If you had the money, would you send your kids to private school?

[ItsASunnyDayToday]

We have the money to fund private school for our 2 children if we choose to. We are in Surrey so plenty of private schools to choose from. Kids are year 4 and year 5.

Both me and DH were state educated. First in the family to go to university. Both have good professional careers, so up until now I’ve been set on state education. Thinking that with our support they’ll be fine where ever they go.

However, the local secondary school isn’t great, we only have one option due to catchment areas. It’s massive, 210 pupils per year. Ofsted rating is ‘good’ but the local reputation is mixed. Not a grammar school area so all the kids around here go (or private) which means a broad spectrum of social and academic mixing.

There are lots of private schools around here, which would suit my children individually. Some are very academic and fancy, others much more down to earth.

We have already looked at a few, but I can’t bite the bullet and put the kids in private. I just don’t know what’s stopping me. Morals? ethics? Fear of wasting money? What is it?

The financial side isn’t an issue - it is affordable, through to university if they chose, and we’d still have a good standard of living.

YABU - send your kids to private, it’s for the best.
YANBU - state is fine, even if it is only ‘ok’.

If you can afford it you should pay.

it’s unethical to waste taxpayer resources you don’t need.

For the secondaries you are interested in…
I’d see what the teacher turnover is like. Teachers tend to stick around at good schools which have good leadership. If it’s a revolving door of teachers, that’s a very bad sign.

I’d ask parents who have children at secondary schools if the schools set homework. H/w is a vexed issue for teachers, and they often don’t chase up or punish if the child fails to do it. But they should at least be setting it. Once it is set, the rest is really up to families. Ask how they know it’s being set (kids often deliberately won’t write it in their planners). Software like ‘Show My Homework’ allows parents at home to see if it’s being set.

Results usually reflect the catchment area. You’re not going to get great results in a run down area. But it’s still worth a look, bearing catchments in mind. These are available online. ‘Progress 8’ measures the distance between where a child was at the end of primary (ks2) to the end of secondary (ks4). Type ‘how to access progress 8 data’ into Google.

You could observe children arriving at the schools you’re interested in. If a significant minority rock up after the start of the school day, that would be a bad sign.

Mainly, I suppose, speak to parents who already have children at the schools you’re considering, and see what their experiences are like.

Take the Ofsted reports with a pinch of salt, but the ‘parent view’ section can be interesting. If not many parents bother to complete the survey, that’s not a great sign. Youd ideally want a school where the parents are engaged and on board with the school.

Good luck.

It would very much depend on the school, facilities available and if dc actually wanted to go there.

My dsis and I were privately educated. I started in Blackheath, then Cobham and then we moved further out and the school that I spend the majority of my educational life at wasn't the best and some of the boarders are still dealing with some real trauma. So they're not all wonderful!

There is a lot to consider. You say financially you can definitely afford it but where does it leave you for the future? We could afford it but I’d rather retire sooner. We are able to save and put away for a pension and hope to retire in our 50s. Go travelling and see the world (some more) before dc have gc. I’d rather do that.

I went to state school but had lots of friends growing up who went private. Many of their parents are worse off than my parents as a result. Some precariously so.

I know lots of families with children in private now and not one of them is 100% happy with the school, and rightly so, you expect a service and complain if you’re not getting it. I know of two families who have moved their kids to various schools to try and find the perfect fit.

I know kids who are ND who do to private for the smaller classes and I can see why they feel they need to do it. But if your kids are able and motivated I don’t see that you have to do it.

All my money has gone on my kids education.

My local indie is shit, my friend pulled her daughter out after a year and I reckon it will close before too long.

None of those I’ve visited are interested in my SEN child, as he won’t provide the academic or sporting achievement they pride themselves on. Guess its nice to be able to chose who you educate.

Simply yes. If you can comfortably afford to why wouldn’t you?
Great opportunities for your children and more directed educational environment.
I hope we are in a position to send our children to private once at secondary stage.

Not sure why you would think morals should stop you sending your children private?

The hatred from certain people in this country is a weird outlier, in Europe they subsidise pupils in private educations (as this country did until 1997). Look at the sort of people who have a hatred of pupils at private schools, they are not good people (you would not want to associate with them in our personal life). Question if it is peer pressure that give you this view of there being a moral issue.

However, don’t assume that private is better. Since the 1990s it has been shown that the best “bang for your buck” is to send your child state and pay for private tuition to “top up.” The parents are some private schools can be unbearable. Many hold on to problem upils longer than they should. Some can show favourtism to parents who are very good ap playing the game. Many private schools however, offer excellent wrap-around care. Many are able a lot more sporting time in the timetable if your kids are motivated by that. Some have different philosophies (Montessori or Steiner schools). Some are specialist for special needs.

The greatest benefit private schools have is lack of silly government interference in their operations. But if your child is struggling and you choose to leave them in a state school where they suffer, that would be worthy of judgement.

Be really clear about what you are trying to achieve for your child and what you want, then you can be clear if it is a good idea to send your child private.

I believe in comprehensive education, and have lots of opinions about the vast range of educational opportunities given to different groups of children and how those gaps need to close. But none of that matters more than my own children to me. So yes, in your position I would definitely send them to the school that suited them best from among the opinions available, which for yours is going to be a private option.

We didn't send ours private. If we could have comfortably afforded it without breaking a sweat we might have done, but we are lucky to have great state options locally so we chose to prioritise other things. One of those things was a nice house, deliberately chosen to be in the catchment area for the schools we wanted them to go to.... Which is probably as privileged and unfair as what you are proposing, if that helps you feel ok about considering it!? Life is unfair and it's shit and I think we should all fight against it. But most people if honest are going to prioritise their own children above their principles.

Yabu

As a parent your job is to provide the best you can for your child

Local teaching agencies and the jobs page of the online TES might reveal where all the jobs are. Otherwise speak to children at the schools to find out how many staff leave each July.

I wouldn't because I'd be concerned that they weren't given the opportunity to socialise with people from different economic backgrounds, and I think that would make work life tricky for them. I know that some parents make the effort to socialise their children outside the private school bubble, but once they're in secondary, school is where most pupils find their tribe.
I've witnessed private school pupils struggle at uni because they're used to a certain level of support and attention that just isn't given at uni. I think that can be a really hard time for privately-educated people.
I would never, ever send my children to boarding school. I have many friends who went, and the vast majority hated it, but even those who enjoyed it realise as adults that they missed out on a key part of the parent/child relationship- the teenage bit when you realise that this nest ain't big enough for everyone!

I can't be bothered to read the previous replies but in short, no I wouldn't provided the local secondary schools were alright. They don't have to be amazing, but I wouldn't send them to a really shitty school if I had the means for private.

I went to private schools abroad before I moved back to the UK and they were great but I also enjoyed, and did well at, my secondary school in England.

If I had the money for private school but had a decent local state I'd use the money for other clubs, enrichment opportunities, cultural holidays etc.

If you can afford to & if the private school options are excellent then I would say yes. Just don't forget that fees go up every year and sometimes school meals are not included in the term fees. Uniforms are not cheap and there are various sports kits. There are also trips to consider, which can be expensive as they get older, they don't have to go on every trip but certainly in 6th form they are often related to the subjects they are being taught in A level so beneficial. It is worth checking with each school what the additional costs are to the actual fees.

I stayed friends with predominantly the same people from 8-18. Friends are really important.

Personally no but we’ve got good state schools here. And walkable to as well.

If we did do private then we’d have to drive them to school or bus or train which is not something I want.

It depends on what the private school has to offer. Some are wonderful and some are very average. A private school has the freedom to employ who they wish to teach. These may be untrained teachers. Just because you pay doesn’t guarantee a superior education. However, if you live in an area which is likely to provide schools with behaviour problems and concerns for their education then that is a valid reason for looking towards the private sector.

Not after seeing in the news yesterday that private school pupils can be denied NHS treatment.

Outrage as boy, 8, turned away from treatment at London NHS clinic 'because he attends private school' | The Standard

I've seen this on several sites, one of them published the letter they received from the NHS, can't remember which one.

No I wouldn't because they have to live in the real world and mix with a variety of people, including people from very different backgrounds to them, Private school doesn't provide that.

I think it has to be a decision for each family based on many factors.

We could have sent my daughter to private school but chose not to. Where we live she had a much wider range of opportunities in the performing arts (her passion) in the state school system than she would have been able to access in a private school.

It would depend on the schools and the dc.
I am not against private education.

I didn’t have the money and I still sent them
Some days it was worth every penny and some days it wasn’t

Think about your child. You know them; they are not generic beings.
Would they enjoy private over public? Where are the majority of their friends going? Which school offers the curriculum to teach your children the skills that they want to develop? What type of people do the schools turn out - kind, generous, happy, hard working? What facilities will be available for your child?

My children would prefer a private school offering extension of specialised topics, clubs, weekend sport etc if the local government school lacked skilled staff, facilities, safe non disruptive classes.

A child only receives one education. I choose the place that delivers the goods.

We will for secondary, the local state provision is awful (which I do not understand as all the local primaries are decent!) If we lived near a decent secondary or a grammar school, then probably not.

I absolutely would not, for ethical and political reasons. It’s a choice I have held firm on for many years and can’t see that ever changing whatever my financial circumstances.

I find in conversations like this though, people don’t really believe it. Just like they refuse to believe I’d never own a second home and wouldn’t use private healthcare. I wouldn’t though, I have strong ideals that I wont waver on.

I am aware some children need specialist provision and whilst I would prefer this was provided by a state school it sometimes isn’t so state funded children end up in private schools. I don’t like it but would accept it in those circumstances.