It’s a LOTR one. I feel so upset over my DHs comment about elves.

[UnhappyHobbit]

Name change for this one as it’s slightly outing.

My DH is a huge lord of the rings fan. When my DH and I first got together, he used to “lovingly” joke that I was his hobbit. I’m only 5’3” and I do dress quite quirky so I took it as a compliment. It soon became a bit of a pet name for me and as he’s short too, I likened him to a dwarf.

Over the weekend, We were at one of his friend’s house and he has a relatively new girlfriend. Their kitchen /lounge is slightly open plan so I could hear slightly the conversation my DH was having with his friends. All of his friends are lotr fans and this new gf in the group is very tall. DHs friend was bragging that he had finally managed to pull an elf. My DH exclaimed that it was every man’s dream to pull an elf… One of DHs friends said I thought it was your dream to pull a hobbit, my pet name is known to his friends. DH said he wouldn’t touch a hobbit with those big and hairy feet.

I felt so defeated over this. He has called me a hobbit for years, affectionately so I thought.

I approached him about this after the party and he said that the whole hobbit thing was him teasing me because I’m short. He didn’t want to bring this up as, in his words “I made hobbit my whole personality”. We argued and I said, why is he with me if his dream is someone very tall and well the opposite to me.!? We haven’t spoken since and I’m wondering if I’m over reacting.

Aibu for being devastated and embarrassed by this?

My husband compares me to a dwarf (LOTR ref) I'm short and stout with a "bit of attitude" while he's more orc than Aragorn we find it funny.

Your husband sounds like an utter arse and tell him he's no prize catch and if he doesn't start being a Sam in a world of Gollums you'll have to trade him in.

Thy man hath shown grievous disrespect. Speak unto him without veil or mercy, and let him know he hath fallen in thine esteem. If he values honour, let him seek to mend what he has marred—not with words alone, but with deed and heart laid bare. Only thus may he rise again in thy sight, and the shadow between you be lifted

Yanbu
He was being extremely tactless and rude.
I hope he has apologised?

Meanwhile in the real world......

Yes, I think Liv Tyler did her best with extremely scant resources, but it was still lacking, because A is a personality void.

My DH would defend Arwen to the death (yawn) However, I bear less resemblance to her than I do to Tyson Fury. He hasn't left yet.

True. In the book Arwen only features in a page and a half of the text. She doesn't even bloody speak!

Tolkien was a man of his time and it shows. I can think of only 5 female characters in the LOTR books who merited a description and a few other glancing mentions. The women in LOTR get to be: silent muse/mystical other of uncanny beauty but very little agency or action (Goldberry, Arwen, Galadriel), working class love interest for working class lad (Rosie Cotton) or screeching harpy/mother in law trope (Lobelia Bracegirdle), plus the twittering old healer ladies in Minas Tirith who remain unnamed. Even most, possibly all the horses and ponies who get names are male.

The only female who gets any human side/character development is Eowyn, who for the plot needed to have enough personality and drive to disguise herself and fight, unlike most of his languishing ladies, but therefore didnt meet one of his approved female tropes. He got round that by making her a sort of frozen, miserable tomboyish character shunted to the side by the men around her, trapped in the social role she did not want by honour and duty - and even then he slyly hints shes not feminine enough, she cant get the man she desires because hes off pining over his passive feminine muse and for her bravery and heroism she gets injury and near death. She then sits miserable and poisoned until she meets Faramir and falls in love with him - and only gets better/over her illness by stepping away from being a warrior and embracing a Tolkien approved feminine role.

This is not in any way relevant to the OPs problem, or indeed anything else, but I do wonder about chaps who are too into the LOTR universe.

I agree. Tolkien's 'good' female characters are just the classic 'Angel in the House' trope. Eowyn is portrayed as bitter and miserable when she tries to be more intrepid and rails against her passive, female status. Ultimately, she is filled with despair and is nearly destroyed by her wilful behaviour. She is only saved by marrying Faramir and tending to her bloody garden.

Exactly. Which is why Peter Jackson’s films reinvented Arwen (well, a bit) as a warrior galloping about challenging the Nazgûl and setting the river on them. Because otherwise the female characters are either cheery/grumpy background hobbits, or wafty, ethereal Angel in the house types like Galadriel, Goldberry, and post-Shieldmaiden Eowyn.

I love your user name. It was one of my favourite books growing up.

I reread it last week! Hence the username. The whole terrifying flooded tunnels in the Earldelving part is just as frightening as it was to my ten year old self!

I would be very hurt too OP. My husband has a nickname for me and if he suddenly said it was only to tease me and that I'd made it my whole personality I would be very upset. It sounds like the friend who asked about hobbits knew your DH was sounding like a dick and expected him to say that DH loves hobbits so his response was quite appalling.

How is your relationship? Is he actually a nice guy because he sounds quite awful. If my husband said "he wouldn’t touch a hobbit with those big and hairy feet" I would be wondering if it was entirely deliberate nastiness hidden behind a metaphor and that's concerning.

Absolutely agree that it sounds like deliberate nastiness. Also the way he was leering after a friends new partner is creepy. Very slimy Orcish behaviour of him.

This is very off topic so sorry OP, but have you read the long delayed third book @SelinaPlace (or can we call you Morrigan😂) ? I can't quite bring myself to because I love the first 2 so much.

And yes, nightmares about the Earldelving as a child. I've given Weirdstone to every child I've known over decades to spread the love (and fear)

Oh don't! Me too. Just no! I suspect the Earldelving is directly responsible for my lifelong fear of tiny, enclosed spaces?

I have read the synopsis of the third book. The reviews are very mixed.

Wrong. Men can be with women they hate for years and years (not saying this is the case for OP).

I seem to have found my tribe, and it wasnt the dwarves
SelinaPlace - you aren't by any chance my D sis posting anonymously? - she also has a phobia of caves and enclosed spaces because of that bloody scene with the rabbit tunnels and water
I have just read the last book a few weeks ago - can see it ties up but am too old and cynical compared to my childhood self

Give him his ring back. 💍

Not sure what the issue is to be honest, I prefer petite women, rather than tall woman but each to their own. LOTR theme going to far at these parties I think!

I was never as struck as some by Gandalf as Cadellin Silverbrow was "my" wizard.

Not forgetting Grimnir his identical, evil brother.

I think the Uruk Hai are quite fit actually.

That was quite some reveal.

I had to google what LOTR was

obv im not a fan

i get you are upset as he was taking the piss out of your cute name you have for each other

thi how hobbity (if that is a word) are you ?