Changing rooms in pool

[TheSpryGoose]

My sister took her DGS7 and my DS12 swimming in our local leisure centre early this morning.
She was unaware that there were no family changing areas.
There is a female changing area with cubicles and a communal changing space and male changing room with NO cubicles, just one big communal changing space.
She sees a big sign outside the ladies changing area saying that boys over 8 are not allowed in the ladies changing area and must use the mens changing room.
She did not feel comfortable allowing my prepubescent son to change in a room alone with grown men and so did a check of the ladies changing room to make sure there was no one in the communal area, got him to change in a cubicle while she waited outside it and let him know when it was ok to come out to go in the pool.
I completely understand not allowing boys over a certain age in a communal changing room (and vice versa) but am I unreasonable in thinking that expecting children aged as young as nine to change unsupervised in a male communal changing room is a massive safeguarding issue?
They should surely work out a way to create a family change area?
To be honest, I have only recently started letting my son use the male toilets on his own and depending on where we are and how busy it is, I will wait outside for him and call out ‘I’m waiting out here!’ as he goes in.

I leave my DS waiting outside the toilet - have done from age 8 if I needed to take younger DD into the ladies. We've never had any issues with any dodgy people approaching him while he is waiting.

A 12 year old doesn't think of women in a sexual way? Really?

So the 7yo is ND and needs adult supervision. What will happen when he's over 8 and you don't have a male with you to take him into the men's?

And seriously - what on earth goes on in men's changing rooms and toilets that everyone thinks that boys, vulnerable men and transwomen can't possibly go in as it's so unsafe for them? I'm reminded of the 6ft male Dr Beth Upton in Fife who said he was scared to use the men's changing room with his male colleagues, ffs!

Where do disabled people get to go to the toilet if all of these non disabled children/parents are going into them?

I think for children between the ages of 8 and 11, there's a grey area because they're essentially recognised as in need of effective adult supervision in most other contexts. With boys of this age alone in the men's, you're essentially leaving children who would normally be expected to be supervised without supervision in circumstances where they're quite vulnerable.

If it's not a safety risk, then why do primary school boys aged 8+ doing school swimming lessons change separately from the general public supervised by their (usually female) teachers? Why not just send the boys into the men's? But if you spoke to any teacher, they'd tell you that having young children changing unsupervised around adults would present a huge safeguarding risk if they allowed it.

If it's not a safety risk, then why do primary school boys aged 8+ doing school swimming lessons change separately from the general public supervised by their (usually female) teachers?

Presumably because that way it's easier to make sure none somehow get lost/hurt. Do they not supervise the girls getting changed too, or do they just herd them into the women's changing room and hope for a minimal attrition rate?

So if children this age are in need of supervision when with their teachers, why do they stop needing supervision if with their parents?

In your example there's either a third and fourth space for the school kids to use or the pool is closed to the public anyway; there is no way on this earth that female teachers would be allowed into the men's changing room with actual men. A parent with a child of the other sex simply doesn't have the luxury of closing off a changing room.

Strangers in a changing stall are not the ones to worry about abusing minors. A vast, vast, majority of abuse happens by people known by the victims or the family. It's kinda like how people have overblown kids being abducted to be trafficked but almost all cases are done by family, including the parents.

Bloody hell at 12 I was getting the bus to the local pool and back on my own. Why on earth can't he get changed by himself.

I would have complained to reception about your son being in the ladies.

12 year old bus absolutely have sexual thoughts.

No way do us women and girls want your 12 year old son who is about to or is going through puberty getting changed in front of our children.

id give you a shitty look and point out where the mens are to your son.

Same!

The crucial thing here is that your son felt more comfortable in the ladies. His comfort is paramount at all times and in all circumstances. Women really need to be more accommodating and realise that it is our duty to prioritise the feelings and well being of males.

I’m so sorry that you feel the slightest doubt over your son’s choices. You shouldn’t have to feel uncertain enough to post in AIBU. The sisterhood has your son down

i wonder if the teachers at school ask the students to go into the opposite sex changing rooms to make are they're safe. They don't as it's ridiculous!

at secondary school.. where pupils are 11+

OPs son is 12, he will get changed there, where pupils up to age 18 are.

so her rhetoric doesn't make sense.

No way I would want my 12 year old changing in front of other men.

You can not want this. But if the pool only has men's and women's chaning room and you don't want him in sex-appropriate one, then you can't use that pool.

What does he do when he's out with friends and you're not there to mummy him? This is very odd!

How old is her son? I’ve re-read but can’t find the info, sorry if I’m being dense

It's the same rules at my local pool once your a certain age you have to use your toilets you say your g's doesn't want to go by himself well sorry but that doesn't mean some little girl hase to get changed with a boy in Thier room

An what about little girls that don't want to change Infront of a 12yo do they not get a say?

To be honest, it's starting to sound like men's toilets and changing rooms are far too dangerous for anybody to be using.

The only way we can realistically keep everybody safe is to completely do away with the men's facilities altogether and amend the sign on the women's facilities to say 'Women and Everybody Else'.

There's NO other option that will make sure that everybody's needs, dignity and safety are prioritised. Well, apart from those of women and girls, of course; but hey, you can't have everything you want in this life, and
women and girls we all often have to learn to make compromises.

I thought op said the girls changing room had cubicles, so nobody is getting changed in front of anybody?

She said it has a very small number of cubicles, but the majority of users change in the large communal area.

The question has been asked of the OP and others supporting her stance but not answered: at what age WILL your son not invade girls' and women's privacy and go into the changing room for his own sex?