To feel if they say no that I may as well bloody well give up on working? And that women are still having to make the compromise?

[AnwI]

I’ve just been offered a great job. I have a DD who is starting school in September. There is an after school class that is until 5pm. However, for me to get there in time to collect her I would need to leave the office at 4pm. I’ve asked the recruiter to ask this and she’s waiting for a reply.

This job comes with a massive pay rise, it’s a good career move and since becoming a single parent when dd was 3 I’ve done everything I can to keep going. Ex does his bit financially but does absolutely nothing in the week…I’ve tried many times to ask him to change work pattern etc but he says he can’t (or won’t).

I am going to feel absolutely deflated and resentful if this company does not agree to this. I know it’s not the company’s job to ensure my dd is looked after etc etc (im familiar with these points!) but the entire office industry is set up for working men who came home to housewives running the home. I am trying my best here and yet I feel it’s all stacked against me…I absolutely hate that I’ve had to even ask it at all as I wish I could just work as late as I wanted in whichever location I wanted.

I am going to be so crushed if they don’t agree to it.

B.ll.cks to this. Seriously. Putting her career on hold for 15 years is going to completely destroy it and her pension with it so by default her retirement.
Lots of people use an after school childminder or nanny. I went to one, it didn't damage me. I did exactly what I would have done at home. Had a snack, played, watched TV, read a book etc. I was quite happy and don't feel I missed out on anything. Plus 15 years? I don't know any teenager who requires after school childcare. They just come home and let themselves in.

Edited: I meant to quote someone... but failed!!! But this was re the comment that she is a mother first and should delay her career 15 years. Which as you see I have a major issue with😂

I think you need to sort this one out yourself or not accept the job. Leaving at 4pm may require someone to cover the last hour so someone else has to accommodate you. It’s fair enough to ask, but unfair to resent the “no”. Lots of people have a childminder collect their child from school 🤷🏻‍♀️

That seems unusual in this day and age. In my family SIL takes DC to nursery and picks up unless DD is able to finish early/on time. My son takes his child to nursery 3 mornings a week and picks up 4 times a week. My other son and his wife both work flexi and share the school runs. When I pick up one of the GC from school there are children being picked up by child minders, grandparents, dads and mums, some children are in the after school club, I don't think mums are in the majority to be honest.

Why is your child at a school so far away from home? That certainly complicates matters.

The idea of a lunch hour in a professional job as something you do or don’t “work through” is nonsense. Most people just eat at some point during the day whenever they can fit it in, or perhaps have a team or client lunch on occasion. Nobody monitors how long it takes and everyone is trusted to get their work done. Meetings are put in diaries over lunch all the time.

In 15 years her child will be 20, I think they manage to look after themselves after school/college for a good bit of those 15 years.

I agree it is shit and it always falls to women to pick up the slack. I work fully remotely for a company where people are keeping all sorts of hours since we are scattered all over. On paper a great, flexible role. Yet people have different public holidays (obviously difficult to get childcare on these days, schools shut) and I am always made to feel shit that I cant (why should I!!) work on my public holidays. Obviously DH just says yes to his employer since he's in finance and if London or New York are working then it's not a holiday apparently. Leaving it all on me.

I have been spending a fortune to have an after school nanny meaning I'm available from 9am to 7pm every day, that's still not enough for them. From September I want to try to lose this support element and do it myself meaning my proposal is that I will log off by 4.50pm latest to get to school for 5pm (still using after school activities) and I will not be available again until 8pm but can then log on to see if I need to catch up on anything. I regularly work til midnight as it allows me to focus better. Apparently IABU.

Agree but its parents not just women.

I took a 50% paycut to work remotely so that my husband could go back to full time office based. He had been doing the majority of kids stuff for a couple of years, now we switched over.
We switch every couple of years to give each a chance to move ahead a bit as flexible remote working does not offer the same promotion opportunity and salary benefits as saying youre happy to commit full time and overtime to an office.

I keep looking at roles and they all require office based working which I cant commit to right now.

We have ND kids so childcare and after school clubs are not an option... we have tried the options but every childminder we have tried has said they wont look after them after a trial, after school clubs said no as well and nanny is not an option for us as I just don't think it would work.

So someone has to be home. Right now its me, will swap with husband in a year or two but that does usually involve us looking at prospects and earning potential if we change jobs and seeing what makes the most sense.

To the posters saying someone would need to 'cover you' that is not how senior professional roles work. You will need to catch up in the evening, which I am sure will be fine.

How would work round the school day work. If you got your child to school for say 8.45 and it takes you an hour to get to work so you couldn't start till 9.45 and you'd need to leave at 4, that isn't a fulltime job.

It is parents yes, but OP is a lone parent so this thread is about her specific situation, where the father is refusing to engage.

OP doesn't have the option of being SAH (unless she accepts she will need to live off the State).

And what proof do you have of this ? I often have have worked late to catch up on work, for many reasons, the work i do is catching up on reports, preparing meeting notes and presentations that are required for the next day or project deadlines. Or sometimes its for calls with other team members who work in different time zones, unless your physically siting on the shoulder of that person while they work their hours you do not know what work they are doing. You should be be more of a manager that looks at productivity over presentism. You can be sitting there at work and still doing sweet f all

I think it depends on the company as well. I’m a working mum & just about to start a new job with a big bank.

I told them on my interview that on my wfh days, I will need to do the school run. (It’s a 5
mins walk away) They told me on offering the role that’s absolutely no problem as long as my work is done.
On my office days I have a childminder who picks up from school (also 5 minutes from me) who gives my 7 yo a snack etc and I pick up about 5ish (take a short lunch)
I hope you manage to get it sorted x

As a single parent, OP getting a pay rise will be hugely beneficial to her daughter.

Her career doesn't have to wait at all, not to mention that after 15 years, there could very well be no career to go back to.

I'm sorry but this is bollocks.

A successful company pays staff a good salary to do the work they are contracted to do.

Your problem is that you had a child with a man who doesn't pull his weight in parenting his child.

Oh I didn't see that. Apologies OP.
I would look at after school nanny in that instance, if your child is not going to drjve them away like the mary poppins kids (mine definitely would, hence me working from home).
I agree its shit, even more so for single parents it is even harder.

Ok, I see how you feel. However, my neighbour’s wife died leaving him with two primary aged children and a job to juggle (whilst grieving).
He got a childminder/ nanny/ home help person to help after school. Basically, he kept working and threw money at finding a practical solution.

There’s a bit of self sabotage in your posts. You can fix this and have the job. It may not make you richer in the short term but it will pay off long term.

You can fix this.

Yabu to expect a company to change hours for you automatically they don’t have to and may not want to for a myriad of reasons.

Business rightly in my opinion don’t put mothers first they put the business first as it will support a number of employees. So if they can’t accommodate your request they won’t

Unless you have decent childcare you will be screwed.

Families are very fortunate if they have a grandma on tap.

Childminding is often vocational and most of them are workaholics in my experience.

Agree, priorites are feeding, clothing, housing your family, a single parent is sole or main providor.
Also showing your children a role model of hard work is a good thing.

Fair. Don't know why it's the case around here tbh, it makes things really awkward!

Can you move house if you have a long commute and your DDs nursery is ‘very remote’?!

can you get an after school minder for a couple of hours? I’d strongly consider that

I hope they will offer the flexibility but if not then I think open your mind as much as possible to changes with your dd’s care that might help.

I do know what you’re saying but tbh I know plenty of men who have this kind of issue too.

I agree it’s v difficult to juggle and it nearly always falls on women to find flexibility in work hours.

But if the job is 37 hours and you leave at 4 every day, how will you make up the missed 5-7 hours?

I had a colleague who used to leave at 4 to collect her DC but then worked an extra hour or so in the evening from home. Is this something that might be possible? Or could you go in earlier? I think you need to suggest a solution so that they can see you are keen to work with them to ensure expectations are met rather than just asking if you can essentially work shorter days. And I’m all for much more flexibility in the workplace but we’re not there yet unfortunately.