Meeting ow in a group setting

[Jellystar]

Hi, lurker here. My DH had an affair with a work colleague. I found out once it was over, but they continue to work together. They have zero contact apart from work matters that can't be avoided.I found out a few months ago and we are slowly building our marriage back up, which has been hard work. There will be a work event next week and I will be going with DH. OW will be there. AIBU to say something to her or make a sly comment. Or am I best to ignore completely. Please don't comment saying she owes me nothing and be angry at my husband. I know he was in the wrong, but so was she as she knew about me and my children. She knows I know about her.

Everyone has different levels of understanding. I don't understand how anyone could stay after an affair, just waiting for the next one, but you're fine with it........

Any comments etc should be made your husband he’s at fault

You’re not the only one. Half the office who knew about it will be thinking exactly the same thing.

Yeah I know it’s awful but if I was his colleague and was aware of this I’d be silently judging/pitying you for having low enough self esteem to stay. Why do you want to mend things with the man who hasn’t even changed jobs in order to help distance himself from the woman he was having sex with?

Does your dh have to go? Is it a work event or more social? I wouldn’t be impressed if it was optional that he wanted to go.

This. I wouldn’t put myself through this.

Which is why he needs to get a new job. If he’s really invested in rebuilding, surely he must understand that working with OW and putting OP in positions where she has to endure OW is not tenable?

Exactly! No amount of blow dries and killer heels would make me comfortable in that room.
I'd expect him to forgo the invite too.
He should be on the bloody job hunt after shitting where he eats - twat!

Your best revenge is to ignore her and don’t show that you are bothered.

If you’re happy and want to move forward with your husband then be happy.

I agree with this.

You have no idea what he told her. My marriage is over. I'm just living there till we can sell the house. It s you I love. My wife doesn't understand me. All she focuses on is the children. There's nothing left between us.

It's him you should be angry with not her. And make no mistake . He's been unfaithful to you once at least and you've taken him Back. Be dam sure he will do it again and knows you will take him back again. And again.

I wouldn’t go. Radiating fake happiness in these circumstances where the colleagues will be well aware of reality is cringeworthy.

Ig more her completely. Act as if she doesn’t exist.

That's not even relevant though. It's a work event, not a social occasion. (Work social occasions are not social occasions) Doing anything there will only jeopardise your husband's career at work, which I presume you don't want to do.

If you feel you are justfied in and want to do/say something to her, find out where you can find her at a non work event and go do it there.

@Jellystarhuman decency and consideration are important? I completely agree but why don’t you hold your husband to that? He will more than likely cheat again he has shown you has no respect for you by even asking you to entertain the idea of going to this event and you have shown him that you are willing to be humiliated again by going. People treat you how you let them treat you and he will continue to humiliate you for as long as you let himS who knows what bullshit lies he fed the OW or maybe she is just a bitch and has no respect for marriage. It doesn’t really matter as you have bigger problems in that your husband doesn’t respect you or your marriage.

Oh god, don't go! It will be so humiliating for you. Darling husband showing off his gorgeous wife at the work event with his ex girlfriend there. His colleagues will know even if your husband thinks they were discreet. It will be so embarrassing, don't do it! They'll all be gossiping about it.

Find yourself a man who you can proudly stand next to. One who is loyal, loving, and had eyes only for you. One who doesn't break his vows and humiliate you.

Men who betray their families are scum.

He probably told the woman it was a marriage of convenience, whatever he told her, it definitely wasn't "I love my wife so much and am so happy with her, we have a great life together".

You deserve someone you can trust, who will be talking to other women about how wonderful you are, not trying to shag them.

Absolutely! I agree with you. He should want to be as far away from OW as possible.

Him (and OW) not finding a new job speaks volumes.

Get tanked up and knock her out.

Agreed. Reminds me of Victoria Beckham turning up to premiere with David, massive beaming grins (when she usually never cracked so much as a slight smile), hanging on to him for dear life, right after the Rebecca Loos story broke. Nobody was fooled. She just looked manic.

There’s no way I’d go, knowing that your husband’s colleagues likely know they had an affair and you’ll be the focus of gossip for how you react (or don’t react) to being at the same event as the OW. Some people are going to be pitying you, I couldn’t bear that.

Have you seriously never had a friend in this situation? I would wager op isn’t “fine” with it, at all, she’s bloody reeling! She’s probably flailing around, trying to work out what the HELL just happened. This is all very recent and she’s trying to keep her family together, for now. What happens in the future? The beauty of that is, it’s all up to her.

Say what? 'My husband couldn't keep his dick in his undies and therefore you're an horrific slapper?'
Either just ignore her or don't go. You have to trust him to be around her in a work situation otherwise you may as well split up.

This, this!
does he not wonder how you’re going to feel seeing her in a group?!

Actually forget what I said and do this instead 😂

She's 'working on her marriage'.

What's the point? Once a cheater always a cheater. If she said she was staying tol she could financially leave, then fair enough, but she's forgiven her shit of a husband. I struggle to understand that.

Totally agree. My friend was inadvertently the OW in her old workplace a few years back. New office manager, never once mentioned a wife or his daughter, took my friend to “his” very bachelor style flat - turned out to be the home of his younger brother. They had weekends and overnights, no red flags with communication etc. Six months in the wife let her know the reality via FB messenger. They both left him.

A teaching colleague of mine was also the OW to the new deputy head. He told her he was finalising his divorce but his ex was very emotionally damaged and they should keep things quiet. Ex wasn’t an ex. He did eventually get the divorce and they are now married to each other - many are waiting for the inevitable “you lose them how you get them” to come into play.

Never underestimate the capacity of a man to be a total liar when the possibility of a new shag arises.