Do mean girls start so early?!

[Pamalarrr]

DD is in Year 2 and her class and year is very girl heavy. There are 18 girls in her class.

DD is sensitive, a bit of a stickler for rules, hates getting into trouble etc. She's what I would call a typical 6 year old - she is one of the younger girls in the class with a summer birthday so not quite 7 yet.

The class has a group of 4 girls who are all share birthdays Sept - Dec. When the school has a non-uniform day they've been known to turn up in crop tops! My personal view is I think they look awful on 7 year olds and are far too old.

DD has a lovely group of friends, all very similar to DD. However, little comments have started creeping in from the older group of girls, particularly towards DD and another girl about how they wear there hair, babyish clothes they wear when they don't have to wear uniform etc. The ringleader pushes them out of the way, laughs at them and generally says unkind things.

The mum of the ringleader has accused parents of stealing her DDs school jumpers, shouted at the teachers when it was meet the new teachers accusing them of not being on it compared to the previous year group.

Whilst I suspect some of this behaviour is learned, is there anything else we can do to make DD more resilient? I didn't think this started so young. I want DD to be stronger than I was and to be able to stand up to girls like this.

Is this typical Y2 behaviour?!

We've been through the whole school system and honestly the mean girls at 7 are still doing it at secondary unless a proactive teacher intervenes and doesn't minimise it as normal.

The little kids in crop tops are just that little kids. Its awful and sad.

Also my daughter loves crop tops. She also loves art and gymnastics and is a lovely girl and a kind friend. She is seven years old and we, and her, are not "trash"

I think you’re looking at things the wrong way.

Firstly you suggest the other children involved have difficult home lives with potentially irrational parents. So you’re essentially describing a child from a broken home, then going on to use blanket labels like “mean girl”. Just see it for what it is, a child from a shit, unstable environment acting out. That child likely learned this behaviour for a reason and might benefit from some nuance - and dare I say, slight compassion.

Secondly you describe your child as “DD is sensitive, a bit of a stickler for rules, hates getting into trouble etc.” With respect that kind of fixed mindset might benefit from improvement. I was a sensitive kid like this and frankly it would have been better if my parents instilled confidence in me and gave me more support in terms of understanding life isn’t fair or that rules aren’t always enforced. Otherwise your child is going to hate seeing injustices as they may wonder why others aren’t getting into trouble when the “rules are the rules.” It’s like an idealistic vs pragmatic viewpoint.

I think you may benefit from reporting what has happened to the school; but also by having a chat with your daughter and tying the two together. It might be worth explaining to your daughter that the other girl isn’t personally targeting her, that it’s more about the other girl’s home life and her not having great guidance from her own parents.

As an aside, peers in crop tops isn’t going to go away for your daughter. I assure you the next thing will be everyone wearing shorts in PE or short skirts for school uniform etc. You’re going to have to come to terms with this adult clothing vs babyish clothing rhetoric again especially in puberty.

Agree very much with this- was a great comfort to my daughter when she was the turned on in year 6 by a group of girls.

The vitriol from fully grown adults on this thread is way worse than what the 7yo girls are doing. People are losing their minds over a piece of clothing.

Don't think it is common at this age BUT we know a girl like this with a highly aggressive mother just as you are describing and it is absolutely a learned behavior for a child this young.

That what other people think is "cool" isn't that important, and in fact mostly people like that are pretty lame.

True!

Not suggesting this should be communicated to children - before any holier-than-thou person jumps on me - but in my experience as a parent and teacher, the cool kids at this age - often the sexually precocious ones - were often pretty sad specimens in the longer game.

Mean girl yourself then.

Crop tops at primary school is inappropriate and there should be a dress code for non uniform day as it's a formal setting.

Yes queen bee cliquey stuff seems to happen in younger years, and many little girls are already heavily influenced on social media, they act like chavy teenagers 😂and their mums all proud of how grown up and 'feminine' they are supposedly acting and dressing. These mums got the wrong end of the stick as they're not allowing their pre-teen girls to develop in their own time at their own pace and enjoy tehir precious childhood. Many mums are so proud that their daughters don't play with toys or run around in the park from school year 3/4 onwards. There is a lot of bitchy behaviour modelled on tictoc and other platform and 6-10 year old girls are soaking it up. They may appear as if they are the sassy girls but they will also have boyfriends at 11, vape at 12, sex and alcohol at 13 and goodness knows what before they are fully grown.

Back your dd, give her a smart phone free experience during primary school years lots of hobbies and friends outside of school also help. The more real skills she learns the better her confidence will be. If your dd is a stickler for rules, though I'd gently encourage her to step outside of that as it can be a sign of lower confidence, encourage her to express herself, be outspoken and have good resilience and manage her emotions. She'll need it in life.

A pp had it right: bitchy cliquey, gossipy, frenemy issues happen from 6-60. It's an excellent reminder not to take these unkind and silly frenemies too seriously.

No you are.

I don’t start fights, but I finish them.

I'm now wondering what consequences my poor seven year old GC will face and I'm fearful of her future. What was I thinking?
(Although she wins the kindness award every term in school and people in soft play etc comment how lovely she is).

YANBU I was shocked at the behaviour of a couple of year 2 girls at DSs birthday party that year standing in a doorway stopping another girl from going through whilst asking her bitchy questions about her hair and eye shape. Very different with boys, it was a bit of an issue apparently, I had no idea.

You're vile.

Good attitude

I'd encourage her to say, oh your top really suits you but it's not my style, I prefer x,y, z I like it on you though.

The way I'd communicate this to a child is that kids that are nasty about other's clothes are lame.

I know by the time I was about 12 I started to realize on my own that some of these girls, particularly the sexualized ones, came from homes where they weren't supported properly. That the freedoms they seemed to have were actually parents not looking out for them. But I wouldn't put it that way to kids.

a line out of Eastenders from one of the Mitchell Brothers

or off Shameless

Can you explain the thought process behind what led you to thinking revealing, sexualised clothes for children is fine? (Even if they are plastered with Disney characters…)

Excellent post 👏👏👏

Lol. I agree it’s hard to overcome a chavvy upbringing, I work on it every day!

What are they revealing and how are they sexual?

Do you find a 7 year old child's belly sexual?

I am afraid that on the basis of “I don’t start fights but I finish them”…. You have a lot of work left to do

Yes I remember some who were nasty little witches from Y1 in my class. Some were from very nice families too.

Turned into bitchy teenagers and oddly enough, the majority of them turned out to be nurses or teachers.