It’s a LOTR one. I feel so upset over my DHs comment about elves.

[UnhappyHobbit]

Name change for this one as it’s slightly outing.

My DH is a huge lord of the rings fan. When my DH and I first got together, he used to “lovingly” joke that I was his hobbit. I’m only 5’3” and I do dress quite quirky so I took it as a compliment. It soon became a bit of a pet name for me and as he’s short too, I likened him to a dwarf.

Over the weekend, We were at one of his friend’s house and he has a relatively new girlfriend. Their kitchen /lounge is slightly open plan so I could hear slightly the conversation my DH was having with his friends. All of his friends are lotr fans and this new gf in the group is very tall. DHs friend was bragging that he had finally managed to pull an elf. My DH exclaimed that it was every man’s dream to pull an elf… One of DHs friends said I thought it was your dream to pull a hobbit, my pet name is known to his friends. DH said he wouldn’t touch a hobbit with those big and hairy feet.

I felt so defeated over this. He has called me a hobbit for years, affectionately so I thought.

I approached him about this after the party and he said that the whole hobbit thing was him teasing me because I’m short. He didn’t want to bring this up as, in his words “I made hobbit my whole personality”. We argued and I said, why is he with me if his dream is someone very tall and well the opposite to me.!? We haven’t spoken since and I’m wondering if I’m over reacting.

Aibu for being devastated and embarrassed by this?

Surely the only reply to him would be ´you are a lesser son of greater sires´ or possibly 'I was there the day the strength of men failed´

At least you dont have a beard
'this gives rise to the rumor that there are no female dwarves....'

I’d close the door on him and post a notice “you shall not pass!”

So basically, OP, you thought him calling you a hobbit was affectionate but actually it isn't and he thinks hobbits are undatable. Nice.

You need to ask him why he calls you that and why he is with you when he thinks your type is not what he wants. He needs to apologise.

This is surely a joke?

i would question your dh and his friends commitment to LOTR. They are not true fans. Very basic thinking that Elves are the pinnacle of desirability.

Everyone knows that hobbits are the best, far superior to elves (as a pp said they are stuck up and aloof). Gandalf loved them and in the end it was hobbits who saved middle earth. Give me Sam gamgee over Legolas.

Seriously????? The pair of you need to grow up!

Sorry OP, but . . .😂😅

I was always strangely attracted to Klingons when I was younger.
Had such a thing for Worf 🤣

Looks like YABU is back on the menu, boys

Do hobbits go in huffs?

I can see why it would be somewhat demoralising - it’d be like if he’d always said he fancied Kylie and you were a tiny blonde then suddenly he was all about the Linda Evangelista types or whatever (showing my age). I am slightly concerned about the ‘made it your whole personality’ thing. Does he mean you’re ripping the arse out of it? I can sort of see what he means from the update. It started as a in-joke, it was meant as a in-joke and now it’s a defining characteristic of your relationship and deadly serious? I’d be feeling a bit pressured.

Wrong on so many levels @UnhappyHobbit.

• Gives you an uncomplimentary nickname mocking your height
• Calls you it in front of others
• Discusses women with his mates as physical ‘types’
• Tells his mate he fancies women like his new gf
• Tells his mates he ‘wouldn't touch’ women like you
• Does this while you’re there (though still disrespectful if you weren’t)
• When you let him know you found it disrespectful, adds insult to injury saying you’ve assumed the personality of a Hobbit (presumably meaning simple, parochial and food-loving, rather than kind, loyal and brave)
• (Apparently) doesn’t reassure you when you ask why he’s with you if you’re not his type.

YANBU. I wouldn’t play along with these nicknames any more if he uses them as veiled insults.

Tell him to grow up or piss off to Rivendell and see how he gets on there.

As others have said who you end up with is more than just superficial attraction and "types" I think most people have more than one type as well.

When I look back at the guys I fancied or briefly dated in my teens or at uni and look at how they turned out, the state of their personal lives I thank my lucky stars I never ended up with them. They were good looking and exciting but pretty much all of them went on to have commitment issues lasting until now (late 40's), develop addiction issues, or were abusive to their long term partners. I can see they wouldn't have been right for me.

I'm not trying to say every attractive person is a train wreck but that actually working out together long term is more than just physical attraction, its about compatibility, shared values and goals, as well as some degree of physical attraction and romantic spark.

He sounds like an awful tedious twat.
You have every right to get the total Ick for this twatty little manchild.

Get rid of all of the hobbit stuff and decide if a twat like him is really what you want.

He actually embarrassed himself.

Sorry op but your post has me CRYING with 😃laughter

Yep, I think you’ve been married to an Orc and only just realised.

I’d tell him that you had rather hoped to land yourself an elf as well, but feel deeply aggrieved to find he’s turned out to be a Mordor Orc.

Better a Hobbit than a Troll, tbf.

Setting aside the inappropriateness of referring to short people as elves/dwarves etc….

All the snarky comments about it being childish and ridiculous shows how MN just can’t deal with people who are different and enjoy different things. Being obsessed with LOTR as an adult is not childish, no different to a guy who is obsessed about following a bunch of guys who wear the same colours and kick a ball about to the point they will cry if their guys score fewer points than the other guys, and start fights because the other guys’ supporters are in the pub with them. Just because you don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it is childish.

As many here seem incapable of looking past it, think about it this way. You’re blonde and you overhear your husband saying “oh I hate blondes, they’re so dumb” Or, you’ve overweight and you hear him saying “I hate fat people, they’re so lazy” etc. You all happy with that? You wouldn’t take it personally?

@UnhappyHobbitYou are right to be annoyed, he needs to explain himself.

This is a really good post, sifts out the lotr stuff which will act as a red flag to a bull with some of the nastier replies. I’d probably be a bit stung by that too op, there wasn’t any need!!

its like the debate on the big bang theory with teaching string theory vs the other theory

Men discussing the relative attractiveness or otherwise of their girlfriends is disrespectful and unappealing and will always lead to problems when overheard. It also applies the other way round.

That said, adults framing these things in the terms of a fantasy universe adds a layer of ridiculousness.

Not to try and excuse what he said @UnhappyHobbit , as it was a spectacularly stupid and clumsy thing to say, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't find you attractive, or doesn't love you for who you are.

My "type" is tall leggy pale redheads. All my celebrity crushes growing up were tall leggy redheads. DP on the other hand is short, blonde, and in her own words, "mostly torso". In fact, I have never been out with a redhead in my life

Does that mean I don't find DP attractive? Does it mean that I wish DP was taller, or had different colour hair? No, because my actual type (and most mens types) is "person I'm attracted to". If DP was taller, then she wouldn't be DP, wouldn't be the woman I fell for. Tall, leggy, redhead, are all physical attributes. You don't fall for an attribute, you fall for the complete package, and often that package doesn't contain the physical attribute you think you want most.

To use a food metaphor - I love pork. If you asked me what my favourite meat is, I'd go with pork. The smell of bacon cooking is almost a religious experience for me. And yet, most of my favourite meals have nothing to do with bacon. I would never put bacon in a thai curry, or a chilli con carne, or a shephards pie. Because bacon does not work with that meal. That ingredient does not work with that recipe. And if I'm only going to eat one meal for the rest of my life, I'm going to choose something with a rich flavour palate, that I can enjoy over and over again.

Do I like red hair? Would I prefer to spend the rest of my life with someone with red hair who I share nothing in common with, or DP? I'd choose DP over the bacon sarnie every single time.

I’d be making a point of boxing it all up right in front of him, and when he asks if you’re chucking out all of your LOTR stuff, say, “Yeah, including you if you don’t a) grow up and b) stop objectifying and categorising women like some kind of tragic Tolkien-themed sorting hat.”

Can’t stand men like this. To be honest, if he’s a bloody LOTR geek, you’d think he’d be on his knees in gratitude to even have a girlfriend - they usually don’t.

This is how I feel too - so odd. OP does sound like being a ‘hobbit’ is part of your personality, which is weird to be honest

Thank you! I'm 5"3 and was wondering if I too am a hobbit.

You sound like a strange bunch. Who talks about pulling elves? I'm an avid LOTR fan but this is too much.