Do mean girls start so early?!

[Pamalarrr]

DD is in Year 2 and her class and year is very girl heavy. There are 18 girls in her class.

DD is sensitive, a bit of a stickler for rules, hates getting into trouble etc. She's what I would call a typical 6 year old - she is one of the younger girls in the class with a summer birthday so not quite 7 yet.

The class has a group of 4 girls who are all share birthdays Sept - Dec. When the school has a non-uniform day they've been known to turn up in crop tops! My personal view is I think they look awful on 7 year olds and are far too old.

DD has a lovely group of friends, all very similar to DD. However, little comments have started creeping in from the older group of girls, particularly towards DD and another girl about how they wear there hair, babyish clothes they wear when they don't have to wear uniform etc. The ringleader pushes them out of the way, laughs at them and generally says unkind things.

The mum of the ringleader has accused parents of stealing her DDs school jumpers, shouted at the teachers when it was meet the new teachers accusing them of not being on it compared to the previous year group.

Whilst I suspect some of this behaviour is learned, is there anything else we can do to make DD more resilient? I didn't think this started so young. I want DD to be stronger than I was and to be able to stand up to girls like this.

Is this typical Y2 behaviour?!

I don't think it's typical at that age but it's not unheard of. Sorry it's happening to your daughter, it's very hard to deal with when you are only 6. What does the class teacher say? Sounds like she's got her hands full too!

sadly yes, some of them do start so young

Sadly yes.
Girl friendship dramas start at 6 and continue until 60+…

Yeah, sadly we had one of those in eldest daughters class at this age.

'' little comments have started creeping in from the older group of girls, particularly towards DD and another girl about how they wear there hair, babyish clothes they wear when they don't have to wear uniform etc. The ringleader pushes them out of the way, laughs at them and generally says unkind things.''

I get why you'd like to teach your DD to feel resilient about that but it is bullying, and the school should deal with it. Its also very bad for the older girls to get into the habit of bullying younger children, so they aren't doing any of the pupils any favours.

I’ve known mean girls in reception! They don’t know what they’re doing though, even in y2 they can’t really understand the consequences. I’m my experience it comes from a place of insecurity.

Yes. Some of our daughter’s classmates were awful (and that was 24 years ago now).

You're right re bullying. I am keeping an eye on things for now, but anything else I will be contacting the teacher. I do know that a number of mums with girls in the other year group class asked for their DDs to be in the other year group class to the ringleader. Apparently she doesn't have a great home life according to another parent, but I don't feel this shoudl be a greenlight.

I'm not sure what wearing crop tops, and a mum Complaining about missing jumpers, has got to do with it....?

Having taken two dc through primary school, I definitely don’t think this is the norm. We didn’t even have this in Y6. I’m not sure the school would tolerate crop tops. It might sneak by once, but not a second time.

Look, these kids obviously have a not so great home life given how they are being dressed and how much drama their parents are already causing. They will all get a reputation and it won’t work in their favour.

I would simply stay focused on cultivating a nice friend group for your dd. Have her friends over for play dates. Do sleepovers eventually when age appropriate. Don’t panic if there is some shuffling around of allegiances over the next few years. Talk to her about speaking up if anyone is unkind to her or another child. Praise her when she does speak up. And cultivate friendships with the parents of children she is friends with.

When the school has a non-uniform day they've been known to turn up in crop tops! My personal view is I think they look awful on 7 year olds and are far too old.

YABVVU to judge 7 year olds on what they wear. When you are unhappy with 7 years old judging their peers on what they wear.

Whether they wear crop tops or full body armour is irrelevant. They are being mean - tell the teacher.

I agree with PP. Help to facilitate DD's nice friendship group. Playdates, days out. Hopefully the other parents will reciprocate.

And tell the teacher about the bullying. It's not acceptable and you need to be all over it. Don't let it slide.

Putting very young girls in to crop tops and teen style clothling speaks shed loads about their parents. I feel sorry for these kids, they have a rocky start already when they are young and should be carefree being their age.
School needs to sort the bullying out though -pronto.

I'd start by leading by example, and not judge small children by their clothing yourself.

I’d recommend Rainbows (4-6) or Brownies when she’s 7 (girl guiding) Often long wait lists. We do lots of activities aimed at building skills and healthy relationships and it’s a good source of friendship if things are tricky at school.

In answer to your question, yes it starts this early and they’ll be little cliques and groups that form, which often comes with some mean and exclusionary behaviour, which is rubbish and should be dealt with through various measures. But along with others I find it crazy that you’re judging what this other group of girls wear, whilst being upset that they are judging what your daughter wears! What makes your choices superior? My daughters are slim sporty and confident. They’ve worn crop tops since they were 5/6 and look great in them. Does this make them mean girls? No, it’s irrelevant.

My son had a little boy like this in his class, starting from reception. It changed the whole class dynamic. His mother is also very outspoken and likes to threaten the teachers with violence.

The effect it has had on my child is horrible to see, but the fact is there are people like these other children everywhere. I try to work on building my lb's self esteem for resilience.

Yes. There was a mean girl situation when my DD was 4 years old. In pre-reception. That was a bit of a shock.
Very difficult to explain to a 4 year old what a toxic frenemy is.
Best of luck dealing with this.

Out of interest, how did you explain it to her

Y2 girls in particular go through a " bossy" stage. If your dd is happy with her group of friends that's the main thing. You sound a bit mean girl going on about crop tops, all the girls in dds class wore them it was no big deal.

Gds (8) has two such girls in his class. Luckily he is blithely unaffected but another girl he’s very friendly with is a victim of their nasty comments. Sad to say, their teacher seems unaware - both the mean ones are teacher’s pet types.

Yes, "mean girls" (and inappropriate boys) became a Thing in Year 3 here, with the main instigators starting off from Year 2. Presumably both groups are watching online content that is too old for them but also gendered.

That friends are kind to each other.
That sharing is a two way process.
That it's ok to say "no thank you" when asked for something you don't want to give.
If you share your ice cream with her and she shares her broccoli with you that's not equal sharing.
That it is OK for you to play with your other friends, playing with more people than just her isn't cruel. She can play with them too.
If she's crying you tell the teacher, you don't change your "no" to a "yes" just because she's started to cry.

The mean girl had a family problem and it was all very sad. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't her mother's fault.
At the end of the year the school remixed the classes and kept them separate for the rest of their time at that school.

Like mother like daughter?

I'll put my hands up to the crop top comment and it was judgey of me. Fair point to those who have pointed this out.