It’s a LOTR one. I feel so upset over my DHs comment about elves.

[UnhappyHobbit]

Name change for this one as it’s slightly outing.

My DH is a huge lord of the rings fan. When my DH and I first got together, he used to “lovingly” joke that I was his hobbit. I’m only 5’3” and I do dress quite quirky so I took it as a compliment. It soon became a bit of a pet name for me and as he’s short too, I likened him to a dwarf.

Over the weekend, We were at one of his friend’s house and he has a relatively new girlfriend. Their kitchen /lounge is slightly open plan so I could hear slightly the conversation my DH was having with his friends. All of his friends are lotr fans and this new gf in the group is very tall. DHs friend was bragging that he had finally managed to pull an elf. My DH exclaimed that it was every man’s dream to pull an elf… One of DHs friends said I thought it was your dream to pull a hobbit, my pet name is known to his friends. DH said he wouldn’t touch a hobbit with those big and hairy feet.

I felt so defeated over this. He has called me a hobbit for years, affectionately so I thought.

I approached him about this after the party and he said that the whole hobbit thing was him teasing me because I’m short. He didn’t want to bring this up as, in his words “I made hobbit my whole personality”. We argued and I said, why is he with me if his dream is someone very tall and well the opposite to me.!? We haven’t spoken since and I’m wondering if I’m over reacting.

Aibu for being devastated and embarrassed by this?

this did make me laugh

but basically, if you remove all the LOTR stuff, similar analogy is OP is, say, short and curvy.

DH says he loves her curves and calls her a vaguely chubby-related nickname like pumpkin/muffin/whatever.
Friend gets a new girlfriend who is a tall, sporty blonde. DH says, in OP's hearing 'Wow, it's every man's dream to pull a fit blonde.'
Friend says 'I thought you liked short curvy girls?'
DH replies, 'Nah I wouldn't touch a fat little midget.'

In which case I can see why OP was upset. Not only is it a bit grim for him and his friends to sit around classifying women according to made up fantasy creatures, but it would have been bad enough if he'd just said his ideal 'type' was the complete opposite to OP, he didn't have to really stick the boot in by saying he'd never go for someone with (some of) OP's physical characteristics.

It would be different if nobody else knew their nicknames and they were just talking about hypothetical Hobbits (can't believe I just wrote that sentence 😁) but because they did, the friend was essentially asking 'I thought you liked short girls like OP,' and the DH basically replied 'ew no.' He could have turned it round to say something nice like 'Yeah you can keep your elves I love my little Hobbit,' or made a joke 'Hey, anything that's not an orc!' or 'As long as she waxes her feet!' or literally just said something as bland as 'I like both!' He didn't have to be so harsh.

And then when she pointed out she'd overheard and was upset he could have just said 'Sorry I was just joking, I didn't mean anything by it,' not trying to gaslight her into thinking it's her fault by saying she made hobbit her whole personality when he's the one a) really into LOTR and b) who gave her the nickname!

Don't ask a question if you are not prepared to hear the answer. I mean - why is he with a hobbit if he prefers an elf.

yeah just this really. It is that feeling of being gaslit into thinking I’ve raced off on one comment and made it something it was not when I didn’t. Thank you for explaining it more than I could right now

Love the scene where Awkwafina says, "what happened to your shirt?" and Simu just shrugs.

Marvel knows the female gaze pays.

I thought for a bit and have come back to add...

There are quite a few very misogynistic men out there (maybe women too, but rarer), who, out of a combination of low self esteem and misogyny, think they are unattractive and have no chance with an attractive woman, so they deliberately settle for a woman they see as unattractive, while disrespecting her and resenting his own decision.

This is the sort of man that ranks women out of ten and thinks he can only pull a 5 although he'd prefer a 9.

Nb I think its nuts. I'm not saying you are unattractive, op. I don't believe there are 5s and 9s, I think the whole thing is bullshit. But what I'm saying is, you're possibly married to a dreadful misogynist who resents you.

Sounds like he's been an arse. On the plus side his friend was quietly sticking up for you.

Take a few days then approach this and explain why you are hurt about it. If he won't listen then the problem is more serious but I suspect (hope!) that it is like saying his friend has got with a model and was a clumsy attempt to compliment her, rather than to put you down. The not liking hobbits bit was him being more literal rather than thinking of you.

For the record I like fantasy and think your nicknames are sweet. I find it far stranger that people laught at a hobby just because they don't share it.

I mean it makes me cringe and think it's pathetic that grown people can be obsessed over things such as lord of the rings but each to their own but you both need to grow up call each other hobbits and elfs fucking hell

What, in the name of all things holy, did I just read?

what is going on Ted?

Urgh, true, some men are like that. For the op's sake, I hope this one was just having an off moment.

In all honesty, it sounds to me more like he’s got the ick. Hate to say it but I don’t think this is about height. He is an arsehole though and should’ve broken up with you before this. He’s basically saying you thought it was cute, he was like erm ok not that funny or cute, but felt too awkward to correct you and it’s become a whole thing where he’s had to nod and smile to hobbit mugs and hobbit cards but has been finding you cringe.

Get rid of the lotr stuff, imagine his friend was dating a model, you heard him say his dream is to pull a model, his mate says I thought you liked short size 14 girls because your girlfriend is one, and he said nah I don’t like size 14s….and then you say ouch I heard that and it hurt my feelings, I thought you liked my love handles and he said no and you thought I was saying it affectionately but to be honest I just said it to be nice, didn’t really mean it but felt too awkward to tell you and kinda thought you were embarrassing and weird whenever you mentioned your love handles. That’s basically what has happened. And any gentleman would have said to his mate yes of course I like size 14s, or elves, or whatever random thing - because he wouldn’t want to be a dick to his gf and also is supposed to actually like her..

sorry op but think you need to self eject from this one.

it’s not you it’s him.

Ah OP, you’re not going to find a lot of useful answers here as MN is very divided about LOTR and other suchlike “childish” interests.

A high proportion will get sneery about anything to do with gaming, geeky interests, etc, but there’s still plenty of us who don’t give a shiny shit and enjoy it anyway 😂🤷‍♀️

I think owning the nickname of Hobbit is quite cute. I’ve got a huge HP mug that I love, a wooden tray engraved with Platform 9 3/4 and my DD just painted a HP train.

You are hurt because you thought he was using a hobbit as an affectionate term, and now you feel as if secretly it’s been an insult all along. You feel insecure because he’s expressed admiration and envy about a woman who’s joined your group, specifically that she’s the type of woman that men want, and not you.

I don’t you’re unreasonable at all to feel hurt. I think most of us realise that there are other women out there that might be more physically attractive but to hear your “type” mocked and someone linked to your friendship group being drooled over, that’s quite something else.

I think it’s probably meaningless, but doesn’t make it less hurtful.

And yes, he can definitely fuck off with the criticism of you getting too into the Hobbit persona when him and his chums are categorising women’s physical attributes into imaginary LoTR species. If it’s not ok for you, it’s not ok for him.

Fucking dwarves. Annoying bastards.

Aw my little shit is called Frodo too. Good taste 👏

I agree, it’s the fact that all his friends know he calls her hobbit and they even thought this was his type, his response was an insult to her in front of his friends.

I think people are hung up on the LOTR reference but that’s not really the point.

A grown ass man and his mates referring to women as “Lord of the rings” characters sound like a bunch of freaks.

Seriously icky🤢

He was a twat. I would be hurt. And then he followed it up with mean comments to you. YANBU and the people on this thread “not getting it” are daft.

only you can know if this is “nice DH being a silly prick” (which happens in life even with decent men and is best moved on from) or is actually anything more.

It is short. 5 3 is a global average but UK average is 5 6.

If people despise LoTR so much, why come on a thread that clearly mentions LoTR in the title? Was it just so you could mock the OP?

Oh honey. That's horrible.
Take away the LOTR aspect.
He's effectively been teasing you for the way you're built your entire relationship, which you took in good faith as endearment. Now you've overheard him insulting the very quality you thought he was so fond of.
And he's doubled down.
He's an arse and he owes you an apology.

mums net , the gift that keeps on giving........

My DH says I look like a gibbon. I'm almost certain he'd not want to shag one though.

Yes. Very much yes.

I’d be put out too. He’s disrespected his affectionate name for you.

The point is that the OP is getting hung up about a jokey, fantasy conversation.

If a dwarf and Aragorn were both desperate to go to bed with her, is she really going to tell us she'd pick the dwarf?

None of us is as gorgeous as we'd like to be, and most people have fantasies about people (or, in this case, imaginary creatures) we could never have. Big deal.

Do people really have conversations like this? How old are you all ?

So you admit being a bully? There's something to be proud of. I think geeks are much nicer people than bullies.