To wish someone had acknowledged our anniversary?

[JustAMum31]

I’m not talking about a big fuss - just a “happy anniversary guys! Can’t believe it’s been a year already” message or something?!

It was our 1st wedding anniversary this weekend. Obviously this is an occasion for DH and I to celebrate rather than other people but AIBU to feel a bit sad that not a single family member or friend acknowledged it at all?

I always send a message wishing a happy anniversary for immediate family and close friends and have on numerous occasions offered childcare for those that I know struggle to get time on their own to allow them to have a meal etc if they want it. I wouldn’t expect this in return, we have never had family childcare and that’s fine. For big milestone anniversaries we usually send a card and maybe a small gift if appropriate.

But for us, not even a text 🥲

The anniversary of the day two people got married is of no interest or significance to anyone other than the two. I’ve never wished anyone happy anniversary unless I’ve been invited to a celebration for the big number years.

Don't take it to heart. It's not that no one cares its just that you are only the main character in your life, no one else's.

I would expect parents in a functioning family to remember their offspring’s first wedding anniversary but no one else.

I probably would have posted something in the family group chat with a photo saying ‘Remembering this wonderful day a year ago!’ if I were you rather than stew over it.

I would certainly expect your parents to acknowledge and give you a present and card for your first anniversary. My son has been married for 2 years, on both anniversaries I gave a card and some money for them to have a night away and a nice meal out, plus a small present relevant to paper, cotton etc. I imagine I'll carry on doing that. It would be nice if other family had texted you but not to be expected.
With my own friends and other family I've only acknowledged their anniversaries( even if I went to their wedding) if they were having a party and/or it was silver, ruby etc.

I wouldn’t remember anyone’s wedding anniversary except for my parents (there was a thread about parents’ ones, very divided responses!).

If I saw a SM post - perhaps a couple of prev unseen pics of the day, I’d probably comment my congratulations but other than that…

I’m always surprised when my mum sends a card. For my first anniversary we had cards from my mum and my grandparents. I was a bit sad this year on our anniversary because it was just my mum but more of a reflection that my grandparents are now gone than not getting a card.

Do these people expect you to do anniversary messages for them? My mum was always expected to send her parents card for their anniversary and I think it’s been drummed into her to do this, which is why she does it for us. If you are expected to do this, then yes it’s shitty for them to not reciprocate. Simply stop doing it and if someone comments respond with they missed your anniversary and so you thought we weren’t acknowledging anniversaries anymore. If you remembering people’s anniversaries off your own back, it’s unfair to expect people to respond with the same level. It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care, you would need to look at their whole behaviour pattern to understand that. You can either stop remembering for other people or if you genuinely enjoy sending happy anniversary messages, then do it because you enjoy it not because you expect it to be reciprocated.

Really? In a functioning family? I don't remember my own anniversary date let alone anyone else's. Certainly don't expect my parents to remember if I don't. (I have to work it out - so it was X day on the bank holiday weekend in x years Google what date that was).
The only one I remember sometimes is my parents because it's also mums birthday.
Pretty sure our family functions fine.

We’re very much a functioning family. I would have forgotten our daughter’s if she hadn’t mentioned it was coming up.

I barely remember my own. People have bigger stuff to think about OP

I'd think your parents would remember at the very least!!

I don't know anyone's anniversary, even the people whose weddings I attended.

I barely know the birthdays for my immediate family.

I have been known to celebrate very good friends' birthdays several months late (including milestone birthdays) as I have plain forgotten.

Mind you, I do have ADHD, so that explains why I don't remember things like this.

I honestly didn’t know that was even a thing.

It's really not a regular thing to wish others a happy anniversary. I can honestly say I've never done it and don't think anyone has cared.

My mother always makes a fuss about our anniversaries (I'm one of four siblings) and we all find it a bit weird and annoying. She is controlling at the best of times and it just feels as though she is trying to insert herself into what ought to be a private celebration for the couple.

I thought it was really fricking weird when my in laws sent us an anniversary card tbh.

YABU.

This date is special for you because it’s your anniversary.

People live busy enough lives and have enough going on, you can’t give people a hard time for not messaging about your wedding anniversary.

Yanbu, my mum used to buy us a present every year to represent what year it was. Just funny things. Paper we got a 12 pack of toilet rolls etc. My inlaws sent us cards. My dad and his partner used to get us a card and small gift for the first few years. My inlaws lifelong friends even sent us a card the first year. It's nice to be nice.

Well I'm in the minority because I would remember a first anniversary of a family member and a close friend. Not necessarily a card but certainly a message.
This is going the same way as birthdays on here in that you can't possibly expect anyone else to notice.
But there's loads of anniversary cards in the shops so someone must buy them. Or they wouldn't make them. None of those buyers must be on mumsnet clearly.

Every year Google photos reminds me I was at my friend's wedding, so I drop her a message.
I've also saved my siblings' in my calendar, so wish them Happy Anniversary when the reminder pops up.

It's not you that's self-absorbed, @JustAMum31 .

Thinking about it more... if it's the first wedding anniversary, is it a bit of post-wedding blues as you're not going to have that big day being fussed over again?

Literally half the posts have said they don't care and it's nothing to do with them.
But it's obviously important to OP so why hasn't anybody realised that. That's what actually matters, not rationalising it out as to why you can not spend 18 seconds of your life sending a text to someone who would love to receive a text, because it's nothing to do with you. But being thoughtful is such an old fashioned place to be in our busy busy lives.

No-one has ever acknowledged ours either, not even my mother, which after all the tantrums she had about having the wedding her way, did surprise me a bit.

It's alright, OP. It's okay to feel a bit disappointed but honestly this is normal.

Nobody lives a life that can not spare less than 20 seconds to text a good will message. It's an excuse trotted out time and time again and it's just not true.

Hmm. My mother has sent a card for the last 33 years, usually with a tenner for a bottle of wine. MIL hasn't.

Equally my mother EXPECTS a card on her anniversary with step. I didn't even go to the wedding and it's a pass ag pita but I do it otherwise she comments.

I haven't sent one to DS and DIL.

DH and I forgot our 2nd. We both remembered when we got home from work and got out the orwvious year's cards and signed them. We have now done that for 33 years. We treated ourselves to new cards for our silver wedding :). Have saved a "fortune".

@JustAMum31 it's a non issue.

Yes is this a thing? I have never done this other than when I’ve been invited to an event like a silver wedding celebration