To wish someone had acknowledged our anniversary?

[JustAMum31]

I’m not talking about a big fuss - just a “happy anniversary guys! Can’t believe it’s been a year already” message or something?!

It was our 1st wedding anniversary this weekend. Obviously this is an occasion for DH and I to celebrate rather than other people but AIBU to feel a bit sad that not a single family member or friend acknowledged it at all?

I always send a message wishing a happy anniversary for immediate family and close friends and have on numerous occasions offered childcare for those that I know struggle to get time on their own to allow them to have a meal etc if they want it. I wouldn’t expect this in return, we have never had family childcare and that’s fine. For big milestone anniversaries we usually send a card and maybe a small gift if appropriate.

But for us, not even a text 🥲

Honestly no one cares. I barely acknowledge my own

Personally if I've attended a wedding I always send an anniversary card each year - if still in touch and they are still together!

I would say 1 or 2 people send DH & I one.

I'd be disappointed on my 1st anniversary but wouldn't bother me so much in the following years. As long as my DH remembers!

@heartlessbitch Definitely not this 😊😂 I actually hate being fussed over! We had a very very low key wedding - ceremony only then took everyone out for a really nice meal - parents and siblings + their families only so 16 people all together. I got myself ready and made my own way there and we paid for everything ourselves.
I can’t stand being the centre of attention.

Thanks everyone for your replies 😊 you’re right. I guess it’s just highlighted a bigger pattern of behaviour within the family to be honest.
There would be plenty of comments made if myself or DH didn’t acknowledge an event within our families - anniversaries included.
If siblings etc forget an event then my parents would come to me to complain rather than the sibling as I “should know to remind them”.
In both my family and DHs family we’re the ones that everyone comes to to moan or to talk about their own issues yet nobody ever thinks to ask how we are etc.
I guess I’ve just spent a long time feeling undervalued by everyone and this has just highlighted that there’s a bit of a double standard.

DH and I only do cards for each other for occasions - we’re not ones for having a big fuss unless it’s for the kids 😊 I’m really not a high maintenance person, just hoped for an acknowledgment 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just to clarify too - I would never expect it from my children or force these things on them. It’s purely the fact that I’m expected to for other family but clearly am not important enough that they need to do the same

DH & I didn’t even remember our own 1 year anniversary nevermind anyone else’s. To be fair he did have an accident around that time so there was other stuff going on, but we don’t really bother with anniversaries much.
I wouldn’t worry about it, just be glad you are in a happy stable marriage.

I mean this in the nicest possible way - but no one cares.

People are too wrapped up in their own lives, their jobs, their families, their kids to even realise it’s someone else’s wedding anniversary.

You and your H just enjoy the day and don’t think too much about other people. The world keeps turning.

Yeah I’m afraid nobody cares when your anniversary is, it’s more for the two of you anyway.

Obviously there’s family stuff going on that highlights unfairness for you, which I totally get, but use this to redress the balance.

I remember one of my good friend's anniversary, but that's only because it's on my Mum's birthday. I just don't see it as a big deal for anyone but the couple themselves.

I didn’t know that this was a thing. I have never known anyone to do it.

It's one of those annual events that doesn't necessarily mean anything to those immediately concerned, let alone anyone else. Whether it's observed at all is very much a matter of personal/family tradition.

I've said "Happy Anniversary" to family members and friends when they've told me it's their anniversary, but I never make a note of these dates myself.

Other people’s anniversaries are not something you’re ‘supposed’ to remember or celebrate. It’s not like a birthday. Just because you pass on your congratulations to others on their anniversaries doesn’t mean that you can expect them to do the same.

I don't want people to remember ours it is for dh and I no one else

It's hard enough to remember all the significant dates in my own household. No chance of me remembering anyone else's anniversary.
Whilst it's nice enough that you remember others anniversaries, it isn't really fair to expect reciprocity. It wouldn't even occur to me that I should acknowledge another couple's anniversary and I'd think it a bit odd if someone did mine.

How are you expected too? You choose to don't you, if you are expected to then stop

When will people realise that marriages are about the TWO of you, not everyone else. Weddings are just big show off occasions, and then we all have to remember to congratulate you on having a wedding every year for the rest of our lives? Nah. Mark your anniversary between you.

YABU. Your spouse should remember tho. It’s between you two, nobody else.

DHs family get uppity when we don’t send a card for their anniversary but it’s none of our business.

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Nobody is going to remember your anniverssary, whether it's your 1st anniverssary or 10th, because it's not an event that's relevant or interesting for anybody but yourself and your husband.

Anniversaries, even when they aren’t your own, obviously mean a lot more to you than they do to most other people. Beware of becoming an anniversaryzilla.

I don’t think it is a thing. For my children i would write it down and send them and their wives a text but even a card would seem over the top. A lot of couples don’t even get each other a card so it would just highlight that if they started getting cards from other people.
I think a couples anniversary is by the nature of it for them and only them. I think it would be very strange is a friend expected me to remember their anniversary.
I do have a date in my diary to remember the anniversary of the day my friends partner died because I will reach out and offer support on that day. But for a wedding anniversary I don’t think it’s for other people to be involved in remembering it.

Agree with most. Once the wedding is over life goes on and hopefully many years of happy marriage. It is something for the two of you to celebrate, not for others to write in their diaries and note annually.

My own parents don't remember our wedding date. And tbf the only real reason I remember theirs is because i was born on their third wedding anniversary so it's my birthday too!

well 'forget' the next one for any family members and when they ask why say you didn't wish us happy anniversary or send a card so I presumed we weren't doing them anymore 💁

You should not be disappointed by this, no one has the responsibility to remember your wedding anniversary other than the two people who got married. Time to lower your expectations.

Reading your others posts then it seems that it is a wider issue of you feeling undervalued in the family and you are doing too much heavy emotional lifting.

I agree with @riverislandjeans about forgetting and saying 'Oh i assumed we aren't doing that now'. But family dynamics are hard. Reflect on those dynamics and what is not working out for you. I have recently had to do something similar with a friend of DHs. But it took about 20 years of me being irritated and annoyed before i put my foot down. I hope it does not take you that long!

There would be plenty of comments made if myself or DH didn’t acknowledge an event within our families - anniversaries included.

Stop all of that! No more cards and presents.

Message in the family chats that you were disappointed at lack of message.

That way they can’t moan when you stop acknowledging theirs.

I'd send a card for a close relative's first anniversary & given the way your family behave YANBU.
I'd stop sending them cards tbh & what a cheek to tell you it's your job to remind others!
I had my 25th anniversary a few years ago & it was lovely to have a few cards.
I wouldn't send or expect anything between 1st & 25th though!