Do mean girls start so early?!

[Pamalarrr]

DD is in Year 2 and her class and year is very girl heavy. There are 18 girls in her class.

DD is sensitive, a bit of a stickler for rules, hates getting into trouble etc. She's what I would call a typical 6 year old - she is one of the younger girls in the class with a summer birthday so not quite 7 yet.

The class has a group of 4 girls who are all share birthdays Sept - Dec. When the school has a non-uniform day they've been known to turn up in crop tops! My personal view is I think they look awful on 7 year olds and are far too old.

DD has a lovely group of friends, all very similar to DD. However, little comments have started creeping in from the older group of girls, particularly towards DD and another girl about how they wear there hair, babyish clothes they wear when they don't have to wear uniform etc. The ringleader pushes them out of the way, laughs at them and generally says unkind things.

The mum of the ringleader has accused parents of stealing her DDs school jumpers, shouted at the teachers when it was meet the new teachers accusing them of not being on it compared to the previous year group.

Whilst I suspect some of this behaviour is learned, is there anything else we can do to make DD more resilient? I didn't think this started so young. I want DD to be stronger than I was and to be able to stand up to girls like this.

Is this typical Y2 behaviour?!

When you said your daughter is a stickler for rules that stood out to me. Is it possible she’s coming over a little bit goody two shoes and possibly being a tell tale? I know it’s good that she wants to abide by rules but if she is being viewed by the other group as someone who tells on them and gets them in to trouble it could be that she needs to pipe down a bit and not be so interested in what others were doing ( as long as it is not causing her harm )

Yes they do start that early. My daughter is 7, and has come home a lot saying one of her friends has said horrible things to her. The mothers are always just as bad

I genuinely thought your thread was a parody.

She threatens violence - that’s common assault. I’m assuming police have been involved, especially if it’s in front of other children. They should be looking at exclusion or banning her from school grounds if she behaves like this. Exclusion may not be appropriate as it’s not the kids fault but they cannot be seen to tolerate this - what the hell is it teaching the kids??

Imo yes. I could tell in nursery who was going to be the mean girl in my sons class. They are at high school now and Regina is still going super strong with some minions to boot.

Is it not quite ironic that your op is quite mean? Lots of irrelevant but unkind stuff shoehorned in.

It started in my son's year about year 4. The "mean girls" have bullied other girls to the point they left the school. There is one ring leader who could be dealt with quickly if the school would accept she is an issue but despite other parents of girls telling the school their daughters are being bullied by her and her 2 friends they still don't believe she is a problem 🤔.

It's hard to take your post seriously given that you have made some pretty nasty comments in your post about how these young girls like to dress.

If children are being mean, then please do talk to the teacher and ask the school to address this. But perhaps think about what type of behaviour you're modelling as a parent as well.

We haven't experienced this with our son but know of other parents in the class with girls who have said similar. We enrolled our son in a martial arts and a drama class to try and build his confidence (I was a shy kid and a shy adult now and I am trying really hard not to pass that on). He's incredibly confident in himself generally thankfully but I feel like this may have helped.

I don't think being a few months older matters much my eldest was born in the autumn and most of his friends were born the summer after and they don't seem much different. Maybe I just have an immature kid 😂

And yeah the parents are weird for buying their kids clothes like that

I agree with you on the crop tops

I can’t believe any school would allow crop tops at any age. That’s awful if they do. None of our schools allow that.

I do agree with this to an extent, I’ve had the same conversation with my own DD.

Do the ‘mean girls’ have older siblings? Ime these ones grow up ‘quicker’ because of the older influence at home

Yes it started in nursery! ,in my DD class . Continued all through primary school . So much so that other mothers insisted on their kids not being in their class. My DD escaped most of it as she just removed herself from the clique. Pushy mother and Queen Bee DD . Really awkward as they lived near us . DD didn't want to play her and the girl told my DD that her mother said I was just jealous! Really hard to control my temper then .

Yes yes. Mean girls start very early, usually with ingrained ideas about misogyny passed from mother to daughter, eg that how a woman dresses defines the person.
It’s up to you to look at whether you have internalised any of these ideas too.

It does start early and it's usually their own mum who they get it from.

My DD in Y3 has had some exposure to mean girls. Like others have said I focus on her kind friends and that she can stick up for herself by not tolerating the mean comments. I also make sure she has activities outside of school so that she has friends elsewhere. If you think it’s becoming bullying then speak to the school.

When the school has a non-uniform day they've been known to turn up in crop tops!

Their parents should be ashamed of themselves.

Could you explain to your daughter that their families are trash and that’s why they have awful behaviour?

Please don't victim blame. Bullying has life long consequences and is very damaging. Quiet well behaved girls are often the target as the bullies know they won't cause a fuss and fight back.

OP the class bully in my dcs school was an issue from reception and caused several dc to leave the school. She is still an issue in senior school. She absolutely targets quiet, rule abiding dcs, especially those who are academic, or particularly talented at another activity. I'm fairly sure it comes from a place of low self esteem. It's very sad all round but the schools do nothing.

I hope this is a joke?

When people have a problem with kids wearing crop tops I often wonder what makes them so bad, are you offended by the sight of a child's belly?

The school needs to ban crop tops.
The school needs to promote kindness
@Pamalarrr you need to discuss kind behaviours with your dd and explain that sometimes not everyone is kind but we can't know why. Also equip her with the ability to say "I like my outfit and I like yours too". It's the early learning of "nod, smile, shrug with a tinkly laugh".

Our DC are grown up now. We found there were some year groups that were lovely, others that were positively toxic, in the same school. It only takes one with a couple of hangers on.

I am afraid, this is standard. Boys fight, girls engage in reputation destruction and smearing. You can't fight biology.

No you don't need to apologise, what you were trying to point out is that your dd isn't into dressing like that, and that you wouldn't want her too (which is perfectly fine!!). But the mean girls are making comments about your dd and her friend not dressing like them. I totally got it. It's OK for you not to want your dd dressing like a teenager, It's absolutely not OK for those girls to be bullying others about their clothes.

As a teaching assistant yes I'm afraid we are seeing this behaviour in younger children than we used to sadly.

It’s the ones who are allowed to dress and act like teenagers whilst still at primary school, have phones earlier than most, allowed handbag-style school bags etc etc who become the “popular” ie cooler and more superior crowd. I’ve observed it with all my own kids’ year groups. They’re all now teenagers and that status which starts as young as 7/8 years old tends to still be in tact by the end of secondary, in my experience.