If you had the money, would you send your kids to private school?

[ItsASunnyDayToday]

We have the money to fund private school for our 2 children if we choose to. We are in Surrey so plenty of private schools to choose from. Kids are year 4 and year 5.

Both me and DH were state educated. First in the family to go to university. Both have good professional careers, so up until now I’ve been set on state education. Thinking that with our support they’ll be fine where ever they go.

However, the local secondary school isn’t great, we only have one option due to catchment areas. It’s massive, 210 pupils per year. Ofsted rating is ‘good’ but the local reputation is mixed. Not a grammar school area so all the kids around here go (or private) which means a broad spectrum of social and academic mixing.

There are lots of private schools around here, which would suit my children individually. Some are very academic and fancy, others much more down to earth.

We have already looked at a few, but I can’t bite the bullet and put the kids in private. I just don’t know what’s stopping me. Morals? ethics? Fear of wasting money? What is it?

The financial side isn’t an issue - it is affordable, through to university if they chose, and we’d still have a good standard of living.

YABU - send your kids to private, it’s for the best.
YANBU - state is fine, even if it is only ‘ok’.

Absolutely! (Secondary school teacher!)

I work in education and in years gone by I would have said no, for a range of practical and ideological reasons, but mainly because I felt that children were being well educated in the state sector.

However in the last decade the state sector has been starved of funding, class sizes are huge, the SEND and MH crises that have developed largely post pandemic are not being tackled in the right way. When I started teaching I had a class of 24 with a TA 50% of the day. When I left 4 years ago I had 36 in my class and the TA was needed to be 1:1 for a child who was violent. The kids had loads of missed learning due to the pandemic etc.

I was the school SENCO and went from combining that with a timetable of teaching SEND interventions etc to having to juggle it with a full time class teaching responsibility. This meant I had 2 .5 hours a week allocated to be the SENCO for a 2 form primary school. It was impossible to do either role well.

The recruitment/retention crisis means that on top of all this, you often don't have experienced and/or consistent staff teaching.

Some of these issues are leaking into the private sector but the smaller class sizes, the fact that they aren't usually catering for the most troubled kids etc means it's more manageable.

It's against my ideals but if my children (who are through /nearly through school) were just starting I would seriously trying to find the money.

Moving house is easier said than done though. We live in a shithole but it was the only place we could afford to buy - anywhere else in our price range wouldn’t be great either, no matter where it was. We also have to think about work - we had to move 150 miles here to be able to afford anywhere.

Also, my dad had the opportunity to send me to a private school when my mum died. She died just before I started secondary school and wanted her life insurance policy to be used for that.

My dad instead used it to pay off the mortgage so that one day, I would benefit from that instead. Fast forward 30 years, it all went on care home fees when he had dementia.

So nothing is ever as simple or as guaranteed as it seems in life.

100% I would.

In a heartbeat, yes. The local state schools have classes of 30-35+ around here, and decaying, poorly maintained buildings.

My child is also experiencing racism at her state school, and the school couldn't care less. They even put it in writing that they would not address it or respond to any further concerns, without having done an investigation.

You clearly have no idea why some people opt for Private.

I would but only because I would choose a private dyslexic school. If no dyslexia then I wouldn't choose private unless I was very rich.

Yes I would.

You can't think of any other issues than dyslexia? Other SEN?, Bullying, lack of opportunity for participation in a particular sport or interest?

Definitely. Mine went to private. Mainly because they were at the time our nearest schools. I then started working in education, in state schools with pupils and families and in classrooms. After that I was so very, very glad mine went to private schools.

No I wouldn't. But I have the luxury of a decent inner city comprehensive school that both DC went/ go to and it would have meant no savings for them for university or a future house deposit. We provided lots of cultural capital at home (free museum and art gallery trips and daily discussion around etc.) and both were / are pupils who were easy to educate as they behaved well and were/are top sets. DD1 happily at university pursuing the (niche) course of her choice and DD2 predicted A and A star grades for A levels. I think that private school would have given them arrogance or over confidence of a particular type. However their very socially mixed comp has given them good social skills and they are polite and friendly. But I'm a massive lefty liberal so I would think that...

No they don’t offer anything. I have asked for additional work, harder books to read etc. but nothing comes back. I don’t think she is gifted, just very academic and curious. Reads a ton.

we have given up on the school extracurriculars, there weren’t many and they are badly run. pay for 4 sports and music lessons outside of school. It’s such a shame, she has so much enthusiasm but everything she has started at school she wanted to quit because of bad teachers, bad behaviour from others etc.
We live in a nice part of Surrey, it’s a good state primary.

I just hope things will improve at a private secondary, she would love to be around others with similar interests and skills.

It completely depends on the schools.

If I was starting over again, I'd move to a grammar school area, though this does depend on your child being capable of getting into a grammar school.

But we chose an area with a "good" comprehensive that slipped in the years our DD1 was in primary school to being "inadequate" and no choice of another state secondary. I was (surprisingly) advised by one of her state primary teachers that she should be going to an academically selective secondary school, which locally means an independent school. We went for an independent school and DD1 is thriving. She's excelling in subjects not offered at our local state school, whilst our local state school no longer has any specialist maths teachers.

We've also moved DD2 to an independent school and they seem much better able to deal with her SEN. Probably because it is mild, so didn't get much of a look in at her state school, given the more severe needs they are dealing with. They also do cognitive testing of all of their pupils, so aren't content with her achieving average scores. The smaller class sizes also make a huge difference, she gets 1:1 time and sometimes bespoke work. That really wasn't possible in her state school.

That's very disappointing, I think it's outstanding schools that need to show they are pushing the top but can't remember the Ofsted framework. Just encourage reading & maybe just push her more at home. Good luck

Yes, without a doubt. I've never really understood the argument against because of unfair advantage. It's an unfair world and some people are more advantaged/blessed/lucky than others. That's not the way most people want it, but that's the way it is. I wouldn't hesitate to give my children the best opportunities possible.

I also found that a bit of an odd comment.

Private dyslexia schools do indeed look brilliant. But dyslexia is also one of the easier SEN to support at home.

DD is severely dyslexic and I've managed to get her reading (in two languages) with consistent effort at home. Its taken 6 years, but we got there in the end.

I'd recommend Toe by Toe and Touch Type Read Spell

Fucks sake. I was answering personally. Not for everyone else! The question was would YOU send YOUR kids to private school. Not in what circumstances would you think private school is acceptable.

I've been on similar threads with some similar names before but will remind everyone - again - that there are plenty of people who choose to use state schools for many, many reasons.

I personally do not think the only goal of high school is the formal education and have chosen to send them to the local school that has dismal results (because of the stupidity of how league tables are calculated) and a falling-down building (that I campaigned to replace and is now being built - will benefit my son as it's 2 years away but my daughter is in the current building), and all the general social issues that come from a mixed catchment with challenging behaviours at times. It is absolutely a choice that I - and plenty of local families - have made and I am happy with it.

I am not disputing that the formal education my kids would receive at a private school would be superior (they have amazing campuses and wonderful additional opportunities for trips and extended learning and even just the food that's available), but there are a lot of other benefits to my children attending the local school and therefore we have chosen to keep our kids there.

Again I was answering for me personally, and for my dyslexic child. We have an amazing dyslexic school not too far away but at 10k + extras a term it is a lottery win that would enable us to attend.

And also nice little dig that I am obviously just not trying hard enough with my child, which couldn't be further from the truth. We have got her from 2 years behind to 6 months behind in 2 years. We do toe by toe. And we have also done reading hornet and reading wasp. Her reading is now so good compared to what it was. Her writing and spelling are a different matter no matter what we try. But carry on feeling smug that you managed it so all children are being failed by terrible parents if they haven't exactly copied you and their child isn't the same level as you.

Ffs this place is just poisonous.

@LuckysDadsHat alright calm down...that's not how your post read at all.

Is a private school that much better than state grammar?

Yes! You just said in your post that the local school isn’t great. I wouldn’t and didn’t even given it a second thought.

No. But a big part of why we moved here, other than loving the area (which we do) was that the local comp is one of the best around - so we're effectively 'private by stealth'.

Had we loved our house/area but local state schools were poor and we could have afforded it then yes we'd have considered private. Moving was preferable to us though as we wanted to change areas anyway. And even though house prices where we are are mental, with 3 dc moving was still the cheaper option.

Oh wait there isn't a nearby grammar. Yes go private if you can afford.

• state school teachers are qualified

This isn't actually guaranteed anymore academy's can hire unqualified teachers just like private schools.

For me it would totally depend on the local school provision. As I would prefer to be able to fund them through University so they don't come out with a student loan. But if you can afford both then yes I send them private for High school. I would carefully select the school though as not all private schools are better.