If you had the money, would you send your kids to private school?

[ItsASunnyDayToday]

We have the money to fund private school for our 2 children if we choose to. We are in Surrey so plenty of private schools to choose from. Kids are year 4 and year 5.

Both me and DH were state educated. First in the family to go to university. Both have good professional careers, so up until now I’ve been set on state education. Thinking that with our support they’ll be fine where ever they go.

However, the local secondary school isn’t great, we only have one option due to catchment areas. It’s massive, 210 pupils per year. Ofsted rating is ‘good’ but the local reputation is mixed. Not a grammar school area so all the kids around here go (or private) which means a broad spectrum of social and academic mixing.

There are lots of private schools around here, which would suit my children individually. Some are very academic and fancy, others much more down to earth.

We have already looked at a few, but I can’t bite the bullet and put the kids in private. I just don’t know what’s stopping me. Morals? ethics? Fear of wasting money? What is it?

The financial side isn’t an issue - it is affordable, through to university if they chose, and we’d still have a good standard of living.

YABU - send your kids to private, it’s for the best.
YANBU - state is fine, even if it is only ‘ok’.

Any parent who has any reservations about state education near them, and can afford a good private school, should send their child to private schools IMO.

FWIW, DH and I were both state educated (in very grotty state schools) and first to go to university. So, in a very similar position to you. We now live in an area with a decent state school but it was a no brainer when it came to sending DC to private school.

Morals and ethics are all well and good - but not when you're thinking of your child's future.

I can summarise the next 40 pages for you, @ItsASunnyDayToday

• private schools entrench privilege
• private schools buy privilege
• private schools are a waste of money
• private school pupils are spoon fed
• private school pupils are not bright
• private school pupils are only brighter because of the small class sizes
• private school pupils do not do as well as state school in universities/work
• private school pupils have an unfair advantage
• private school teachers are not qualified
• you will be bullied in private school
• we scrimp to pay for our DC’s fees
• all private school parents are wealthy even if they say they are not
• state school classes are disruptive
• you will be bullied in state school
• state schools allow you to mix with all walks of life
• I struggled in state school and was bullied for wanting to learn
• state schools teachers are stretched and struggle to teach
• state school teachers are qualified
• state schools are fine for 93% of the population
• my DC got all 9s at state school, went to Russell group university/Oxbridge
• I wouldn’t send my DC to private school even though I can afford it (doesn’t mention how expensive the catchment area of the state school is)

You get the general gist

Yes no question. The money we spent on education was the best investment ever. Not because we were trying to ‘buy results’ but we wanted them to have a positive working environment.
It was only later the I retrained myself as a teacher and saw the reality in state schools.
Just look in the ‘staff room’ section of the Education topic to see what conditions state school teachers are facing.
I then chose to work in an independent school -world apart in terms of the learning experience and was even more thankful we had made that decision.
(Just as many, if not more, SEN in the indie, btw in case people think it is because they avoid taking SEN)

We've done a mixture of state and private and even the worst private school was much better in terms of teaching, behaviour, opportunities, facilities and engagement with parents that than the best state school (and this was an apparently outstanding grammar).

Just look round and then decide.

We have the option but will be going state because

1. Child's friends will be going there
2. Money saved could buy them a house
3. Child is bright and I'd expect top marks, even in a less academic setting. If that isn't looking likely due to child not putting in the effort then moving to private school and away from friends is the stick.

I would think much harder about seperating from my child's existing friendships and going private if my child was excelling at something and the private school can offer that e.g. they are skilled at a particular sport and the private school are especially geared up for it.

That said, my sibling sends theirs private and the kids are lovely and happy and enjoying fantastic opportunities that they wouldn't get locally.

So I think it depends whether you want to pay for the nice experience regardless of whether it makes a difference at the other end academically.

If the local state options were unacceptable, and the money was there, then yes it is something I would strongly consider.

Very short term to be making a decision based on their friendship group. This will change massively at secondary -they will be in different classes etc. . And they could still keep contact with their old friends if they are good friendships.

Both DH and I are state educated. We plan to send DD to an independent school.

We both come from working class backgrounds. First to goto university in our families. We were not born into wealth. However we have the financial means to pay for independant school. We were both on the fence about it until we looked around our local state offerings. 30+ kids to a class, 1 teacher, 1 TA (sometimes), many distruptive children who need additional support. Classrooms out of control. Headteachers on tours of schools spending the whole time moaning about not having money to do anything, random children walking around unwatched and just left to it. It didn't feel like a positive nurturing place for our DD to learn or thrive. That and the constant state interference on attendance and other stupidity sealed the deal for us. I know several current and ex teachers. All of them have said they would send independent if they could, one home educates. It does depend on the schools offered for sure. But in your case if you can comfortably afford it i'd consider it.

We are Surrey too. Both DH and I are state educated. Kids did a few years in state and we moved them mostly for childcare reasons (so I could work). But the difference was so huge. I couldn’t believe no one had explained this to me. But then I realised that people don’t like to brag or gloat and so people don’t talk about this in my local area at least.

Do really do your research on which school is the right fit for your child though. Private schools really vary, serving different parts of the market. Maybe the reason you don’t feel drawn to any of the schools is that you haven’t found that right fit? I can think of plenty that wouldn’t be a good fit for my child (too sport or really long days) but might be fantastic for another child.

If I had a truly outstanding state primary near me, I would choose that. I prefer my kids being in their community and knowing a mix of people, and wouldn't want them to feel like the odd ones out for not being overly privileged. But otherwise, private.

I moved my kids from a perfectly good state primary to a well-known outstanding one, and the difference is bigger than I imagined.

Year 3 DC was not pushed at all at their first school - the concept wasn't on the table. The aim was to get the struggling children up to average and that was it. They didn't give attention to my oldest and didn't choose them for awards etc, because everything was geared towards helping the struggling children and giving them opportunities - the ones who were already 'fine' were ignored.

My reception-age DC was also not given any attention so didn't participate - wasn't given any encouragement or help, just left at a desk with an activity, so felt nervous to try without any direction. Got low scores when they tested for alphabet/counting because again was not given any encouragement so just didn't speak, and the teachers didn't spend extra time or give any encouragement, just marked that they couldn't do it.

Within a month reception DC is now volunteering for activities and participating actively, super happy and thriving. Counted to 100 on the first day when at the old school the teacher marked that they couldn't count to 10. I am given regular updates on progress, they separate the children into small groups and give lots of one-on-one time. Y3 DC is also doing really well and is pushed for the first time ever.

Never again will I be of the opinion that 'good' is good enough. Amazing state school over private, but otherwise private.

If the school was the best for that child, then yes.

Ideal world every child in the country wpd be able to attend their local state school and it be good for them, but we don't live in an ideal world.

It's a fair point but it's a small secondary made up of village schools and my child has friends from a few of them based on outside activities. I'm also (at this stage!) confident that the secondary would address bullying. It's also walking distance whereas the nearest private school isn't so there are a lot of factors.

Based on where I live now and my daughter starting a state high school on September, no. If I lived in our nearest city I'd consider it because I know that even the most desirable schools there have significant issues linked to gangs. I'm not naive enough to think her secondary school has no problems but they are much smaller and not linked into county lines and associated culture of violence in the same way. My husband was at a very well respected boys' day school and you can definitely see the difference in confidence it brings. Academically I achieved more and have the better career, although I think he is probably an outlier from his school. We are in a position where we can supplement with activities outside school as desired. Our daughter has had an excellent experience at her state primary and has gone from a quite anxious little girl to being a school councillor and an ambassador. She's also developed a love for athletics which her high school can also support and which we can also fund if this is something she wishes to pursue.

No private education. Most children are spoilt brats.

If you can afford it then I’d say go for it. A good education should be a basic for all children but it isn’t so do your best for yours

I think you’ve left out anyone who is happy with their state school on this list. But yes, a good start and honestly endless similar discussions floating around.

In summary for myself - I could never see myself prioritising private education unless something forced me to live in an very different location such as a country with very religious education or… I’m not sure what as I honestly struggle to come up with anything else. I am firmly in favour of state education and send my children to our local schools by choice (and no, not a fancy area and no, not amazing schools in the league tables or any other metric and yes, I’m very happy with their education and no, I have no regrets and yes, my daughter has SEN)

I wouldn’t.

I would for 11+, wouldn’t bother for primary. That’s what happens most often here, the primaries are exceptionally good and the secondaries are very good but not amazing so
people save their money for 11+

As it is I can’t afford it so DD will have to
muddle along, but at least all the options here are good, there’s nothing dreadful.

I wouldn’t use boarding though, that’s a personal preference- but if I had the cash and enough to not scrimp on the rest of life then yes, absolutely I’d pay. I went to state, husband did private and it has definitely helped him along in life.

Yes of course, usually a nicer environment

If you can comfortably afford private, I would definitely pay for it

No way.

I would pay for the best education I could comfortably afford. We started in state (ofsted outstanding), then moved to private and the difference is massive.

Let them get through primary first, as the advantages of going private are bigger from key stage 3 onwards.

Then think about it. OR

Put them into year 7 and see how they settle and if the thrive or not.

Years 8-11 cover the real transitional years, and only span four years, saving you a bit of money.

State secondaries vary enormously (I’ve worked in five). The best was pretty good - I stayed for ten years and I’d have been happy to send my child there. The worst was appalling: very low expectations for the children, classes of 33, a noticeably youthful and inexperienced staff. I lasted four months.

Do your research.

I have taught in both state and private schools. Private school - great at selling places, not so good at keeping staff.