Changing rooms in pool

[TheSpryGoose]

My sister took her DGS7 and my DS12 swimming in our local leisure centre early this morning.
She was unaware that there were no family changing areas.
There is a female changing area with cubicles and a communal changing space and male changing room with NO cubicles, just one big communal changing space.
She sees a big sign outside the ladies changing area saying that boys over 8 are not allowed in the ladies changing area and must use the mens changing room.
She did not feel comfortable allowing my prepubescent son to change in a room alone with grown men and so did a check of the ladies changing room to make sure there was no one in the communal area, got him to change in a cubicle while she waited outside it and let him know when it was ok to come out to go in the pool.
I completely understand not allowing boys over a certain age in a communal changing room (and vice versa) but am I unreasonable in thinking that expecting children aged as young as nine to change unsupervised in a male communal changing room is a massive safeguarding issue?
They should surely work out a way to create a family change area?
To be honest, I have only recently started letting my son use the male toilets on his own and depending on where we are and how busy it is, I will wait outside for him and call out ‘I’m waiting out here!’ as he goes in.

Genuine question, why do some people think it’s not appropriate for a male child to see adult male bodies? But not adult female bodies?

I see a lot of posts saying it’s not right for him to see naked men or vice versa, so he should be in the women’s, why? Why would your son be more comfortable around naked women than naked men?

If you don't want boys alone in changing rooms, you either
A) complain and campaign of family changing rooms
B) go to somewhere with family changing rooms

The answer isn't taking away from others to get what you want.

I agree. My brother had a really bad experience going into a men's public toilet when he was 10, whilst me and my auntie waited outside for him. I will never forget the look on his face when he came out. As a result I bring my own 10 year old son into the ladies with me if we are in an unfamiliar area or I feel the vibe is off.

In our case, I was concerned that our lone boy may be assaulted by an adult male

What’s being taken away by a child of 8 being in the changing room?

I understand that, but I don’t understand people who think their son shouldn’t see naked men full stop, or that if he did it would traumatise him.

I’m not understanding why seeing a naked adult of the same sex in a changing room or toilet would be inappropriate or traumatic?

Why not go into the gents with him then?

The situation my daughter had was that she had started puberty at age 12, I considered her safe to change in the female only changing room in a pool we know very well and feel very safe and at home there and in the female changing rooms was her 12 year old male classmate whose mother didn’t want to get changed on his own. My daughter was (understandably) mortified and left feeling very vulnerable at places we’d taught her should be safe (school and swimming pool). Clearly changing villages or similar are the best options but they’d cost literally millions of pounds to install at our local pool so they have rules which people choose to ignore that robs people of a safe area. It’s entitled behaviour. If you don’t like the rules then please go somewhere else, don’t just ignore them and assume that others will put up with your behaviour.

Think about what you are teaching your son (male) that’s it’s ok to put themselves first and regardless of how it may make uncomfortable girls his needs are more important.

If my daughter was present in the changing room she would feel uncomfortable with a 12 year old boy being in there, end result end her not wishing to go swimming anymore if she no longer felt safe. She is already not a fan of open changing room and me as her mother ensures that places that could put in an uncomfortable position I choose places that have cubical as an option. For you it’s ensuring you as a parent seek family changing rooms. If they don’t have those options find somewhere suitable.

Let’s teach our sons about safety and hopefully by the time they grow up they can then take on the responsibilities of ensuring those male spaces are safe for young teenage boys. Stop making the responsibilities on his safety being on my daughter giving him a safe space while making herself at risk and uncomfortable.

Yes they need family changing areas.
no your DS should not have used the female changing room.

I think there should always be the option for cubicles and personally i wouldnt use a swimming pool that didn't have cubicles available unless it was just for lessons for young children.

It is exactly the same in male changing rooms. We generally dry everywhere before removing our trunks and quickly dry our bits and pull our undies on. We don't parade round with willy's swinging everywhere.

Also just the same as a woman would, if guys spotted something inappropriate going on, we would intervene.

What a dreadfully sad world we live in, I’m genuinely horrified that anyone would feel their son may not be safe if he was in a changing room with someone like me, an older male, though sadly I do understand why people feel that. Our local leisure centre only has male and female changing rooms, but the male one does have some cubicles, though that alone obviously doesn’t guarantee safety

Boys over the age of 8 should not be going into the ladies toilets or changing rooms - my DS is 9 and if we go out without DH and he needs the toilet then he uses the men’s with me outside. He knows to shout for men/come straight out if anyone talks to him or makes him feel uncomfortable.

i think it is awful that some mothers think girls and women should deal with prepubescent boys in their toilets.

It feels like this entire thing could have been sorted by just changing in the car. Lots of logistical solutions here besides sending your half grown son into the women's changing room. In future just show up ready to swim and bring a cover up for after to hop back into the car.

My friend has a 12 year old son who is autistic and non-verbal who cannot go into spaces on his own. She usually sends him into the toilet with her middle son (who is 8) to supervise but if that's not an option she just has to bring him into the disabled toilet - because he cannot take care of himself at all (he forgets to zip up, flush, wash his hands - can forget to actually leave the toilets and just stays there. He uses a board with picture reminders at home). So unless your son is at this level of care requirements, you should start working on his independence if you intend to send/bring him swimming again.

I agree with everyone else, your 12 year old son should clearly be getting changed in the mens changing room by himself.

Whether "over 8" is the right cut off, I'm not entirely sure. But 12 is definitely more than old enough!

I have an 8 year old son. Options in my mind for swimming are:

1. Go with male adult family members as well, so they can keep him safe in a changing room.
2. Choose a facility with family changing rooms.

I wouldn't be comfortable with anything else. I do feel for single mums with this issue as usually dh is there to take our son to the toilet when we're out and about, and he also takes him to swimming lessons.

I do not know what weirdo is in that bathroom

Of course you do, "weirdos" exactly like your son and husband.

I’ve been thinking about this thread today.

Because of my job, swimming teacher, and because of my hobby, swimming (reasonable level, international, so lots of training); I have been in a swimming pool changing room, different ones, every day of the past 50 years.

20,000 days (just worked it out), more times as it will be at least once. Let’s go 50,000

I have NEVER seen a 12 year old boy in a female change. It’s literally absurd.

A 12 year old boy should not be in the women's changing rooms.
whatever their preferred pronouns.

How did sister know the layout of the men's changing room?

The dignity of the girls their age who are getting changed.
You do realise that a good number of girls start showing signs of puberty from 9-10? Your DS is not more important than them.

Preferred pronouns haven't been mentioned.

To be fair to that poster, it probably never occurred ti her that there would be any reason other than trans that a 12yr old boy would be in the female change

A good number of 12 year old boys will have started puberty too, as well as began to have an interest in the opposite sex.