Changing rooms in pool

[TheSpryGoose]

My sister took her DGS7 and my DS12 swimming in our local leisure centre early this morning.
She was unaware that there were no family changing areas.
There is a female changing area with cubicles and a communal changing space and male changing room with NO cubicles, just one big communal changing space.
She sees a big sign outside the ladies changing area saying that boys over 8 are not allowed in the ladies changing area and must use the mens changing room.
She did not feel comfortable allowing my prepubescent son to change in a room alone with grown men and so did a check of the ladies changing room to make sure there was no one in the communal area, got him to change in a cubicle while she waited outside it and let him know when it was ok to come out to go in the pool.
I completely understand not allowing boys over a certain age in a communal changing room (and vice versa) but am I unreasonable in thinking that expecting children aged as young as nine to change unsupervised in a male communal changing room is a massive safeguarding issue?
They should surely work out a way to create a family change area?
To be honest, I have only recently started letting my son use the male toilets on his own and depending on where we are and how busy it is, I will wait outside for him and call out ‘I’m waiting out here!’ as he goes in.

And you didn’t think that was relevant in your multiple other posts?!!

Talk about drip feeding.

Of course there should be a family changing room but if there isn’t your DS shouldn’t be in the female space. Perhaps you and your sister could start campaigning for a family space at this centre.

Yep interesting drip feed there. and doesn’t always indicate someone needs a disabled toilet - as the mum of a disabled son this fucks me right off

This is a hard one really.
I take my 7 year-old DD swimming and I’d be a bit shocked seeing a 12 year-old boy coming in.
At 12 he should have been using the men’s really.
I agree 8 is still quite young to be going into the men’s by themselves.
My colleague’s son is 12 and I’d be very uncomfortable seeing him coming in to the same space my little girl was getting unclothed in.

YANBU And It should be made a legal requirement for premises such as this to provide a safe place for children to change. There was a story about a little boy being SA in a public men’s toilet in my area years ago and it made my mind up that I’d never let my son go in alone.
It really surprises me on this site.. It’s full of women who are terrified of men coming into their changing spaces (understandable) yet they think little boys should just deal with that exact danger. As far as I’m concerned an 8 year old boy would stand the same chance as an 8 year old girl against a man, it’s not safe and family changing areas should be available, if not I’d do the same as you.

The point of the men’s having no cubicles, is so it is safe. Anyone in there is visible to everyone else so has to behave appropriately.

Men will be following the ‘gents rule’. No looking, no talking, no eye contact. Probably a towel round the waist. Much easier for men to be discreet than for women.

Unless you’re in Newcastle and they’ll be chatty, much to the horror of your average Brit that follows the gents’ rule.

So your 12 yr old is safe in the gent’s.

Boys and girls should be using the correct sex facilities, but rather than castigating women for the choices they make with their children, we should be doing more to eliminate the risk of harm. Which is always the behaviour of men.

No way I would want my 12 year old changing in front of other men. If it was men's only cubicles then yes he goes in the men's, but otherwise a cubicle in the women's is more appropriate.

Don’t do it. I literally changed where we do swimming lessons because some woman was taking her 12 year old boy into the ladies (two cubicles and the rest open) and it was horrible for my daughter.

At what age will you allow him in the correct changing room for his sex?

Even boys of 7/8/9 in toilets with their mum I find quite startling when going in with my 3 year old DD. A 12 year old boy in a girls changing room is bonkers, and tbh she/you are doing him no favours in the long run.

It isn't healthy to be bringing your DS up to think that he's the only person that matters, that girls don't deserve privacy from him. Also teach him that people with toilet related or physical disabilities need toilets for a reason (I have a DC with high functioning ASD and it is not a "disability in all situations" pass card, I'd never dream of her using the disabled toilets).

You are being ridiculous. He will have done a school swimming by now and be adept at wriggling in and out his costume under a towel. Suggest cubicles in the men's or a family room, but don't go in all guns blazing as if the swimming pool is the odd one in this situation.

Other girls shouldn’t have to forego their privacy and dignity because you don’t trust men around your son

He wouldn't be allowed to use cubicles in the female changing room as @stichgurusuggests at my gym. It's a square communal changing room with cubicles in two corners that you can't access without crossing the main area. And it's no boys over 7 in the female changing room.

You do get that it’s not because mums want to get changed in front of there 7 year old son, it’s unsafe to send boys into an area alone full of men for obvious reasons, they don’t walk around with rapist or pedophile tattooed on there forehead, it’s not worth the risk.

At what age will you let your son change where he should be changing?

Why do you need to call out, "I'm waiting out here!" rather than just saying it to him?

I'm slightly shocked. Yabu and very ott. Your son changes in the male area. My nephew is younger than your son but embarrassed if he changed in a female changing area.

In which case how will you feel when women assume your son is a predator when he is a little older? Or your partner? Or other family members? I hate this assumption that there is constant danger around every corner. Some people are evil. The vast majority are perfectly normal people going about their business.

He’s 12. What do you think he can get changed independently?

So at what age is it worth the risk @OoLaOoLa?

Absolutely.

Generally the parents that have these issues are the more occasional and recreational users of the facilities and it's their own uncomfortableness that is being projected rather than there actually being any issue at all - as believe me the kids that swim or do sports 5-6 times a week do not behave like this and neither do their parents.

Parents of boys that take the very precautionary stance with them on using the gents also need to remember that girls start puberty a lot earlier, and the over 8yr rule is accurate for that and needs respecting when there's separate facilities.

My DS and his friends are 11-12. The idea that they would be changing in women's changing room is just ridiculous. And there's no way they themselves would agree to it.