To wish someone had acknowledged our anniversary?

[JustAMum31]

I’m not talking about a big fuss - just a “happy anniversary guys! Can’t believe it’s been a year already” message or something?!

It was our 1st wedding anniversary this weekend. Obviously this is an occasion for DH and I to celebrate rather than other people but AIBU to feel a bit sad that not a single family member or friend acknowledged it at all?

I always send a message wishing a happy anniversary for immediate family and close friends and have on numerous occasions offered childcare for those that I know struggle to get time on their own to allow them to have a meal etc if they want it. I wouldn’t expect this in return, we have never had family childcare and that’s fine. For big milestone anniversaries we usually send a card and maybe a small gift if appropriate.

But for us, not even a text 🥲

Need reminding of my own anniversary half the time so be blown if I remember anyone elses

Same - one year it was fruit and we gave my daughter and sil a giant inflatable banana and a basket of fruit, leather one a leather book cover, cotton, a Christmas table cloth etc. We did this for 20 years! The main anniversary, Silver, Gold etc certainly get recognised and celebrated, afternoon tea, day out, weekend away, family dinner, special holiday, flowers, cake. Really surprised at the number of posters who don’t bother.

Other people's anniversaries aren't on my radar at all. I'd probably send a card to a friend or relative for a diamond wedding or something huge like that, but one year is really only important to the couple. Why would you want validation from others? Seems strange to me

Sorry you’re feeling sad about this op. It means a lot to you. Unless I get a reminder on Social Media I don’t tend to remember other people’s anniversaries. Actually thinking about it, a few years ago my husband and I forgot our own! I think it was 7pm before we remembered! Not a reflection on our marriage, just an oversight. Happy anniversary to you anyway.

I don’t know anyone’s wedding anniversary bar my own. I don’t know my parents anniversary or even my best mates and I went to her wedding.

Just read your update OP..
Its clear its not just the anniversary that's bothering you, but the inequality of treatment. You are expected to make the running for them, take responsibility (and the reprimands) for other siblings remembering people's birthdays.

I know how you feel. I once had a relative calling to chew me out at length that their DC's birthday card was a two days late ( due to post not to me!) My apology wasn't accepted.. I was amazed they could find enough verbal fuel to go on about it. The irony was that they had been 5 MONTHs late with my DC's card, but this didn't bother them in the slightest. We used to send cards and then give a present on meeting up... they didn't bother with a present either saying "I never know what to get boys". After that I decided to bother a lot less. It's easier with bank transfers and texts.. so that's what they all do now. Although one recently said... I can't see the point in just exchanging cash, it cancels out.. so that's the end of that. Another family member wanted to keep up the tradition of exchanging gifts so we do.

I think you need to step back a bit from doing all the running, acknowledge those who bother and do less for those who don't since they are signalling they don't care about such things anyway and focus on your new DH and people who are really present in your life. Accept that not everyone is card orientated but there are people who will turn up for you.

Also, plan something lovely for you and your DH to celebrate. It sounded like a lovely wedding. Congrats.

For a first anniversary I don't think it's unreasonable to expect at least one of your parents/siblings/best friend /bridesmaids /best man to remember and text happy anniversary or send a card.
Although after the first anniversary that you would be unreasonable to expect it.
I guess it shows that weddings are really only important to bride and groom regardless of size or cost.
Happy Anniversary!

If I attended the full day wedding, I always send anniversary cards.

I completely forgot my own anniversary one year never mind anyone else’s.

I should add that I don’t include the absolute stonkers - 50, 60, even 70 years, god willing. They are really cause for celebration with the family at least.

We don't celebrate our own, let alone anybody else's!

I know when my sister's is and have historically always got her a card (it's the day before her birthday so hard to forget, they just go together when I am in card buying mode). She in return always gets me a card, so that's how I know it's mine 🤣.

BIL is currently on his third marriage, he got married abroad this time, then had a party here a few weeks later, but I have no clue what the actual marriage date was.

I have no idea when any friend's anniversaries are, even the ones I went to. Not a clue.

I send family anniversary cards - parents, siblings, nieces and nephews. They all send to us and each other too.

I know on here posters always say they don't send cards but, if that is true, who exactly is buying all the cards in the shops?

For you they’re special.

You?

Probably just spouses...
How do you even have the time and head space to deal with all those anniversaries on top of birthdays/Christmas/weddings/christenings. Does a week go by without you sending a card for something?

Some people do send anniversary cards - but most card shops will stock only a small handful of anniversary cards in comparison with dozens of cards for e.g. birthdays, which indicates that the market is a lot smaller and most people aren’t sending anniversary cards on an annual basis to all their friends and family in relationships.

There are also cards congratulating on new jobs - but most people don’t send them every time somebody they know gets a new job.

To be honest we quite often forget our own, it’s become a thing where we see who remembers first in an “oh crap we’ve forgotten again” kind of way. 40 years in a few weeks! We’ve decided it really doesn’t actually matter after all this time, the rest of the year is equally important!

I have one to post today, it was always a tradition growing up, that if you went to the wedding you send a first anniversary card. Lets the couple know you remember their day fondly. Cheers them up after the "honeymoon period" I guess.

Some people actually do care. They like seeing people happy and they do recognise other people's milestones and will acknowledge them. This 'nobody cares about anything or anyone that isn't themselves' just isn't true. Plenty of people genuinely care about other people.

It's not about celebrating their anniversary. It's about acknowledgement of a milestone in their life that's important to them. In this case the OP has made it pretty clear to her friends and family that it's something that they see as important and appropriate because they do it for others. Knowing this as their friend or family, is it such a big deal in life to send a message say well done on the first year. This time last year you were giving that lovely speech. Took me 9 seconds yo write that.

Anniversaries are for the people involved. And weddings are a strange type of anniversary, as they only involve two people and no one knows if the relationship is happy, rocky, or if the people involved have remembered, so no one wants to show people up.

I was in my 20s and both my parents were dead before I knew the date they got married. Had to find out for the estate. I’ve forgotten again now. I remember their dates of death and sometimes think about those anniversaries.

No one has ever said anything about any anniversary I’ve ever had apart from the anniversary of my birth - so it’s an odd one as where do you stop with all the ‘this time last year’s

Time to take a step back OP from the takers.
Match their energy from now on.
It's extremely freeing.
Happy anniversary.

As the old adage goes, "no one is thinking about you half as much as you are thinking about you."

TBH, your parents and siblings should have remembered and perhaps said something, but everyone else? Nah.

Then you just have to not think about their anniversaries and if they say something you look dumbfounded and say "I thought we didn't do those since you didn't say anything on ours'".

I forget ours EVERY year. DH is keen dates so he never forgets. I do remember close family's birthdays but not friends'.

The date is a big deal to you, not others.