To wish someone had acknowledged our anniversary?

[JustAMum31]

I’m not talking about a big fuss - just a “happy anniversary guys! Can’t believe it’s been a year already” message or something?!

It was our 1st wedding anniversary this weekend. Obviously this is an occasion for DH and I to celebrate rather than other people but AIBU to feel a bit sad that not a single family member or friend acknowledged it at all?

I always send a message wishing a happy anniversary for immediate family and close friends and have on numerous occasions offered childcare for those that I know struggle to get time on their own to allow them to have a meal etc if they want it. I wouldn’t expect this in return, we have never had family childcare and that’s fine. For big milestone anniversaries we usually send a card and maybe a small gift if appropriate.

But for us, not even a text 🥲

You need to change your mindset on this now to avoid further disappointment going forward. People have enough crap going on in their own lives to remember other peoples milestones. If you have children, don't expect lots of interest in your pregnancy/baby either. These things are rightfully front and centre of your world but they aren't for everyone else and that is absolutely fine.

There's so many people in our lives it's difficult to remember everyone's anniversaries. One of my sil is date mad and if you don't acknowledge all their special occasions they actually give you the cold shoulder. It gets very tiring trying to remember the shit ton of things in my own home never mind other people's lives.

Id say that despite you saying it’s not this is very much about the effort you put in that doesn’t get reciprocated.and that’s fine of course but don’t be a martyr . People don’t like you more because of that stuff they like you for you.

having said that , it irks me that my parents never acknowledged ours and that’s despite me as a child getting absolutely bollocked one year by my dad for not “getting your mother an anniversary card”. They had a horrible marriage as well hated each other.

The only wedding anniversary that I make the effort to remember is my parents, so I would never expect people to remember mine, including my silver anniversary that just passed. Keeping track of birthdays is enough for me, I am not willing to keep track of anniversaries too.

I don't remember anyone else's anniversaries, only my own.

I can just about keep up with birthdays, I think anniversaries would tip me over the edge!

I wouldn't take it personally 😊

In your position I would expect texts or cards off both sets of parents and all bridesmaids and your closest friends.

I would know the wedding dates of all my close friends and family.

I empathise, OP. I would feel sad too, especially as you do it for others. The thing is, though, people are busy and not everyone is as kind or thoughtful, unfortunately. I struggle with this sometimes - the fact that I will do kind things but often don’t receive the same effort or thought back. I’m trying to learn not to expect things from others just because I would do it. It’s a journey for sure! Still, happy first anniversary!! Hope you both had a lovely time. ☺️

I remember all my family’s anniversaries. I find it odd that so many others don’t. I think your feelings are valid OP.

Happy Anniversary!

For a first anniversary, I would anticipate close family to acknowledge the date. I sent flowers to my sister for her first anniversary (and also said that I wasn’t going to do anything again until her tenth!) and I try to remember to acknowledge close friends first anniversaries with a text message, but wouldn’t do anything after a year unless they have a party and then of course I’d bring a card and gift.

Exactly, years ago when people were on Facebook it may have come up as a reminder but not many people check Facebook regularly these days

I'm the odd one out here.
I have the date of every wedding we've been to in our planner & I do my best to text the bride or groom (whoever I'm most friendly with) each year.

I'm wondering now who thinks I'm a weirdo for texting 🤣

An anniversary is a private celebration between you and the person you share that anniversary with, unless you chose to celebrate an "impessive" milestone such as 50 years married. But its not something for other people to be involved in. I find this kind of thing incredibly weird, no one else really cares, even at 50 years no one else cares, its just a party to attend.

I am 55 and I have never once acknowledged anyone's anniversaries. I don't even know when mine is.

I hardly remember my wedding anniversary let alone anyone else’s.

I think in general maybe due to social media is the tradition of noticing other people's lives is decreasing. My mum and a lot of her friends send huge networks of cards at Christmas, a fair few at Easter, extended family birthdays , bereavements and wedd8ng anniversary's- at least the big ones. I think in many ways it's a tradition that helps knit connections especially where you don't live near someone anymore. So yes it's a bit sad and it is lovely to do for many people

Gosh, some of the comments here are from… clearly… very happily married people who are just full of sunshine and rainbows aren’t they. 🤦‍♀️😂

I don’t even remember my own! My mother in law some years has sent a card and I found it super lovely but it wasn’t necessary at all. It’s different for everyone but I think birthdays are the thing you really have to remember 🥰

@JustAMum31 See I don't think you're being unreasonable. If people weren't supposed to remember anniversaries, then why would 'Happy Anniversary' cards exist?
Somebody else may have said the same, I haven't read the whole thread.
We've managed 18 anniversaries. Inlaws are terrible, no acknowledgement from them but my parents always send a card, my sister texts and one couple always do a Facebook post. We had about 10 people at our wedding though.
I would feel pretty sad too so have absolutely no messages or references to a wedding only a year ago.
I hope you & the other half had a nice weekend celebrating 🍾 😊

Don't take it personally, the only people who send us a card/message is my parents and only because they are fastidious about writing dates on their calendar every year. I can barely remember birthdays let alone any other dates.

Happy anniversary from me 🥂

I forgot my own wedding anniversary this weekend

Like most people on this thread, I have no idea when anyone else got married and I definitely don't expect them to know when I did either.

My mother used to expect/force me and my brother to buy them gifts for their anniversary each year (using our pocket money) which was weird as hell. Please don't become that parent!

I would take this as a reset OP

Now you have your own personal wedding anniversary, that trumps, for you everyone else's.

So you can stop wishing others happy anniversary and if they ask you can tell them. "Where was my happy anniversary?"

It saves you a ton of remembering.

For your first one only, family should acknowledge it. I always do and its been done for me

I would certainly expect both sets of parents and siblings (depending on closeness) to message. I would also have been talking about anniversary plans to my mom, so they would be aware. But other people, friends? No expectation at all.