Guests wasting food

[PottersMarsBars]

We have a bbq coming up and one of the guests is known for overfilling her plate and only eating a small amount of it. She does it every single time. I don’t feel comfortable saying anything as it might cause friction with the relationship dynamics but seeing an obscene amount of food going into the bin really pisses me off it’s like she’s throwing my money away. On top of that she comes over with empty hands, not that we need anything but I wouldn’t go to someone’s house and not take a bottle of wine with me specially when she drinks a lot. Would it be wrong if I served her instead of letting her serve herself? Not inviting her isn’t an option unfortunately.

It depends how you BBQ.

My preferred method is to put a couple of things on, say sausages and burgers, then when the burgers are done I'll ask who wants one and put something else on. Then when the sausages are done I do the same.

So food is available throughout the afternoon but only 1 or 2 things at a time.

I know some people put everything on at once and I think that can make people over fill their plates.

Have salad and accompaniments out for people to help themselves.

I think it would be hard to do this to one person only. Doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, can't stand food waste. I'd also limit wine by the sound of it, not because they don't bring anything (it's fine to tell her to bring something) but because I'd be worried about how they would act.

Let it go.

Yes I'd serve this person and wouldn't hesitate to tell them why if asked, food waste really pisses me off.

Offer her a doggy bag, it may make her aware of how much she is throwing away.

I always serve barbecue food, cook it in series, so things aren't all cooked, and risk it burning at the same time.

I'd put bread, salads and drinks out, and have the sausages ready first. Serve everyone a sausage, then the steaks and then the chicken which takes longest to cook anyway, so perfectly reasonable.

Yes I would do this. Make a point that you'd really hate the food to go to waste.

I second this! I wouldn't even offer her a doggy bag. I would doggy bag her waste up and make her take it home pointing out nicely it's "the food you didn't eat here".

Dear god what a joyless host.

If you’re happy serving sausages and burgers you’re not the environmental warrior you think you are. Be a gracious host.

The suggestions to give her a doggy bag!! I can’t imagine being so rude.

The alternative of course would be to make nicer food.

It’s just one plate of food at a BBQ. You need to let this go. It bothering you is a you problem, and you’d be petty to impose your food ideals on an adult guest.

Besides, maybe she ends up not eating it all because the food is shit and she’s trying to be polite by taking some instead of turning her nose up. I went to a BBQ once and was faced with many dishes that had mayo in them that had obviously been left out too long, a burger that wasn’t fully cooked. So despite intending to eat a full meal, I had to pretend pick at food to not offend my hosts by making their lack of food safety and hygiene into an issue,

I'd either let it go or change how you BBQ and serve everyone. Just serving her isn't going to stop her from getting up and helping herself to more food if that's what others are doing.

The alternative of course would be to make nicer food.

That's pretty nasty.

And how is offering a doggy bag rude?
I think she is the one being rude by only eating a small amount of the food on her plate.

It really annoys me people's casual attitude to food. Admittedly I don't eat meat but seeing people just throw meat away so casually makes me think about the poor animal needlessly slaughtered just so they can be discarded in a rubbish bin.

she is your guest!

Use small plates! Means people can't take too much in one go.

Any chance she likes being 'looked after'? If so, you could show her to a chair and offer to go get a plate for her?

This would annoy me too but realistically I think you need to let it go. Or have tiny plates

Is smaller plates an option?? My dinner plates are huge so we use the side plates for BBQ’s. But we also cook in stages, so not everything is ready at the same time.

How can this even be a thing? Why do you host people of you are watching what they eat and throw away? If it bothers you that much, don't invite her! How much can one person really waste anyway??!

Put out the cheaper food like bread, pasta salad etc for people to serve themselves and just accept that there will be some wastage of those. For the meat I would cook a bit at a time and then serve it when it’s done, if she’s coming up for sausages but hasn’t finished her burger then it’ll be easier to just say ‘Oh, I’ll keep a sausage aside so it stays warm while you finish your burger’ but not actually let her add more food when her plate is still piled high. There may still be a bit of waste but hopefully not as much. You could also use smaller side plates instead of big dinner plates so it’s not easy for people to pile them high with food they won’t be able to eat.

I'm guessing there's a whole load more to this, and that you really don't like this person. Also guessing it's a family member/inlaw..?

and load up her plate into a container to take with her

Let it go

Smaller plates or just let it go

Not being flippant, why not get smaller plates?

You can’t just serve her. Serve everyone if this is the hill you’re going to die on, but realistically suck up the one plate of food waste, it’s what’s happens when you’re hosting, you’re always going to end up with some