To wish someone had acknowledged our anniversary?

[JustAMum31]

I’m not talking about a big fuss - just a “happy anniversary guys! Can’t believe it’s been a year already” message or something?!

It was our 1st wedding anniversary this weekend. Obviously this is an occasion for DH and I to celebrate rather than other people but AIBU to feel a bit sad that not a single family member or friend acknowledged it at all?

I always send a message wishing a happy anniversary for immediate family and close friends and have on numerous occasions offered childcare for those that I know struggle to get time on their own to allow them to have a meal etc if they want it. I wouldn’t expect this in return, we have never had family childcare and that’s fine. For big milestone anniversaries we usually send a card and maybe a small gift if appropriate.

But for us, not even a text 🥲

then don't allow the double standard! Stop acknowledging them.

I can only just about remember important birthdays, never mind their anniversaries.

I understand you might feel a bit put out if you always remember other peoples but I don’t think that’s the norm. I couldn’t even tell you when my own mum and dads anniversary is.

I don’t remember any anniversaries except one friend.

And that’s because she married on my birthday.

In my family, we always acknowledge wedding anniversaries. I buy a card and present for my auntie and uncle every year and my mother would kill me if I didn't do her and my dad's! I'm not married, but if I was, I would definitely expect my family to treat me the same I do them. I wouldn't expect anything from friends though, as I don't do any of their anniversaries.

It’s your anniversary
it’s a non event / normal day to others

I would have zero idea of when any of my family or friends anniversaries are. Had no idea it was ‘a thing’. If someone sent me a photo thinking they were passively aggressively letting me know, I’d honestly think they had accidentally pressed send to me instead of each other and would reply accordingly thinking I should let them know so the photo gets to the other spouse🤣.

I am a similar type of person as you, I remember dates really well and always acknowledge anniversaries, birthday’s, children’s birthdays etc… and do not always get it back in return and have definitely been disappointed in the past.

I think realising that not everyone is the same as you in acknowledging events rather than taking it personal is the route to go. I doubt that people don’t care about you or your husband, it’s more people forget and have busy lives.

I have also stepped back myself of always being the person interested in others lives when I do not always get the same back. It helps myself feel more free and less disappointed in others.

To be honest, I wouldn’t expect someone else to remember or care when my anniversary was. DH and I exchange cards, and sometimes have a meal out. I can’t remember the anniversaries of any of my friends or relatives.

I would not dream of wishing someone happy anniversary - its nothing to do with me.

Unless it’s something like a 50th anniversary and the couple is throwing a party, I would not expect anyone else to acknowledge an anniversary.

I don’t remember anybody’s anniversary. It’s a total non event. I’m rubbish at birthdays too.

I couldn’t tell you anyone’s anniversary except my own. Tie only way most people do is probably things like Facebook memories, I hate to break it to you but once the wedding is done it’s not really relevant for anyone else.

I think it depends on whatever the norm is in your respective families.

In my family, anniversaries are just for the married couple unless it's their gold/silver/diamond wedding in which case there might be a bigger celebration. DP's family always send cards to each other for anniversaries.

Nope. It's not a thing..I love sending cards but not anniversaries it's too difficult to maintain all those dates. We got married on a really memorable date and no one has ever remembered. Don't worry about it.

This is a good reminder for anyone stressing about who to invite to your wedding and paying silly amounts per head. Don't bother they wont even remember to wish you happy anniversary.

You sound like a thoughtful person op. With such a small wedding you would think some of those involved may have remembered. My older family members would definitely send cards. I however do not, life is so busy and equally do not expect cards either.

God I barely remember my own, it’s definitely not something anyone else cares about.

Well from now I would stop acknowledging theirs. You now have the perfect comeback if they moan.

Really? You actually did that? "Slightly" passive aggressive? . If you always acknowledge their anniversaries, then how do you know that they would "let you know" if you forgot? I would honestly just get on with your life and wait until something worth worrying about happens.

I dont think you are being unreasonable - I would be upset if my parent or sibling didnt acknowledge my first wedding anniversary, even just a text. Likewise maybe maid of honour - "wow a year!" or something. First year only really then life moves on.

I dont think its "weird" or "self involved" - wrong place to ask OP x

I don’t think anyone has to acknowledge anyone else’s wedding anniversary unless they’re invited to a party for it.

Its our 20th anniversary today and for once DH and I did mention it this morning “has it really been 20 years?, where has the time gone?” That kind of thing, it just doesn’t seem that important. I wouldn’t expect anyone else to care, even if it was our first and they’d been at the wedding.

I won’t say you are being unreasonable as we’re all entitled to feel differently but I do think it might be best to realise that other people don’t usually care about anyone else’s milestone events and just celebrate together, or throw a party if you want recognition.

i dont think i would remember someone else anniversary. Growing up we (Siblings) always celebrated my parents anniversary (Held parties for them, flowers, hoildays etc) and they did nothing to celebrate. Now I find that odd. Its for the couple to remember and celebrate only.

no, her husband did

Op you already have children and married now, I think you’re being a bit childish. The day is over for everyone and it only means something to you. Also no one is forcing you to send wishes if that is how you feel.

Outside of a 50th anniversary where a party might take place, I can't imagine wishing anyone a happy anniversary. It's really just for the couple.