Page 15 | Meeting ow in a group setting

Jellystar · 2025-05-04T17:45:29+00:00

Hi, lurker here. My DH had an affair with a work colleague. I found out once it was over, but they continue to work together. They have zero contact apart from work matters that can't be avoided.I found out a few months ago and we are slowly building our marriage back up, which has been hard work. There will be a work event next week and I will be going with DH. OW will be there. AIBU to say something to her or make a sly comment. Or am I best to ignore completely. Please don't comment saying she owes me nothing and be angry at my husband. I know he was in the wrong, but so was she as she knew about me and my children. She knows I know about her.

LadyGAgain · 05/05/2025 19:15

I wouldn’t go. neither should he. Sounds like a social or awards event and he doesn’t get to be business as usual at the moment. Being absent together sends a clear message without saying anything.

Abitlosttoday · 05/05/2025 19:19

BakelikeBertha · 04/05/2025 18:51

Just ignore her OP, but do be careful not to have much to drink if alcohol is on offer, as your inhibitions may be lowered, and the last thing you want is to make a show of yourself.

I second this. Try to go booze free for the night. If you have the nerve, kill her with kindness. Big, charming smile, a few 'genuinely' interested questions about her professional life and wellbeing, laugh easily and move on with never a second glance. She'll be absolutely flummoxed.

Evilspiritgin · 05/05/2025 20:34

dafa · 05/05/2025 16:43

Because most men who pursue another woman will use all the cliche lies in the book, “we are separated”, “haven’t slept together in years”, “only together for the kids” etc etc.

I absolutely agree that she was in the wrong too, but your husband is the one who cheated on you, broke your vows. Also as the relationship ended, do you know if it was him or her who ended it? You have no idea if she ended it because of guilt.

Place your anger at the man who betrayed you.

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I can’t believe in 2025 some women would seriously drop her knickers in minutes for the old cliche “my wife doesn’t understand me “ or”we’re only together for the kids”. These are educated women not gullible girls

Who’s to say she didn’t go running after ops husband, saying “my husband doesn’t understand me” it takes two to tango and I’m sorry in this day and age they’re both culpable, as I’ve said ow isn’t a gullible kid, who the mean man took advantage of, she knew exactly what she was doing

sorry accidentally quoted someone by accident

BigHeadBertha · 06/05/2025 19:17

adviceneeded1990 · 04/05/2025 21:32

Anyone who stays using the excuse of a broken home is completely failing to acknowledge that the children’s home is already irrevocably damaged. They will sense the atmosphere, the lack of trust, the suspicions, the tension. Is that a better way to grow up? I’ve got a few friends whose parents “stayed together for the kids” (and often for financial gain). Every single one without exception wishes they hadn’t.

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Please read before arguing. At no point did I say that people need to stay together for the children. I said it's foolish to announce in absolutist terms that staying together after an affair should never be an option. That's a silly position to take when there are children together and so on.

Also, stop with the "every single time" absolutist nonsense. There was actually a very large scale study done in the US a few years back that showed that even an unhappy home had far better measurable outcomes in general than those who split. When there's not very serious problems like child abuse, there are simply more resources available for the children, money, time and being more the center of attention. Whoever you personally happen to know and what you think you know of how their lives would have been if the parents did split up is very weak.

Now, read this carefully before continuing to argue against a position you made up yourself. Good luck with it.

adviceneeded1990 · 06/05/2025 20:01

BigHeadBertha · 06/05/2025 19:17

Please read before arguing. At no point did I say that people need to stay together for the children. I said it's foolish to announce in absolutist terms that staying together after an affair should never be an option. That's a silly position to take when there are children together and so on.

Also, stop with the "every single time" absolutist nonsense. There was actually a very large scale study done in the US a few years back that showed that even an unhappy home had far better measurable outcomes in general than those who split. When there's not very serious problems like child abuse, there are simply more resources available for the children, money, time and being more the center of attention. Whoever you personally happen to know and what you think you know of how their lives would have been if the parents did split up is very weak.

Now, read this carefully before continuing to argue against a position you made up yourself. Good luck with it.

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Sure. While I’m reading, perhaps you can reflect on why you wouldn't actively encourage any woman to leave an unfaithful man? Do you have a belief, perhaps subconsciously, that men have the right to do what they want and we should put up with it? Infidelity is an absolutist situation for many, if not most, monogamous people.

As for a study being done, there have probably been several. You can find a convincing argument for anything on the internet and a study or article to match your views. It doesn’t make them correct, it just means a minimum of one other person somewhere agrees with your perspective. The measures you speak of included in these studies are things like children of the family graduating college, earning a certain level of income etc. Has anyone studied the mental health of these children? How about their ability to form a successful and healthy adult relationship? Their own divorce rates? That would be worth reading.