It’s a LOTR one. I feel so upset over my DHs comment about elves.

[UnhappyHobbit]

Name change for this one as it’s slightly outing.

My DH is a huge lord of the rings fan. When my DH and I first got together, he used to “lovingly” joke that I was his hobbit. I’m only 5’3” and I do dress quite quirky so I took it as a compliment. It soon became a bit of a pet name for me and as he’s short too, I likened him to a dwarf.

Over the weekend, We were at one of his friend’s house and he has a relatively new girlfriend. Their kitchen /lounge is slightly open plan so I could hear slightly the conversation my DH was having with his friends. All of his friends are lotr fans and this new gf in the group is very tall. DHs friend was bragging that he had finally managed to pull an elf. My DH exclaimed that it was every man’s dream to pull an elf… One of DHs friends said I thought it was your dream to pull a hobbit, my pet name is known to his friends. DH said he wouldn’t touch a hobbit with those big and hairy feet.

I felt so defeated over this. He has called me a hobbit for years, affectionately so I thought.

I approached him about this after the party and he said that the whole hobbit thing was him teasing me because I’m short. He didn’t want to bring this up as, in his words “I made hobbit my whole personality”. We argued and I said, why is he with me if his dream is someone very tall and well the opposite to me.!? We haven’t spoken since and I’m wondering if I’m over reacting.

Aibu for being devastated and embarrassed by this?

I think there's a bit of a difference for sveral reasons

firstly because presumably when you are chatting about good looking celebritiesyou aren't linking them to real people, whereas here the "celebrities" (elves) were only brought into the conversation in the first place because they were comparing (objectifying) a real woman as one

secondly you probably wouldn't say anything as blatant as
"It's every women's dream to shag Tom hardy" when your partner was in earshot

Finally you wouldn't double down if someone then said something about "ah but don't you like bald rugby players too" and reply "ew no, nobody likes an egg head!"

Tbh I would understand if as some posters have suggested, the DH explained "oh I was just talking about actual hobbits, I didn't even make the link to you!" Or "but youre not a real hobbit!" and apologised. It's still a bit grim to categorise women like that but everyone says stupid things sometimes. It's the fact he didnt give that excuse, suggesting he did mean it, and, worse then turned it back on her saying it's all her fault for playing along with a nickname he gave her, essentially saying she's responsible for him insulting her!

Which if you take away all the LOTR stuff that so many posters can't seem to see past, is just not a very nice way of talking about your wife. (And textbook gaslighting).

If they had just been playing random hypothetical like "would you rather....drive a Delorean or the tardis/be a chaser or a seeker/date an elf or a hobbit" and OP got upset I would probably agree she was being a bit too sensitive (although unlike some people on here I understand that feelings about our looks and bodies aren't always strictly rational so still wouldn't have mocked her for it).

But with his reaction the DH made it needlessly personal and just mean.

The username finished me off😂

I don't know, I'm incredibly attracted to my partner but I'm also attracted to people who look nothing like him (both men and women). I'm attracted to his looks of course but also attracted to his personality and how he treats me. Therefore making him the most attractive person I can think of!

Also, he isn't offended about me being attracted to other people and I'm not offended about him being attracted to others either

Why would you want to pull an elf? Ethereal bloodless beauty, lots of singing, floaty clothes, Arts and Crafts styling.

Rosie Cotton the buxom barmaid though - you knew Sam would end up having more fun in the sack than Aragon, and with minimal poetry

Walk through any secondary school (I'm including all girls' ones in this) and you'll find that you're about the height of the average year 8 girl and are towered over by the vast majority of Y9-13s.

We will become the little old ladies.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I like tall handsome men, my dh is neither but I fell in love with him nonetheless. It wouldn't be nice if he overheard me say so but I think you are over reacting and the whole dwarf, elf hobbit stuff sounds like nonsense to me. BTW I am 5 3 and have always considered myself small, everyone I know irl is taller than me.

But the DP wasn't talking about his mate's girlfriend. It was the mate who compared his girlfriend to an elf, then the others started chatting about banging elves.

Given this daft conversation was in earshot of OP, which they all would have known, I imagine the DP was blindsided by being confronted about it hours later.

My friends and I have conversations like this—not so much LOTR, but it could be Gladiators, Rivals, Marvel films, anything. If my husband later demanded to know why I'm not with Danny Dyer if I like thick moustaches and full heads of hair so much, I'd be baffled.

This pet name came about because OP is short. Her DP is not turned on by hobbits—I don't think this is controversial.

OP is basically asking "AIBU to think my DP should have pretended he wants to bang hobbits, to soothe my ego?". Maybe he's right, and she has turned this nickname into a bit of an identity.

I can imagine the AIBU if he had said he's sexually attracted to hobbits—"I thought it was his pet name for me because I'm short, but it turns out he actually thinks I look like a hobbit and wishes I had big, hairy feet!"

"Why would you want to pull an elf? Ethereal bloodless beauty, lots of singing, floaty clothes, Arts and Crafts styling."

My thought too. Don't they just waft about looking in mirrors and talking about international politics but not actually doing anything? Whereas hobbits have cracking parties with delicious food and gallons of homebrew, then go off and save the world when it needs doing (comprising 4 out of 9 of the dream team cf 1/9 for the elves) then come home and celebrate with more socialising, food, booze and a roll in the hay? Hobbits all the way. (although my favourite character from the book was Faramir and I definitely would..Éowyn took ages to cop herself on.).

🤣 This amused me far too much.

🙀 Begone, foul demon!

As someone whose "official" height is 5'2", I'm with you! 😁

I am going to need to request that you put a warning on your posts; that they may contain a choking hazard from laughing. I quite near thought I was going to die eating my rice cake while reading your post.

I am telling Sean Astin (Samwise)!

Mine was Tom Selleck/Magnum P.I. I told my DH I would write and call often if Tom ever rocked up to my door, especially in that red Maserati. Then DH could be "my side piece". LOL!

My DH, on the other hand, said he couldn't want anyone but the perfect person he already has. {cough-cough-bullshite-cough-cough) Yeah, he's a bit of a liar, but I love him💖 anyway. He just provides me with a few 🐮💩🏴to toss occasionally.

@UnhappyHobbit All kidding aside, I can see why you were hurt. I don't think your DH meant anything by it, but it was a twatish thing to say when he calls you "his hobbit". It might be time to push aside the LOTR nicknames/fantasies and move on to new pastures. Captain America perhaps? Batman? D&D?

I always thought (and as an ex founder member of The Tolkien Society at my university, I thought about this stuff far too much) that Aragorn would actually be a bit crap in bed. The beautiful, self absorbed blokes always are. Homely guys (like Sam) know they have to work much harder.

In Peter Jackson’s fanfiction, maybe.

Not ever, ever according to Tolkien.

And work harder he did! Couldn’t keep his hands off Rosie Cotton, the lucky gal.

Anyway OP, elves aren't all that.

Eowyn- killed the Witch King of Angmar, Lord of the Nazgul in battle, assisted by a Hobbit.

Arwen-embroidered a banner.

I rest my case.

Slight aside, I know someone who has met Sean Astin through their work several times and apparently he's a really nice bloke.

Correct. Let's face it, book Arwen had zero personality and was, no doubt, boring as Hell.

Sounds like they've grown up as far as they will": about 5ft 3"

It's only a book/film, have a chat about it and move on.

Jesus….