If you had the money, would you send your kids to private school?

[ItsASunnyDayToday]

We have the money to fund private school for our 2 children if we choose to. We are in Surrey so plenty of private schools to choose from. Kids are year 4 and year 5.

Both me and DH were state educated. First in the family to go to university. Both have good professional careers, so up until now I’ve been set on state education. Thinking that with our support they’ll be fine where ever they go.

However, the local secondary school isn’t great, we only have one option due to catchment areas. It’s massive, 210 pupils per year. Ofsted rating is ‘good’ but the local reputation is mixed. Not a grammar school area so all the kids around here go (or private) which means a broad spectrum of social and academic mixing.

There are lots of private schools around here, which would suit my children individually. Some are very academic and fancy, others much more down to earth.

We have already looked at a few, but I can’t bite the bullet and put the kids in private. I just don’t know what’s stopping me. Morals? ethics? Fear of wasting money? What is it?

The financial side isn’t an issue - it is affordable, through to university if they chose, and we’d still have a good standard of living.

YABU - send your kids to private, it’s for the best.
YANBU - state is fine, even if it is only ‘ok’.

I had a few friends from State school growing up.
Criminals, the lot of them

Yes I would. My DD’s school is, in many ways, an unofficial SEN school which doesn’t suit her as she is very academic. That’s not a value judgement at all, she would definitely suit a private school if it was quite competitive and high achieving.

As someone from an area with grammar school, I always have to remind myself that not every area has a grammar school

I think also, a grammar only represents one aspect of why someone might choose private. You may have a really great kid who would struggle in a big, chaotic comp, but that wouldn't pass the exam for a grammar. Not all privates are academically selective and not all kids who would thrive in the quieter environment can afford them. A grammar wouldn't be the answer for everyone without the means for private.

We have grammar schools in the neighbouring authority. DD2 would almost certainly have passed the 11+ and DD1 would probably have got a place but we chose not to apply. I went to a grammar school and it's not something I wanted for my children.

Might I ask why?

I chose not to enter my eldest into the grammars near me. They are exceeding etc etc but they are not a genius & they aren't particularly studious. The London grammar's are so competitive and I think they prefer being top set/top of the class as opposed to distinctly average in a grammar if that makes sense.

YABU - I couldn’t afford to send mine, but would consider it if I could. It’s great you have the option.

I went to a failing state school (it was almost shut!) then an outstanding sixth form (of equal quality to the local private schools). As a child who was identified as gifted, I was OK as in I wasn’t bullied and had friends, but I wasn’t adequately stretched. I had to teach myself most of the Chemistry GCSE syllabus using revision guides at home, loads of material I’d never seen, both because of disruptive behaviour and a string of supply teachers.

When I started sixth form, it was surreal, I genuinely couldn’t believe the difference in overall behaviour (the classes were quiet, nobody was throwing anything or fighting) and how interested and keen everybody was to learn. I thrived there and at university. It was a relief and I felt less alone,

So if your children are very bright, they may get more out of a private school given that you said your local secondary isn’t great. I’d go for it! 😊

If your state option isn't great and you can afford it, why would you not?

Bear in mind though that 11 plus entry is very competitive and there will be a whole hoopla about exam prep and schools like Guildford High or Hampton are taking the top 2% max. So ability to pay the fees means nothing if they don't get a place (which most won't). It's not as bad as London though, so there is that.

I have one child with a spld similar (but different) to dyslexia, as well as another with ASD. We moved to private for the ASD child who couldn’t cope in a class of 30+, but actually our dyslexic-ish child is getting the most support and seeing the most benefit at the moment. I do all sorts at home, but it makes a real difference to have an engaged teacher making small but important adaptations in the classroom. Not that state school teachers wouldn’t try, but in a small class you really get personalised support. The extracurriculars also make an outsized difference for children that struggle with core subjects.

Yes, if you haven't a good state option. I have two in private myself. You're paying for class sizes. However if I could do it again, I'd have done more research and found one a bit more academic. Ours has a lot of SEN kids which means the non SEN kids get less attention naturally. As a group it works well socially but less so academically. Look around and see what works, but absolutely, if you can afford it, do it.

It’s all well and good for those in areas with great state schools and grammars to say they wouldn’t send their child to a private school, however not all state schools are equal. I was fortunate to go to a very good state school however the area I live in now has two very poor options. Whilst the private options aren’t perfect, at least the class sizes are smaller and they are an improvement on the state option. Lastly, this should also be considered on a child by child basis. I feel my DD would struggle in a very large setting and the option of private would be a positive step for her

Yes, it is worth it - the experience of being at school is different

@iseethembloom just saw this post from you- I have a DD in Y4 so starting to look at secondariesster this year. What research do you recommend doing? I’m going to all open days and asking people in my village about options as I haven’t lived I. The area for very long. Anything else I should do?

I’d send mine private if I could afford it, but only if I knew that I was buying smaller class sizes, better guaranteed behaviour, specialist staff, better results, help with Personal Statements, getting into the better universities, well equipped and maintained facilities and a healthy bank balance. Not just a cute uniform.

I wouldn’t hesitate to buy my kids advantage in such a way, if I could, or needed to.

However, I’d be upfront and readily admit I know I’m buying my kids advantage over others. I can’t stand the ‘I’m doing it for the music and drama’ apologists. You’re not, you’re doing it for better grades in a nicer environment.

I went to 3 secondary schools - a grammar, a private school and a state school. Based on my own experience, hands down I would choose private school if I could for my kids. Better facilities, smaller classes, sense of pride in the school. I felt like I was treated like an individual at private school, not just a number.

Of course not all state, grammar and private schools are equal but if you are not keen on your local state secondary, either move house or pay for private as you can afford it.

I would definitely not.
I didn't.
My child is thriving in state and friends with people from all different backgrounds and walks of life.

Yes, without a doubt.

We use private for the sole reason that our private school can and does remove violent and disruptive children. Our state school (Scotland) cannot. The difference in happiness of our child and their academic attainment from being in a calm, safe environment is staggering.

This was very much the case for us.
I sit on the PX panel at our local Comp and the things some kids have done and have not been PX'd is shocking.
Any 1 of the things they have done would have had them straight out of my DC's Private school and these kids are usually in front of the PX panel after many many incidents.
My DD's bully was gonee withing 24 hours while my friend had to with draw her DD from another school (State) after multiple incidents.
Of course some State schools deal vey well with bullying etc but many have their hands tied

Your responsibility as a parent is to do what you think is the best for your child. If you think private is best, then 100% you should do that. I can’t believe you would make a decision that would disadvantage your own child to satisfy some internal ethics

I would send my daughter to a private school in a heartbeat if I could afford to. Unfortunately Labour have now made it even harder now, cunts.

If state are not great and you can afford then it’s the logical thing. Mine went to state but both an outstanding primary and secondary, and both got top grades. Ex DP’s brother made a comment how it was all for free when DD got all 9’s at GCSE as he is paying in excess of 50k a year for education for an 8yr old and 5yr old (and a baby later on).

I'm really sorry to hear something bad happened to your DD. Given it was a turn around and such a quick expulsion what on earth did this horrible child do?

Screamed that she was a "fucking slut" across the Dining Room at her.