Do mean girls start so early?!

[Pamalarrr]

DD is in Year 2 and her class and year is very girl heavy. There are 18 girls in her class.

DD is sensitive, a bit of a stickler for rules, hates getting into trouble etc. She's what I would call a typical 6 year old - she is one of the younger girls in the class with a summer birthday so not quite 7 yet.

The class has a group of 4 girls who are all share birthdays Sept - Dec. When the school has a non-uniform day they've been known to turn up in crop tops! My personal view is I think they look awful on 7 year olds and are far too old.

DD has a lovely group of friends, all very similar to DD. However, little comments have started creeping in from the older group of girls, particularly towards DD and another girl about how they wear there hair, babyish clothes they wear when they don't have to wear uniform etc. The ringleader pushes them out of the way, laughs at them and generally says unkind things.

The mum of the ringleader has accused parents of stealing her DDs school jumpers, shouted at the teachers when it was meet the new teachers accusing them of not being on it compared to the previous year group.

Whilst I suspect some of this behaviour is learned, is there anything else we can do to make DD more resilient? I didn't think this started so young. I want DD to be stronger than I was and to be able to stand up to girls like this.

Is this typical Y2 behaviour?!

I agree that this is problematic behaviour. I'd stay clear of the "mean girl" narrative though, as this implies that the girls just are this way and that there's an almost Hollywoodlike charm to it. They aren't mean girls, they're bullies! I'd talk to your DD about it in the same way I'd talk about any type of bullying, and while staying clear of any gendered message.

Not a new thing. I can remember being called babyish in the first year of secondary school.
My DD had a couple of girls being nasty when she was in year two who would be out on the streets on their own at 7 both had older sisters and from unpleasant families. One of them did improve by secondary school and DD actually became "friends" for a short time.
The other one disappeared from school around year 9 but her name has appeared in local papers as an adult in the recently arrested pages

If it was my daughter I’d tell her to retort “well, my mum doesn’t let me dress like a chav” next time they have anything to say about her babyish clothes and lack of crop top.

Mean girls will bring it home to their parents and they can put that in their pipe and smoke it!

The answer is to make sure that dd and her group of friends remain tight. Bullies don't bully groups.

Jesus, that's awful

Your post is full of misogyny and sexist stereotypes- if you're worried about learned behaviour I'd start there before communicating to your daughter about it.

These specific children are being unkind, this is what you should focus on- not what they're wearing and whether they fit a sexist stereotype of 'mean girls'.

Is this a joke?

FFS, really?

Yes, really. The parents of those mean girls are suffering from a social class issue.

Kids are cruel. Teenagers are arseholes. Some grow out of it, some don't.
I suspect there are 2 sides to the story though.

So do I 😂
I am not judging the girls at all for it, saying it’s relevant here, or saying it’s a terrible thing…but the majority (not all) of the time a child that age is a crop top is a trashy choice. Sorry, just imho!

No, it’s a factual observation and if spoken aloud to the mean girls will take the wind out of their sails.

🤣🤣🤣

As Dd1 observed - the ones who ‘peak’ in lower secondary school. They then realise no one actually likes them and it usually goes rapidly downhill from there.

2 wrongs don't make a right and all that, teaching your daughter pejorative terms around class is pretty unnecessary

Sadly there are "mean girls" in every school ,and they seem to start younger and younger! They obv have difficult home lives by the sounds of it.Often they can be quite sly and show the Teacher their good side .I would work on DD confidence ,and enrol for Sports / activities she may enjoy after school.This will widen her friendship group and build her confidence .Stay away from dance groups though as they seem to attract the mean type!

You should be fucking ashamed of yourself for talking like this in relation to 7yo children. Shame on you.

If the OP's child is being bullied, that needs to be addressed, but not in the shitty way that you suggest.

It's a horrible classist word and I'd judge the parent who taught their children to say it.

I also don't know what class has to do with anything- rich people can be bullies too, you know.

Get a little group of Lego people or similar, role play scenarios and help DD with appropriate words or actions. take turns with the scenarios where person says or does something mean or being the”victim”

Do this sort of thing every day. It can help her understand what it’s like to be the mean person & what replies (or lack of reply) end the situation.

I did this with my son at similar age and it was quite revealing what kids say to each other. We laughed do much together saying mean, or just silly things which I think helped with him coping and getting perspective on what it’s like to be the mean person & just not understanding why they do it .

Crop tops worn outside of a sporting context are a slightly sexualised garment. Precisely because they’ve been “cropped”.

If you saw a young boy out and about wearing a dress, you’d think it’s unusual but not a safety issue. If you saw a young boy out and about wearing some garments that young girls do - such as crop tops and hot pants - your first thought would probably be “is he ok?! Are Social Services involved?!”

Sorry your daughter is going through thism we had a lot of this type of thing in years 2, 3 and 4 actually in the class and among the boys groups.
Would suggest karate or something like that, not to use on the kids 😆but it will build her confidence in holding her own against a person one on one.
Unfortunately, if the parents are nightmares the kids are likely to be too. Meet with the school also and explain what you feel is happening. They will most likely deny to your face there is a problem but it needs to be highlighted and they will hopefully do some things. Our school did some group work with the kids to get them thinking as a class team. That sort of thing.

Sounds like a horrible school with horrible parents. I would focus on the main purpose of the school - academic achievement instead of 'looking good' at this stage. They are small kids... the inapropriateness and early sexualisation is obviously their parents' fault.

No - I get your point completely and so do some others on here who've bothered to read your post carefully.

These girls are precocious (no-one can deny that) in more ways than one, and in my experience of children there is a definite link between sexual precociousness and 'teenage' 'mean girl' behaviour. AND - these girls are picking on and belittling others because they see their clothing choices as babyish. So those pps being all prissy about the crop-top issue need to think a bit more deeply. It most definitely IS relevant.

Yep, this is familiar. Sorry to say that it only stopped when they went off to high school.

I can guarantee that my method would conclude the matter a lot faster than going to teachers and handwringing.