Changing rooms in pool

[TheSpryGoose]

My sister took her DGS7 and my DS12 swimming in our local leisure centre early this morning.
She was unaware that there were no family changing areas.
There is a female changing area with cubicles and a communal changing space and male changing room with NO cubicles, just one big communal changing space.
She sees a big sign outside the ladies changing area saying that boys over 8 are not allowed in the ladies changing area and must use the mens changing room.
She did not feel comfortable allowing my prepubescent son to change in a room alone with grown men and so did a check of the ladies changing room to make sure there was no one in the communal area, got him to change in a cubicle while she waited outside it and let him know when it was ok to come out to go in the pool.
I completely understand not allowing boys over a certain age in a communal changing room (and vice versa) but am I unreasonable in thinking that expecting children aged as young as nine to change unsupervised in a male communal changing room is a massive safeguarding issue?
They should surely work out a way to create a family change area?
To be honest, I have only recently started letting my son use the male toilets on his own and depending on where we are and how busy it is, I will wait outside for him and call out ‘I’m waiting out here!’ as he goes in.

I think you are very late letting your son use the toilet alone so your judgement is probably different from average on the changing room issue too.

I would not let my 9 year old son go into a public loo on his own. Mine now grown men, came into the ladies. If not acceptable they'd be using a disabled loo. Your sister did the right thing in my opinion.

Unless there are special needs, a 12yo boy can and should change in the men's changing rooms. He should not be brought into the women's changing rooms. She was wrong to do so.

How do you imagine the young girls feel with a nearly teenage boy changing among them? He should be mature enough to supervise his sibling changing.

I can't imagine a 12yr old boy was happy using the ladies?! Or even in a family room with his aunt if there had been one!

I agree 9 is a bit young to be unsupervised in the mens, but I've an 8yo DD who is heading into puberty and is very much not comfortable changing in front of the many boys her age and older that are in the ladies communal changing room at her swimming lessons. Obviously there's nowhere else for her other than the ladies so we have to make do with a poncho thing which is a pain in the butt.

I don't know what the answer is, if there's not a male adult who can accompany them and there is no family space, and they're not old enough to be alone in the mens.

You can’t let 12 year old boys in the womens changing room!

Boys go in the boys/mens.
Girls go in the girls/womens.
Babies, toddler and small children who need help with toileting and putting on their clothes accompany the adult.
Family change where available is mixed.
Disabled people use disabled facilities.
Everyone should be respectful of privacy.

Certain exceptions apply but none of them in the situation you describe.

Your son is well over the age limit that they have set, at 12 he should be using the male facilities.

what age would you suggest was appropriate?

So your son is 12 and you shout into the men's toilets? Are you sure he's not mortified?

Good grief. He is 12!. Surprised he agreed to it actually.

Confused as to why there was an issue as your son is 12 and the other child was you ge enough to go in ladies ch aging room

I think you did the right thing. I hope your sister says something to the sports centre for the future.

Tricky one. I would not want my ds10 to change in a communal men’s area. I also think your sister was a bit unreasonable to take a 12 year old boy into the women’s, but I understand why she did it. I think the leisure centre has fucked up massively by not providing a family area and, if it were me, I would not return. I do not have the option of bringing a man with me to supervise ds10.

You can't bring a 12yo to women's changing rooms or toilets. My DS would never agree to do that either.

He has only recently turned 12 and has been using the male toilets on his own since starting secondary school.
He would use family toilets or disabled toilets if out with me alone or go in the men’s with his dad.
I do not know what weirdo is in that bathroom that my child is walking into alone to take his penis out in to urinate.
Now he is at secondary school I of course let him use the men’s alone but if we are somewhere that is not and I have no idea who is in the loos, I will wait outside for him.
He is still a child, not yet a teenager and still very much looks like a young boy.

Not this again!

OP, suggest you go and look up one of the bajillion other threads on this topic, all of which ran to hundreds of posts

God no. He should have used the men’s changing rooms. imagine is you had a 12 year old daughter in the women’s and a 12 year old boy came in to get changed. Completely inappropriate

it completely unacceptable to take a 12yo boy into the women’s changing rooms. They are provided for women and girls to change in privacy and dignity, so women’s and girls’ privacy and dignity take priority over the perceived needs of any male. If a woman isn’t comfortable allowing a 12yo boy to use the male facilities without supervision, then that leisure centre isn’t appropriate for that family and they should go elsewhere.

He should have used the men's changing room. He's quite old enough.

To be clear, it was 8.50am in the morning and there was no one in the (separate)communal area when he went to change in the cubicle.
My son felt a lot more comfortable than changing in a communal area in front of grown men.
I also explicitly stated that I agree that children over a certain age should not be in women’s changing areas - I am suggesting that there should be a third space - be it one or two family cubicles that these children can change in.

Unless he has particular needs he doesn't need to be in a family room either.

So - at what age will you allow him to change in the men's and not compromise the dignity of girls and women by taking him into the female changing area? Girls and women COULD have come in whilst he was in the cubicle, by the way.

Thank you.
If it had been busy or there was anyone else around she would have taken him home.

Twelve?! Eight might be on the young side, at twelve a young person without special needs should be using the facilities for their sex or if that’s too hard then going to a different pool. I agree that there should be cubicles but in their absence I’d send a boy into the toilet not the women’s changing room.

I have a prepubescent son about that age with ASD - he can’t use toilets or changing rooms by himself so if his Dad isn’t with us we either use disabled facilities, we change at home and just put on robes poolside or we just don’t go to one particular pool that doesn’t have a mixed sex cubicle “changing village” type arrangement. I wouldn’t take him into women’s facilities - it’s undignified for him and potentially distressing for other users. I have a daughter under eight and I’d be pretty annoyed if a random twelve year old boy was in the room while she was changing.

But what if some girls had come in at 8.51 and wanted to use the cubicles? Would your sister ask them to wait outside so your son could safely exit the wrong changing room?

It doesn’t matter that the changing room was empty. Women/girls could have come in at any time, and they should not have to encounter your son. It also doesn’t matter that your son felt comfortable. He’s male and doesn’t belong in there, full stop. His comfort is irrelevant.