If you had the money, would you send your kids to private school?

[ItsASunnyDayToday]

We have the money to fund private school for our 2 children if we choose to. We are in Surrey so plenty of private schools to choose from. Kids are year 4 and year 5.

Both me and DH were state educated. First in the family to go to university. Both have good professional careers, so up until now I’ve been set on state education. Thinking that with our support they’ll be fine where ever they go.

However, the local secondary school isn’t great, we only have one option due to catchment areas. It’s massive, 210 pupils per year. Ofsted rating is ‘good’ but the local reputation is mixed. Not a grammar school area so all the kids around here go (or private) which means a broad spectrum of social and academic mixing.

There are lots of private schools around here, which would suit my children individually. Some are very academic and fancy, others much more down to earth.

We have already looked at a few, but I can’t bite the bullet and put the kids in private. I just don’t know what’s stopping me. Morals? ethics? Fear of wasting money? What is it?

The financial side isn’t an issue - it is affordable, through to university if they chose, and we’d still have a good standard of living.

YABU - send your kids to private, it’s for the best.
YANBU - state is fine, even if it is only ‘ok’.

Not for primary if you have decent state option.

Use that time to save money as you consider options further on. Fees are likely to keep shooting up - can you comfortably afford that until at least the end of year 11?

Only send them if you are sure that you have found a school that absolutely is the best fit for each child - these might be different schools.

210 is not a massive school btw.

Ours are absolutely thriving at our 3-19, 9 form entry state school and have lots of friends locally. There is no private option for our choice of schooling which is one of the schools’ biggest plus points imo.

Yabu

No. I would spend the money on amazing holidays and a home that we own.

I would absolutely invest in education. Make sure you view as many private schools in your area as you can, they all have a very different “feel”. Some are quite stuffy and formal, others are very relaxed and chill. You will get a certain vibe and know where you think your kids would be happy. Smaller class sizes and well behaved kids is what you are paying for.

How long have you lived where you do and is there no chance of moving? because that is the easiest and cheapest option.
All the schools near us are ok, and the local one is superb, one of the best in the country, so I always knew both ds's would be ok.

Absolutely.

I was state educated.
While my primary school was lovely, there was only two options for secondary.
Option 1: the local comprehensive which had an abysmal reputation. Even when my parents attended that school, it was known as a “rough school”.
Option 2: the private grammar school.

I ended up with option 1 as my parents were absolutely not in a position to afford private at the time. My first year there, OFSTED put it into special measures. The next 4 years consisted of chaotic classrooms, teachers completely unable to teach among the chaos. Endless fights among students. A scary number of teen pregnancies among the year 10 and 11 students. One teacher fired for threatening pupils with bread knife that had apparently been in his desk for years. One paedophile teacher. One headteacher fired over the paedophile hoopla she tried to cover up quietly…..and that’s just the tip of the shitty iceberg
Not exactly an environment conducive with stellar education 🫠

We are now in an extremely fortunate position where DH’s job will provide us with an astoundingly generous education allowance when we come back to the U.K. so it’s a no brainer for me. Our DCs will be privately educated for the foreseeable future.

Yes, if private school is affordable, why ever not?

Yes, absolutely. Worth every penny.

Mine were educated privately because an uncle offered to pay. I was against but DH persuaded me to accept the offer.

Both my children had the education and opportunities I would have loved for myself. They are now kind, civilised non snobbish grown ups.

i know many state schools are excellent but the turbulent comprehensives of the 70s traumatised me.

I particularly hated that if you were well behaved and bright you got literally nothing - no attention or support, in fact I was massively discriminated against.

I believe that as a society we should offer all children an education that supports their needs. I hope this can happen some day.

My DD is about to take her A levels so nearly finished now.

If I had the money I probably wouldn't, but then most schools near us are very good. My DD went to school with the daughters of professionals as well as a diverse mix of other children, some of whom might have gone to Private school if their parents had decided it. Her friends are all very ambitious and have done extremely well in state, as has my daughter. The only thing that niggles is the lack of organisation, and there was a demand for a £50 donation at one time but apart from that it's been good.

I definitely would. I’m working class and private school isn’t attainable for us but I don’t have a problem with it. If you can afford private education and private healthcare do it and save the country some money. Just pay your taxes too so the poor are covered. There’s always going to be richer, better educated people in our society, that’s the way it is.

It depends on the child & the school.

Yes, I would. I have. Both DH and I were state educated and have zero qualms about sending our kids private. It’s financially tough but totally worth it.
I am not sure I agree that waiting to secondary school is the best balance…both DH and I were incredibly lucky to attend brilliant state primary schools. Our state high schools however were awful but the kids from my primary were in all the top sets and we were well prepared and all did well, despite the poor behaviour and distraction from the lower sets. I think primary sets the tone and builds the fundamentals. You can survive a terrible secondary if you come in with a strong start and have “learned how to learn”.

For primary it's unlikely as most are good or outstanding. For secondary I'd be more likely to move to an area with better options but it entirely depends on the child and options available.

I could afford it and chose not to, instead have put money aside for either house deposit or to pay their university fees, but in my case both my kids were academic and did not experience any bullying at their pretty average state school. They are both now at uni (eldest ended up with an academic scholarship to cover his 1st year fees), and most of the studies I've seen show that those from state school, who get in to uni do better once there than those from private schools.

Depends on your local state schools but I probably would for smaller class sizes.

Can afford private. Not choosing it.

I ruled out surrey as a place to live because it has such a high proportion of DC in private schools.

Having done state from age 3, we’ve just moved our yr8 from a huge state comp (much bigger than in the OP!) to non-fancy independent. It’s like night and day. I can’t believe how instantly better the learning environment and behaviour is. That for me is what matters.

The disruption, behaviour and inexperienced teachers at the - good, and well respected - comp made it almost impossible to learn. If you struggle but are well behaved you’ll never get any attention. If you are bright you’ll probably do fine in spite of it - but possibly not meet your full potential.

We both went to not great state schools and ‘did well in spite of it’ - however the behaviour was no where near as bad as what we’ve experienced in the classes of our Yr8 child. We had no intention of going private until we saw the reality in the classroom. If I had the money I’d send all my kids private from yr7 (agree primary not worth it unless it’s dire).

Absolutely

Presumably your Y5 child will have to do 11+. I don’t know any good private school who takes children in Y6 so they can skip 11+. If you are seriously considering it you need to start prepping them for 11+ NOW, as the exams are in October and November.

I am also in Surrey and can’t understand why you even have doubts. We have some amazing private schools here. Did you visit state secondaries too?

My older DC doesn’t struggle but she is well behaved and performing well, so gets zero attention and doesn’t get pushed or challenged. She is bored a lot of the time but not a trouble maker so teachers don’t care. She loves sports but the quality of teaching at her state school is bad and the instrument teacher just left the school because most pupils don’t bother to practice. We are moving her to independent secondary in Y7.

Me personally, in my specific situation, I wouldn't.

1. Neither child would pass the entrance exam ....so even if I had money (I don't) it's a non starter.

I remember looking into it when DS was having some troubles at school and thinking "bloody hell, if state school had prepared him to complete this exam- I'd have no complaint at all with his state school"

1. Both have SEN. Although many independent schools do provide additional support for learning, in Scotland at least, they don't have to by law. I would prefer the certainty of enforceable rights.

1. They are now, after a long struggle, doing OK where they are. DS in a SEN unit. DD knuckling down to dyslexia interventions in two languages in Gaelic emersion school.

(No, I would not have chosen Gaelic school if I knew she was dyslexic but we are where we are)

1. If we lived anywhere near a specialist independent school for dyslexia or for kids that have struggled with mainstream, I would think differently. Those look amazing.

Neither child would pass the entrance exam ....so even if I had money (I don't) it's a non starter.

Plenty of privates aren't academic @unlimiteddilutingjuice

Plenty of privates aren't academic

I've looked into it. In my area they all have an entrance exam of some sort.

My eldest would suit something like Dunedin in Edinburgh. So we're talking a bit more than just "not academic"

If we lived there I could see myself going to tribunal to try and get the local authority to pay.

I find independent schools that cater for mild learning difficulties interesting.

It's a market that only seems to exist because mainstream independent schools aren't required to cater for SEN in the same way that mainstream state schools do.

But some of them are now so good that state school parents are trying to get local authorities to pay for their kids to attend as well.

There's been lots of stuff in Scottish tribunals lately about what exactly counts as a "special school" that the local authority should pay for.

I hope the parents win out in the end, if only to force local authorities to up their SEN game in the state sector.

In your circumstances, yes. Make sure you look around the private schools with a critical.eye though. Just like state schools there are good and bad ones. You want to cut through the marketing and glossy brochures and dig into academic performance, support and extra curricululars etc