Changing rooms in pool

[TheSpryGoose]

My sister took her DGS7 and my DS12 swimming in our local leisure centre early this morning.
She was unaware that there were no family changing areas.
There is a female changing area with cubicles and a communal changing space and male changing room with NO cubicles, just one big communal changing space.
She sees a big sign outside the ladies changing area saying that boys over 8 are not allowed in the ladies changing area and must use the mens changing room.
She did not feel comfortable allowing my prepubescent son to change in a room alone with grown men and so did a check of the ladies changing room to make sure there was no one in the communal area, got him to change in a cubicle while she waited outside it and let him know when it was ok to come out to go in the pool.
I completely understand not allowing boys over a certain age in a communal changing room (and vice versa) but am I unreasonable in thinking that expecting children aged as young as nine to change unsupervised in a male communal changing room is a massive safeguarding issue?
They should surely work out a way to create a family change area?
To be honest, I have only recently started letting my son use the male toilets on his own and depending on where we are and how busy it is, I will wait outside for him and call out ‘I’m waiting out here!’ as he goes in.

And of he had come out of a cubicke to find a group of girls changing?

There was clear signs. If you aren't happy with the facilities, go to a pool with family changing instead.

I don’t get it? If the women’s was so quiet nobody was inconvenienced surely the men’s was too?

At 12 a child without snncan use a leisure centre changing area designated for their sex. This very post explains how you can’t please everyone - half of Mumsnet is up in arms about communal changing villages the other half wants them! For leisure centres mixed sex cubicles work so much better, the ones here fit 2-3 people so a couple or family can change together

I do not know what weirdo is in that bathroom that my child is walking into alone to take his penis out in to urinate.

You sound paranoid on his behalf. You're probably doing him no favours being like this.

Perhaps the 2 boys, neither of whom should have been in the incorrect changing toom, should have gone in the (quiet) men's changing room together

My ten year old changes in the men’s alone every week when we go swimming. He understands the etiquette and my biggest concern is him losing something and me not being able to look for it.

there are generally fathers and sons around at a similar time but my son determinedly speaks to nobody and is quite quick,

Yes they could have, you are right. That is why my sister was standing outside it and letting him know when it was ok for him to come out.
The women’s changing areas have cubicles and a separate (through doors round the back) communal changing area.
TBH, I would have gone to the reception to ask for him to use a toilet somewhere else and made a complaint.
That was her choice and I get why she did it, but also hear what others are saying about protecting other girls dignity.
I also feel like it is important to protect all children, regardless of sex, and do not feel it is appropriate for children as young as
9.

Reverse the sexes and this would be very creepy - why on earth are you loitering around /shouting into mens toilets when you aren’t a man? By all means wait outside (like, all the way outside and several paces from the door) but unless your son is taking an extraordinarily long time you need to stay well out of men’s toilets. Dignity goes both ways - why the heck should a man have to navigate past you to go to the toilet?

And quit using disabled facilities if you/your son don’t actually have a disability.

Actually, if you had read my post correctly, the 7 year old boy was allowed in the women’s changing area.
Boys over 8 are not.
Also 7 year old is ND and needs to be supervised by an adult.

I think she should have left if she thought it was inappropriate for him to go into the mens changing room.

I think it’s outrageous to take him into the women’s. He’s twelve, he needs to be treated like a twelve year old and not a primary school child. This is how children end up afraid of everything, anxious and unable to manage normal events.

She was being V V V U to have a 12yo boy in the ladies. Did she not think of what it would be like for the girls and women changing in there? Was he not totally mortified? My brothers wouldn’t have stepped ina ladies changing room age 12. It’s really selfish and I’m fucking sick of people thinking they can shit all over women to protect males.

Your son was old enough to be in the men’s.

Of course I am not standing in the doorway 😂
I am stood well enough away from the entrance and only do that when the toilets are very quiet and possibly empty.
As for calling in, do you think I pop my head on the door way and do this?
I call out after him as he goes in.

They are not siblings.

FFS disabled toilets are not there for boys whose mothers are too scared to let them use the gents. 12 is way too old to have just started using the gents.

I do not know what weirdo is in that bathroom that my child is walking into alone

Do you realise that a lot of people will think your son is the weirdo for being in a ladies toilets and changing rooms? Is that ok that they have to feel that way?

At what age are girls allowed dignity?

What if a 12yo girl, like my DD, came in when he was coming out? She’d have felt mortified by seeing him in her space.

Apologies. I read it as 9. That doesn't excuse your son though.

You’ve been repeatedly told your son should be getting change in the men’s and be able to use the men’s loos without you pandering at the doorway. Stop babying him and let him be independent

I’m also not surprised he was more comfortable in the ladies, he’s got a mother who tells him the boogie man is waiting in the gent’s spaces.

A 12 year old boy is more than capable of getting himself changed in the mens changing room. If there were supposedly no women or girls then I can’t imagine the mens was rammed full either.

It was absolutely not okay for him to be in the womens- at all.

My son has ADHD and autism, he is high functioning but perfectly within his rights to use the disabled toilets 👍
His ND is part of the reason I am more over protective I suppose, he is very young for his age.
Maybe that’s why I have a different view of unsupervised children in the mens facilities.

How does he cope in school where presumably there are big bad 16 year olds or perhaps even 18 year olds?

I also feel like it is important to protect all children, regardless of sex

Unless it’s a girl on a space that belongs to her, apparently.

Women and girls spaces are not a refuge for avoiding shitty men

You still sound far too involved in the situation - if you’re so certain there’s no men in there then you have no need to be loitering or looking or shouting in the door do you?

At what point are you going to stop calling out after him - 21?!

At 12 I would frequently go to the pool with my mates at the weekends, no adults at all. Crazy that a 12 year old can’t get changed in the men’s