Changing rooms in pool

[TheSpryGoose]

My sister took her DGS7 and my DS12 swimming in our local leisure centre early this morning.
She was unaware that there were no family changing areas.
There is a female changing area with cubicles and a communal changing space and male changing room with NO cubicles, just one big communal changing space.
She sees a big sign outside the ladies changing area saying that boys over 8 are not allowed in the ladies changing area and must use the mens changing room.
She did not feel comfortable allowing my prepubescent son to change in a room alone with grown men and so did a check of the ladies changing room to make sure there was no one in the communal area, got him to change in a cubicle while she waited outside it and let him know when it was ok to come out to go in the pool.
I completely understand not allowing boys over a certain age in a communal changing room (and vice versa) but am I unreasonable in thinking that expecting children aged as young as nine to change unsupervised in a male communal changing room is a massive safeguarding issue?
They should surely work out a way to create a family change area?
To be honest, I have only recently started letting my son use the male toilets on his own and depending on where we are and how busy it is, I will wait outside for him and call out ‘I’m waiting out here!’ as he goes in.

Her op says the women’s had cubicals and a communal area and the men’s had zero cubicles. To be honest I’ve never once seen anyone getting there daughter undressed in the communal area, and I’d also be a bit pissed if I was taking a little girl swimming and women decided to get changed there and got her vag out in front of my daughter. There’s no need for it!
This is the problem with the facility op used, it’s shocking the only option for boys is.. Of you trot, fingers crossed Jimmy Saville not in there with his knob out!

Or you could just STAY HOME. After all

• If my son can't see you fully dressed then you need to stay out of ANY PUBLIC space
• If my son can't see you in a costume then only go to ladies only swimming.

women were using ladies only changing room, but now should stay home, because teenage boys prefer to use that instead of men's?

Savile was still at it until he was a very doddery old man. He took advantage of his celebrity, extreme confidence and determination.

In another thread, people would be worried for this elderly gent's safety and saying that he should probably use the women's too!

You do know what a changing room is used for, don't you?

Where people, you know, get changed from one set of clothing into another - meaning that, unless they're Mr Benn, they will of course be at least partially naked at times.

Some changing rooms even have showers too!

Actually I’ve answered that question. What age would you feel comfortable sending your daughter into a room alone full of naked women, no cubicles?
I’m so surprised about the women who don’t feel the safety of boys matters. Do you get how many women have been sexually assaulted and flashed at ect.. Mums have a very real reason to be wary of men around there children, including their sons.

YOU need to get a grip. You're clearly anxious and will project this nonsense onto him. That's damaging.

Then teach your 12yo to change with a towel around himself. It's not difficult.

Yeah It’s just a bunch of women being hysterically about the dangers of men.

Umm...I'm saying the 12yo boy should NOT be going in the female changing rooms?

Great so he comes out of the women’s cubicle and runs into a preteen girl from his class who he accidentally sees changing and leaves her traumatised.
I was sexually assaulted by a stranger at the age of 11, so I am hypertensive to children’s safety but getting a 12 year old boy to change in the women’s changing room was completely selfish. He could have changed in the car if she was so worried.

I do. Oddly enough though - the fact I can't just walk past the door to the changing rooms and see everyone naked through the wall, also seems to mean that I can't see through the cubical walls. Weird really. Go swimming 2-3 times a week and am 43. Think the last time I saw a naked person at a swimming pool other than a baby or my own son I was 11!

Sarcasm is all well and good but that's exactly how this thread is coming across.

‘We saw a sign stated he wasn’t allowed in the female space but thought that we knew better and surly it didn’t apply to him’.

How can we make it clear: it is not about your boy, it is about the 12yo girl who is entitled to be in a female-only changing room, without risking bumping into your son.

I was just at DS's basketball match this Sunday, he plays U13, so they are 11-12.
The thought that those hulking boys, half of them bigger than me, would be using women's changing rooms is utterly laughable. And it would be absolutely terrifying for young girls to run into one of them there.

I don't have a daughter, but was going into women's swim changing rooms - in those days, just one open-plan room - without my mother from age 8. They're not "full of naked women", by the way, as women usually don't enjoy being naked in front of others and change quickly and under towels. But I fail to see why you'd think a girl would be at risk in the women's. UNLESS, of course, other women insist on bringing their sons in with them.

Are you dense?

why should women and girls have to stay at home just because your son is invading our privacy and space?

you know there's a reason for men and women's separate changing rooms. Your son is male. Off he can go into the males changing rooms. Your son does not exempt the privacy of women and girls just because you feel uncomfortable.

Jesus Christ.

And the many changing rooms that don't have cubicles - or that don't have enough cubicles, or maybe big enough cubicles for parents with several little ones accompanying them?

Not to mention those that have showers in the communal area.

Whatever the reasons for needing/preferring to use the communal area, the sign that says females only is on the door to the whole room, not just the cubicles. It's a bit like some random stranger parking on your drive and pitching up on your front garden with a gazebo and a picnic - then, when you see them and shout at them to go away, them pointing to your front door and protesting "But that's your private area - there's no house on this part, so it must be free for anybody to use".

The dangers are obviously a major concern; but even if they didn't exist, women and girls deserve same-sex dignity.

You may have a sweet, dear old grandad who wouldn't hurt a fly; or a kind, gentle 28yo son without a single mean bone in his body. Would you want them to be sitting there in the changing room whilst you were getting changed?

I had sons and the same problem, I didn’t want them in the mens on their own but too old for womens. I solved it by always taking a friend with them, I always felt much more comfortable sending 2/3 or 4 boys into the changing room together.

I just get worried about someone snatching her in a busy place!
She looks/is quite young for her age too.
Not sure if I'd feel differently if she was a boy but probably not.....

So utterly fed up of boys in women's changing rooms.
I was changing in a cubicle and a boy, maybe 7 or so, was on the floor and peering under the divider.
His mother did nothing.

@stichguru i don’t think you’ve said what age it would be OK for your son to go in the men’s? I am genuinely interested.

Also you seem to be ignoring the feelings of (say) 11yo girls who do not want to walk out of a cubicle, either in their costume or even dressed, and see 12yo James from their maths class in the women’s space.

We felt the same way. 8 is too young for a boy (or girl) to be alone with naked adults.

YANBU, there should be private cubicles for everyone. I wouldn't have sent my sons into a communal changing area with adults either.

12 is too old to be in the women's changing rooms.

That's why it's against the rules. Stop putting your own comfort and that if a nearly teenage boy over that of over women.