If you had the money, would you send your kids to private school?

[ItsASunnyDayToday]

We have the money to fund private school for our 2 children if we choose to. We are in Surrey so plenty of private schools to choose from. Kids are year 4 and year 5.

Both me and DH were state educated. First in the family to go to university. Both have good professional careers, so up until now I’ve been set on state education. Thinking that with our support they’ll be fine where ever they go.

However, the local secondary school isn’t great, we only have one option due to catchment areas. It’s massive, 210 pupils per year. Ofsted rating is ‘good’ but the local reputation is mixed. Not a grammar school area so all the kids around here go (or private) which means a broad spectrum of social and academic mixing.

There are lots of private schools around here, which would suit my children individually. Some are very academic and fancy, others much more down to earth.

We have already looked at a few, but I can’t bite the bullet and put the kids in private. I just don’t know what’s stopping me. Morals? ethics? Fear of wasting money? What is it?

The financial side isn’t an issue - it is affordable, through to university if they chose, and we’d still have a good standard of living.

YABU - send your kids to private, it’s for the best.
YANBU - state is fine, even if it is only ‘ok’.

Yes, there will be variation based on location. One of my friends has a dc in a Surrey school that has a good SEN focus.

private

Surrey is an interesting one has it has a high % of private schools but I would only really consider a few of them & similarly it has a few excellent state options & the rest are pretty average.

Visit the schools and see if they are right for DC.

DS is going into secondary in September. There are a couple of state schools that will really suit him. The local private schools wouldn't really suit him as they are heavily focused on sport. He enjoys sport but is not naturally talented so would not make teams potentially reducing his friendship pool. There is one that I'd love to send him to but at nearly 40k before VAT it's not an option for now. We will revisit for Y9. DS2 would love a sporty school and would benefit from having loads of options.

No but I live in Surrey and all the local schools are very good so my kids will get a good education wherever they go. I have one child that is very into music and drama that might have benefited from the extracurricular side of private school but he has lessons outside of school and does three shows a year so he’s already getting plenty of opportunities.

Yes and yes.

Have the money, we send them private.

I often wonder of all the things I can be doing with all their school fees money but it's just a fantasy, I'd never actually move them to state.

if you can afford it you need to think what else would the money being doing? Just sitting around In a bank or would it be frittered on cake and slightly more expensive clothes etc.

But that said my son went to a good surrey comp and thrived and I would have to have been very wealthy to consider spending 25k on an alternative when he was having such a nice time and getting good results, even though objectively the independents looked like they were even nicer.

Oh well in that case...No state school. Most of the kids are illiterate thugs who will shank you soon as look at you.

Really? Is that the level of debate now? Pathetic.

So I don't have the money so this is all theoretical. I think it depends on the child...

If I had an academic child, excelling at mainstream school - no. Because I think you'll learn more about real life at a mainstream school and a grasp on real life is important as well as getting good grades. I don't see what added value private school would have, if your child's already getting the highest grades in mainstream.

If I had a child, who was sort of middle of the road academically - then I would send them, hoping it would push them into the top tiers.

If I had a child who struggled desperately academically, but was never going to want to progress in education past GCSEs and wanted to go into a trade after school - no I wouldn't send. I would pay for tutors to teach them in their own environment to get them up to the average grades they need to pass. I would see private school as a total waste for this type of child.

Unless i was a lottery winner or literally was rolling in it with no chance that would end - then I'd send any type of child private school! Purely for the more luxurious school trips and extra curricular things.

I'd never do boarding school - thats just cruel IMO.

You’re comparing state from when you were a child to now. Things have changed drastically since then. Have a read on threads from teachers on here who are leaving, from parents who are struggling with their kids being disrupted in school, the number of kids and issues teachers have to deal with over and above teaching and then you have a good picture of what it is like today.

Some Private schools are better than some State schools, people who say there is no need for Private usually have access to a decent State alternative
We opted for Private Secondary after a huge house building project pushed us into catchment for a school that even teachers working there told me to avoid and luckily we were in a position to make that decision.
I would HEAVILY judge any parent who can afford Private but sends their child to a crap school on principle.
But that never happens, everyone who criticises sending DC Private either can't afford it or has a good State option

It still depends on the actual school @Totallytoti. I have lots of teacher friends and family. One family member has been at the same state school for 2 decades & they aren't alone amongst the staff. They love it and it is still one of the best London states. One of my siblings went to one of the London grammars that still is a top school today for results.

There are definitely benefits to private but 40k a year worth of benefits? Depends on the child and the school as I said.

I didn't, even though I could afford it. Various reasons, pretty much all covered here. My eldest is 21 and has lots of friends from both state and private backgrounds. Talking to parents over the years, there are some who have regretted their original choices and moved their kids (in both directions). Remember no choice within schooling is forever and set in stone.

But that never happens, everyone who criticises sending DC Private either can't afford it or has a good State option

I agree with that although I also know a few who turn very anti state when their dc don't get a grammar place!

Very few are as much as 40k. Ours is less than half that (secondary). I'm not saying it's nothing but 18k a year is far more realisable on a dual income household if both are earning professional salaries of 30-40k and you don't live in the SE.

Yes, in a heartbeat. But I now live in the sort of place where parents smoke weed on the school run and start fights in the playground.

I just thank fuck there are grammars 45 mins away which my 11 year old has got into (the schools round here don’t do 11+, no one from her school has ever taken it in their memory), and that we can afford to pay for tutoring and time to help at home to make up for the time the poor teachers have to take out of the day firefighting shitty behaviour rather than being able to teach.

When I lived in a much more middle class area with my eldest, the schools were all excellent and parents were actively involved and gave a shit about education and behaviour, so I wouldn’t have bothered then.

I agree with your sentiment.

but op does say its a good school in surrey - and being a Surrey local, our good school really is good. But this may not be true in other bits of the county.

She did say the reputation locally is mixed. Which can mean anything from it's a terrible school with county lines running the show, to there is a couple of vocal parents on Facebook who don't like the behaviour policy meaning thier child got a detention.

If your local state schools are bad then yes, pay for private but if your local state schools are good then I would say no, it’s not worth it.

I have child in your scenario a. Excelling at state school, academically top of year but is nor challenged, is bored, doesn’t have many friends, not happy with the sports and music on offer. Could easily be pushed more but teachers too busy to bother with a nice girl who doesn’t interrupt or cause trouble.

You don’t understand that there is a huge value add to private secondary for her? Without any effort she is top of the year in a good state primary and not stretched at all. Surely that’s not not great.

no idea what real life means, a very small percentage of children live an extremely privileged life the majority in private schools in my area have two working parents, live in a normal house and don’t have live in staff or private jet holidays.

@RhaenysRocks I live in London, 30k fees plus are pretty standard then add extracurriculars, transport, food, trips, uniform & the fact they go up each year.

I'm not saying it's nothing but 18k a year is far more realisable on a dual income household if both are earning professional salaries of 30-40k and you don't live in the SE.

I'm not disputing that but I can only talk about the privates near me. And of course the good states tend to come with very high local house prices.

It’s not just about the education although generally private schools do better. The whole experience of private is nicer. They will likely have better facilities, more school trips, a wider variety of class subjects on offer. Lots of sport, more individual attention etc. I can understand why people who can’t afford it might feel like these are luxuries rather than essential parts of education but if you can afford it, why would you not want these things for you dc.

@noworklifebalance
Excellent summary. Just three things to add to your comprehensive list:

If private schools were banned then state schools would improve as private school parents are possessed of magical powers which for some reason state school parents aren’t.
and
We send our children to state school because WE are decent, moral people
and
Anyone who goes to boarding school is damaged for life and unable to function.

If I was super rich I would.

But private school is much further down the list than being able to gift a large house deposit.

And if the local schools were that terrible it would indicate to me that it's not a great area so would move house.

@SchoolDilemma17 that isn't great. Does the school not offer additional support for gifted pupils? Can you do extracurriculars outside of school?

For example one of mine is very strong in Maths so has an additional maths class a week instead of assembly. There is also a maths club which competes against other schools. There are extracurriculars pre & post school and during lunch, external and internal options.

They all come out with GCSE’s