If you had the money, would you send your kids to private school?

[ItsASunnyDayToday]

We have the money to fund private school for our 2 children if we choose to. We are in Surrey so plenty of private schools to choose from. Kids are year 4 and year 5.

Both me and DH were state educated. First in the family to go to university. Both have good professional careers, so up until now I’ve been set on state education. Thinking that with our support they’ll be fine where ever they go.

However, the local secondary school isn’t great, we only have one option due to catchment areas. It’s massive, 210 pupils per year. Ofsted rating is ‘good’ but the local reputation is mixed. Not a grammar school area so all the kids around here go (or private) which means a broad spectrum of social and academic mixing.

There are lots of private schools around here, which would suit my children individually. Some are very academic and fancy, others much more down to earth.

We have already looked at a few, but I can’t bite the bullet and put the kids in private. I just don’t know what’s stopping me. Morals? ethics? Fear of wasting money? What is it?

The financial side isn’t an issue - it is affordable, through to university if they chose, and we’d still have a good standard of living.

YABU - send your kids to private, it’s for the best.
YANBU - state is fine, even if it is only ‘ok’.

For us it was
Private school much closer
DS unlikley to get a place so 2 DC at different schools in different towns
Old building with inferior facilities
Large classes

When DS was doing the 11+ (many moons ago) the private schools also had an 11+ and entrance tests and interviews?

Are there schools you can just pay to attend with no selective admission?

Not all private schools are selective

and plenty are less selective than the best grammars.

@noworklifebalance

I think that private school would have given them arrogance or over confidence of a particular type.

Here’s another for the list - private school children are arrogant and entitled.

This one winds me up more than anything. I teach in private (fully qualified with degrees and QTS like all my colleagues). With a vey few exceptions, the kids I've taught over the last twenty years have been fantastic, kind, empathetic, well aware of their advantages and motivated to succeed but to hear some posts on here you'd think they all must the devil incarnate. Yes there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance but it's no bad thing, especially in these trying times to believe that you CAN do things, get somewhere and work hard to achieve it. And yes I am well aware that state kids can do that too..my point is that it's not a given that all private kids are entitled spoilt brats.

Yes there are

This was my parents a fair few years ago - state primary was pretty good but secondary not so much unless you paid! Was the best decision ever. For me as an academic child it was brilliant to have excellent teaching and small class sizes and not be restricted to the national curriculum and achieved very well and am now in the medical profession. Equally, for my brother who wasn't as academic was supported far more than his friends who went to the local state and being as sporty as he was thrived with the facilities and training and support allowing him to become a professional sportsman. The behaviour and discussing with friends and teachers at secondary schools and how it is managed also seems far better. I hated primary school in the end as most of the lesson was spent managing behaviour. The only downside to the private school I found was the bullying I received at Uni for being posh and going to a private school! Ironically I wasn't posh - just from the SE and my parents worked 3 jobs between them to send us to the school and went without a lot themselves but they said it was worth it! One friend stayed with me for a placement and was shocked at having a much smaller house than her too!

@Mfffds the senior school we will probably send our dc to is nonselective. There is still an exam and interview - mostly for placement purposes, but I suppose they do use it to turn away some children that they cannot support such as profound SEND, clear evidence of persistent behavioural issues or not enough English to access the curriculum.

State School kids lack confidence and are very shy.

Utter bollocks of course

No, but we bought our house specifically because it is close to grammar schools. I wouldn’t want to make any sacrifices in order to pay for private school, not just sacrifices on my and DH’s part. Not having as much disposable income affects the children as well as the parents. I might consider private school if money literally were no object, ie if the fees were just a rounding error sort of situation.

Fucks sake, it wasn't meant as a dig. How did you get that from what I said?

My point is....dyslexia is quite well understood. Interventions are readily available, well advertised and fairly cheap. You have just mentioned three commercially available products that you use. With what sounds like great success.

What would a private school be doing for 10K? They'd be doing Toe by Toe....like we both do at home! So for me personally, I'd probably not want to spend that money unless I was time poor or fabulously rich.

Whereas my other kid with ASD. He couldn't cope in a classroom environment at all. There was really no option to help him in the evenings as he came home too burnt out to concentrate. I can more easily imagine paying for something bespoke in that situation.

I did think about it but couldn’t afford it. I would have if I could because my son was being bullied. We moved him to another primary school and things improved.

Never. Just look at the kids they produce.

Yes - but then DC state school is dire and rest in area aren't great - though my DC have come out -or last one likely to - with decent GCSE.

However in practise would depend on what the private school was like - and if there was any option of moving to a good state catchment area and thus likly spending at least some the money on more expensive house instead and rest on improved lifestyle.

Maybe go read my post just upthread. What a bigoted, horrible attitude.

IsThePopeCatholic · Today 13:09
Never. Just look at the kids they produce

Bingo!

Come and live where I do and see the kids my local schools produce. You’d have yours away like a shot.

Or, it’s almost as if the schools don’t really matter and that children are a product of their home environment, family and parenting?

You should see the kids our State School produces

I got slaughtered for saying my dd is going to a grammar out of our area, and thank fuck, given the teens at the local schools here. I was told it was cruel as she would be nothing like the kids who lived around her and wouldn’t have much in common - good! Thank Christ for that.

Tell me what sort of kids they produce?
What sort of kids do state schools produce?

Also this question depends on where you live and what your local secondary school's are like. I know plenty of families who have moved 3 miles down the road to get into an outstanding state school- which would have cost them loads and often to a similar/smaller sized house- some of these people would say they wouldn't send their DC to a private school but that is kind of irrelevant when they can move to an outstanding school.

If I'd really had the money then probably. - we didn't, so ds went to the local comp, which is very good. Having seen the outcomes since then between kids at state school and private school, I'm pretty much at peace because they look so similar, or the difference is mostly in things I don't value. (Ds would have really benefited from more sport and music at school but the difference in what he and his privately educated peers are actually doing is minimal).

I had a few public school friends growing up and they were always so entitled and clueless. I wouldn't want my child growing up with a majority of friends like that. But each to their own. Lots of people prioritise a better education than the state can provide.

Why were you friends with them if they were so vile?