To wish someone had acknowledged our anniversary?

[JustAMum31]

I’m not talking about a big fuss - just a “happy anniversary guys! Can’t believe it’s been a year already” message or something?!

It was our 1st wedding anniversary this weekend. Obviously this is an occasion for DH and I to celebrate rather than other people but AIBU to feel a bit sad that not a single family member or friend acknowledged it at all?

I always send a message wishing a happy anniversary for immediate family and close friends and have on numerous occasions offered childcare for those that I know struggle to get time on their own to allow them to have a meal etc if they want it. I wouldn’t expect this in return, we have never had family childcare and that’s fine. For big milestone anniversaries we usually send a card and maybe a small gift if appropriate.

But for us, not even a text 🥲

Tbh I don't really think I'd remember anyone's elses first anniversary, I barely remember my own! Don't take it to heart.

I can’t even remember what I was doing this time last week never mind this time a year ago. The date may be forever ingrained in your mind, but it won’t be for other people.

last year no one in DH family remembered our anniversary so at 9pm he sent a photo of two glasses of wine and message happy anniversary to us. Slightly passive aggressive but if we didn’t acknowledge other immediate family members anniversary they would certainly let us know.

in all honesty I couldn’t care less if they remembered or not but the double standards are frustrating

The only reason I'm aware of someone's anniversary is Facebook memories. I wished a good friend happy 1st anniversary as she'd had an awful previous marriage, and after a lot of hardship, met her now husband, so I was delighted for her.

Other than that, I don't think I've ever wishes anyone happy anniversary, except for my husband!

I know it means a lot to you, but people have their own lives and worries.

We all prioritise different things. I don’t think I’ve ever said happy anniversary to anyone. I’ve got so many of my own problems, I can’t remember when someone else got married. Christ, I have to think about when I got married, anniversaries of my own don’t mean anything to me, let alone other people’s.

I’m sorry you feel hurt, and you sound like you care a lot about others to remember when they got married, but in reality, no one really cares but you. You never know what worries other people have, they might not have room to think about your anniversary.

I would expect your parents to remember. Everyone else, no. Honestly, I couldn’t tell you a single anniversary of anyone I know. But certainly, I think I’d remember my children’s. I don’t think we’ve ever received a card or a gift (we don’t get each other a card or a gift!), but our parents would have likely messaged to say happy anniversary the first year or so. They don’t anymore, but it’s been 17 years so they might not remember when it is now. 😂

I have no idea what date my friends got married. Not even my family! Anniversaries are surely just for you two? Unless you’re in a thruple?

It wouldn’t really occur to me to mark friends’ anniversaries, unless they’ve actively arranged a party to celebrate all together - and if they haven’t, I’d then assume they’re not that fussed about having other people acknowledge it. It’s sweet of you to make a big thing of it for others, but I don’t think other couples’ anniversaries are universally seen as something that outsiders are expected to get involved in.

its only important to you

Had no idea we were meant to acknowledge peoples anniversaries.

i am now wondering who I might have pissed off

I wouldn't expect anyone to acknowledge our anniversary at all. I only acknowledge anyone else's if it's a big one and they're having some kind of celebration. YABU.

YABU. No one cares

Facebook memories is the only way I know people's important dates. Was your wedding on FB? Are you on FB?

Saying that as I'm not now..

Your wedding anniversary is only important to you and your husband. I’d expect your parents to remember it not necessarily make a big fuss.

For a first anniversary, that's bad. If I'm invited to a wedding, I automatically put the date in the calendar for the next year and would make the effort to send a card. After that, probably just a text or a FB message.

I always think it’s weird when I get a card from my parents or in laws for my wedding anniversary. Like, what’s it to do with them!

YABU, I don’t know anybody who actively celebrates anniversaries unless they are milestone. 1 year goes so fast, it probably felt like yesterday and isn’t really an achievement IMO.

Im sorry you’re being unreasonable.

my brother was furious when I didn’t wish him a happy anniversary for his first year. It’s nothing to do with me and no I’m not going to remember.

five years later nobody wished me a happy first anniversary apart from Dh. Including my brother

I’ve never sent anyone, including my siblings, anything for thier wedding anniversary, and have never received anything from anyone either. The only reason we acknowledge it ourselves is because we are often on holiday.

I can’t even remember the dates of any friends weddings - if they put something on Socials, I might put a love heart on .. but that’s the sum total of effort

”congratulations you’ve not got Divorced” seems a bit odd.

Some people do like to make a fuss though. PIL expect an anniversary card each year. If dh didn’t send one (he didn’t one year when dd was in hospital), there is hell to pay. But they are the sort of people who expect cards for every occasion, even Easter and they aren’t even religious. I steer well clear of that situation.

I have a friend who sends us an anniversary card every year, probably because she met her husband at our wedding. I find other people bothering to remember the date a bit weird though!

Our daughter reminded me when theirs was coming up. Would have completely forgotten if she hadn’t even though I catered her wedding and we hosted it at our house. Went by in a flash.

Then again, I often forget our own.

I’m always surprised when every year one of my friends remembers our anniversary. I forget every year 🙈 I think you’re being too self involved here.

I think it's a nice thing for family or perhaps members of the wedding party to send a message at the one year mark... but I don't actually think it's necessary and certainly, after that, whenI get the occasional "happy anniversary" message I'm always bemused. So while I have sympathy for how you feel, I think you have to let this one go.

Hardly anyone remembers, ever. Don't take it personally.