Do mean girls start so early?!

[Pamalarrr]

DD is in Year 2 and her class and year is very girl heavy. There are 18 girls in her class.

DD is sensitive, a bit of a stickler for rules, hates getting into trouble etc. She's what I would call a typical 6 year old - she is one of the younger girls in the class with a summer birthday so not quite 7 yet.

The class has a group of 4 girls who are all share birthdays Sept - Dec. When the school has a non-uniform day they've been known to turn up in crop tops! My personal view is I think they look awful on 7 year olds and are far too old.

DD has a lovely group of friends, all very similar to DD. However, little comments have started creeping in from the older group of girls, particularly towards DD and another girl about how they wear there hair, babyish clothes they wear when they don't have to wear uniform etc. The ringleader pushes them out of the way, laughs at them and generally says unkind things.

The mum of the ringleader has accused parents of stealing her DDs school jumpers, shouted at the teachers when it was meet the new teachers accusing them of not being on it compared to the previous year group.

Whilst I suspect some of this behaviour is learned, is there anything else we can do to make DD more resilient? I didn't think this started so young. I want DD to be stronger than I was and to be able to stand up to girls like this.

Is this typical Y2 behaviour?!

There are few things your daughter could do in response to nasty comments, although it won't help her with physical violence, such as the pushing.

1. Try to make her understand that whatever someone does or says, says more about them than about the person they are saying it to or about.
2. She could ask them why they say/do that, then stay perfectly quiet and let them talk. Bullying becomes less fun if you have to explain your actions.

Oddly, the argument that tight and revealing clothes are so much better for sports and the heat is rarely applied to boys and men ...

How do you know what paedophiles like?

@MrsSkylerWhite You attitude and inability to recognize the internalized misogyny on this thread is really depressing.

When there was a mother like this in DS’s primary school class, the school barred her from the premises and from attending school events.

I do have to agree that if you saw 7 year old boys in crop tops and hot pants walking down the road, you’d have an instinctive reaction of horror and worry. Like, who dressed them?! Are they safe?!

Which you wouldn’t think if the boys were in dresses. It’d just be unusual.

But somehow, crop tops and hot pants on little girls are totally ok 🤨

Yet little boys can walk around topless in the sun and nobody bats an eye. There's no logical reason for a crop top on a child of either sex to disturb anyone...

Of course they bat an eye - it depends on the context.

Just as crop tops, short shorts etc are fine for little girls while doing gymnastics for example, little boys running around topless while playing football in the park or on the beachfront is also fine. But when they pick up the ball and leave the park, they are expected to put t-shirts back on. It’s not socially acceptable (in most areas) to walk down the road topless.

Also - crop tops are cropped. There is a normal looking top and then the bottom of it is cut off. That is - in non-sporting contexts - slightly sexualised. If a little boy were walking round in a skintight, cropped top and short shorts, people would notice it as sexualised way more readily than if they saw a little girl walking round like that. But for some reason it’s normalised to have even little girls in sexualised clothing.

Oooh your hard 😂

Nonces don't care what kids wear, they're attracted to them anyway. There is absolutely nothing sexual about a crop top.

Yep. Year 2 some of the older girls, often with older sisters, start giving up their dolls and other such ‘toys’ in favour for make up and designer clothes. I recall my eldest being in y2 and youngest being in nursery and the parents all donating their old dolls etc to the nursery as they’d grown out of them. My DD was still carrying her doll around obsessively at that age. She hadn’t even started with Barbie type dolls then, just the baby dolls. We had just got her a pram and the baby Annabelle stuff. There was a definite split on the playground as well. The mean girls were older and also more able academically and any bullying that went on wasn’t seen by staff. They were too clever when lighting fixed and walking off. My friend actually pulled her daughter out in y3 due to the bullying. Her daughter was quirky (now a diagnosed autistic teen) and those girls knew which buttons to press to get her to react in such a way that she got into trouble for hitting them. A TA even said to me she knew if was going on but their parents were all ‘ not my little princess’ and nothing was ever proved. My daughter often didn’t notice alot of the bullying (also diagnosed autistic when 10) but I would see things on the year such as my daughter starting off at the front of the line but when these girls arrived she would suddenly end up at the back. She just didn’t really notice herself as she was less of a target for some reason - wasn’t the type to go hitting back.

My daughter's 6 and one of the girls in her class is very mean. So yeah it does start early sadly

Because it gives an overall picture of the type of home and family they come from, which might explain the poor behaviour.

It’s certainly not typical behaviour of a Y2 with a decent parent. A terrible mother like this though and it’s par for the course. Just be thankful that you have a kind and considerate daughter.

And crop tops are certainly not appropriate for 6-7 years old girls. At least in the nicer parts of the country.

Unfortunately it can start this early. I would advise that you flag the situation to the teacher sooner rather than later and ask them what the school is going to do to support your child and basically manage the situation. If that doesn't work then escalate to the Head. Something similar happened at my daughter's school (also in Y2) and I spoke to her teacher who I know did her best to try and resolve the situation. That didn't entirely work so I spoke to the Head who worked with the teacher and things have started to turn around. Bullies love a vacuum so really important to flag unpleasant stuff up early to get it hopefully nipped in the bud. I think its important that where a pattern of unpleasant behaviour exists that the school is fully aware of it, even if it means regular updates to the school and you feel like you are making a nuisance of yourself. We are very lucky in that our Head has high expectations of good behaviour in the school therefore will put in the effort to maintain such.

Sure, I wasn't so much thinking of just clothing, but girls who seemed to be given a lot more freedoms in general with the parents knowledge. They often seemed very sophisticated and mature, and other girls saw it as privileged, but many of the parents were either fairly absent or outright problematic.

Of course lots of teen and even tween girls just see sexualized clothes as on trend, or want to have a positive response from boys or even men without the maturity to really navigate that. Usually there is a bit of a lid on that where the parents are conscious of it, the kids will push back but only so much.

Just culture lovely play dates with the nice girls. Keep telling your daughter that she is amazing and not to get involved with the bitchiness. Empower her and her besties by keeping her friends close and sod the enemies! Maybe manufacturer a play date with the top bully and kill her with kindness. When she sees how cool your kid is at home, she’ll change her tune! They’re still very, very young and a lot can change. If they’re 2nd born or only child, they can play up because they’re spoiled, or don’t get enough attention at home.

Talk to the teacher asap.
If there is a poor response, take it to the headteacher.
Bullying needs to be stopped before it becomes a nasty habit.

My son was mocked by a few of the girls in his Reception class for having a Thomas the Tank Engine lunchbox.

He was 4!

This was 25 years ago.

Fortunately the teacher picked up on it and brought her own Thomas lunch box into class herself. My son was delighted!

Speaking as a teacher, it can happen this young and does. It's almost impossible to stop because you can't force children to like each other and female bullies are usually so subtle that it's hard to pin them down to any untoward behaviour.
Resilience is key. Firstly, make sure that you build your daughter's self-esteem so she's confident in who she is. Then role play is great for teaching your daughter how to react to situations. Give her the language to use when sleighted, that will put a bully in their place. If it can slip off her tongue easily, she'll be ready to counteract this toxic group.
It's horrible to watch but a good training in life albeit very early.

It does start at that age. I remember someone slagging my pencil case when I was 5 or 6

Just tell her to stand up for herself. The basics!.

Why are you wearing baby clothes ?

Answer what's it to you 🤣

This non school uniform day is the most hated day you will find by secondary school a lot of the girls just turn up in uniform they sick of the comments from other girls all day.
The behaviour you described is usually the odd girl but by y5 it gets really bad. It’s all about how you look on social media and it’s sad to see that this judgement is getting younger and younger.
re the crop tops 10 years ago the girls would wear in y5 & y6 but not to school and letter would be sent home stating no crop tops as always a few try and sneak in. Personally I would have a word with the school and kindly suggest them reconsider whether this is appropriate for non uniform days and explain what’s going on. I love fashion but I know the crop top thing could be considered over sexualisation. And I’m pretty sure some regilions would not allow it. Maybe tactfully go down that route.
life for our girls is very hard it’s best you prepare her now for judgement I’m sorry it will get worse.

I am sorry to say buy yes ot does start that young, my girl is 13 now and it continues.
Teach your girl her self worth and make her strong. X

Hey report it straight away, let the head know you are unhappy with this situation. It needs to be nipped in the bud. Especially if other care givers kids are getting bullied too. all of them need to report so head knows how serious it is. It's not acceptable at any age!

My daughter was in a class like this and as she was a typical tomboy it did cause issues with the girly girls, especially when she used to get invited to the pamper session birthday parties.
My daughter found her people though and used to play with the boys and had lots of fun.
It has shaped her to be a very independent and open minded young lady who does not follow the trends and makes her own path. I am incredibly proud of her.

I must say though that the "girls" in her class were mean and called her a boy and all sorts of horrible things at times. I think they were jealous as all the boys invited her to parties and not them!. There was a lot of soul searching at the start though and that's hard as a parent.
Even the teachers hated the dynamic of that year group as the mean girls were horrendous at times and I was glad my daughter kept out of it all as the mean girls would fall out with each other constantly.

What a wonderful response from the teacher. Love it!