Meeting ow in a group setting

[Jellystar]

Hi, lurker here. My DH had an affair with a work colleague. I found out once it was over, but they continue to work together. They have zero contact apart from work matters that can't be avoided.I found out a few months ago and we are slowly building our marriage back up, which has been hard work. There will be a work event next week and I will be going with DH. OW will be there. AIBU to say something to her or make a sly comment. Or am I best to ignore completely. Please don't comment saying she owes me nothing and be angry at my husband. I know he was in the wrong, but so was she as she knew about me and my children. She knows I know about her.

Ignore completely.

Why on earth would you say anything to her? Ignore her completely.

Ignore. Inappropriate at a work event to make a scene and could embarrass your husband in front of his employers/ colleagues

AIBU to say something to her or make a sly comment

Terrible idea. And although you might think it would make you feel better, it won't.

This.

And to be honest you’d be embarrassing yourself, turning up hand in hand with the man who actually made vows to be faithful to you and then making digs at the woman who didn’t. Hate them both or hate neither.

Rise above it. Ignore her and don’t give her head space. I wouldn’t even look in her direction.

Let it go.
If you stay with the man who betrayed you but then try and swipe at the OW who didn't owe you any loyalty you will end up looking a fool. You could well end up being the but of jokes on the night and in the office.

Just ignore her OP, but do be careful not to have much to drink if alcohol is on offer, as your inhibitions may be lowered, and the last thing you want is to make a show of yourself.

Ignore her but think of something to say if she approaches you.

Seriously, WHY is your anger towards her and not your husband? Giving him a free pass but wanting to bitch at her, who owes you no loyalty. Get your priorities straight. If you’ve chosen to stay with him because you’ve moved on, you need to actually move on. You’ll look like a maniac if you try and make sly comments to her and you really will not get the satisfaction out of it you’re anticipating.

Ignore completely and rise above it

we have all planned wonderful scathing put downs that stun the person in the conversations we have in our heads. They so rarely go that way

Why are you going? And why is DH still working there?

Ok, results are pretty unanimous so far 😂
I just don't understand how a woman can knowingly get involved with a man with a wife and children, with no concern that they are potentially breaking up a family. I've not taken him back lightly, and I am well aware of what an arsenal he has been. But I understand how it would look of I seem angry at her in public whilst fine with him.

Rubbish. OW and the “d”h embarrassed themselves with their sleazy behaviour. Op has done nothing wrong, she can and should hold her head high.

You stayed with the person who betrayed you so not sure why you would be doing anything towards the person you aren’t married to!

You have made the decision to work on your marriage so you need to let this go. I suspect there are things you still want to say to your husband but are holding back in the interest of making your marriage work. There's no point in redirecting your anger towards this woman. What would it achieve?

She owes you nothing. He owes you everything. It is that simple. Do you have to go to the work event? I would be too embarrassed as guaranteed everyone he works with will know about the affair.

You have absolutely no idea what he told her. He could have told her you were separated and just living together for the kids, he could have convinced her you hated each other marriage dead for years etc.

No man starts an affair by telling the OW “I am madly in love with my wife and my family is the most important thing” because those men AREN’T the ones having affairs.

I can sort of see where a woman can be convinced a man is separating/together in name only and that is typically how affairs start. But I don’t at all understand how a married man with kids can think an affair is fair game, and I can’t imagine sharing a bed with my husband knowing he’s been with somebody else.

She’s still sharing a bed with him. She would be embarrassing herself to hold a grudge with the woman while the man who made those vows to her sleeps in bed beside her every night. There’s no holding your head high about that, you end up looking like the fool who he has managed to trick.

Just go, look fabulous, radiate happiness. Don't let her know she's even on your radar :)

Rise above it. You already have the high ground, so ignore her completely. Don't even look at her or acknowledge her existence. Treat as if she is not there. You have dignity and self-respect, she doesn't. She is the one who will embarrassed, as she knows she is in the wrong and that you know she is a cow. You can go with your head high, she can't.🌸

@Jellystar definetely ignore! Remember you don’t know exactly what your DH told this OW. You need to be appear classy and mysterious! Do not engage!

Why are you going to an event where your DH affair partner will be? That’s literally humiliating.

Why hasn’t DH left this company?

No, best to be the most dignified person you can be in an understated and elegant way.

In your shoes, I would stay for as long as needed and no longer. I would have one glass of wine tops.

Don’t waste time with him if he isn’t going over and above to save your marriage. There are lots of tales of woe on here about cheated on women wasting years of their lives on feckless men.

@Jellystaryou don’t understand how the woman can do it but you can forgive your husband? The OW owes you nothing your husband does. You would look pathetic to dig her out with a sly comment while being with him . Have some self respect and ignore her or even better I wouldn’t go to the event and he wouldn’t be either and he should be looking for a new job if you have any chance of saving your marriage