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AIBU?

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Original poster

Guests wasting food

283 replies

PottersMarsBars · 01/05/2025 10:03

We have a bbq coming up and one of the guests is known for overfilling her plate and only eating a small amount of it. She does it every single time. I don’t feel comfortable saying anything as it might cause friction with the relationship dynamics but seeing an obscene amount of food going into the bin really pisses me off it’s like she’s throwing my money away. On top of that she comes over with empty hands, not that we need anything but I wouldn’t go to someone’s house and not take a bottle of wine with me specially when she drinks a lot. Would it be wrong if I served her instead of letting her serve herself? Not inviting her isn’t an option unfortunately.

OP posts:
Chenecinquantecinq · 01/05/2025 13:25

I swear half the posts on here are a total wind up

Sickofschoolruns · 01/05/2025 13:27

I think if you obsessively monitor what people eat at BBQ's then hosting a BBQ probably isn't for you. As PPs have said, get smaller plates for everyone or serve in stages. But the other suggestions on here will likely lead to you being called out by other guests for picking on this person. Or at the least you'll be remembered as the person that did that. 'You're going to Potters for a BBQ? Careful, she causes a scene if you leave anything on your plate'.

nomas · 01/05/2025 13:42

Could you style it out as a restaurant style BBQ?

Give everyone a pretty A5 size menu and ask them what they want and plate it up?

TorroFerney · 01/05/2025 13:43

MrsEverest · 01/05/2025 10:19

Dear god what a joyless host.

If you’re happy serving sausages and burgers you’re not the environmental warrior you think you are. Be a gracious host.

The suggestions to give her a doggy bag!! I can’t imagine being so rude.

The alternative of course would be to make nicer food.

Edited
Show quote history

Environmental warrior? It’s the cost. And the manners or lack of.

Anonycat · 01/05/2025 13:43

Give your guests smaller plates. She’ll be less likely to go for a refill if she doesn’t really want it.

But I think it would be rude to give her a doggy bag and too awkward (for everyone) for you to serve them. I don’t believe the amount she throws away could be worth you making this fuss about.

nomas · 01/05/2025 13:44

Sickofschoolruns · 01/05/2025 13:27

I think if you obsessively monitor what people eat at BBQ's then hosting a BBQ probably isn't for you. As PPs have said, get smaller plates for everyone or serve in stages. But the other suggestions on here will likely lead to you being called out by other guests for picking on this person. Or at the least you'll be remembered as the person that did that. 'You're going to Potters for a BBQ? Careful, she causes a scene if you leave anything on your plate'.

But that’s the whole point, the wasteful guest isn’t eating it. If she actually ate the food, OP wouldn’t be bothered. Many people do find food waste disgusting.

Lazydomestic · 01/05/2025 13:44

Food a tough one but drink would message x is bringing y so if you could bring a bottle of white or something you prefer drinking 👍

Isometimeswonder · 01/05/2025 13:45

Can you make a group chat and ask if everyone can bring something?
Then she'll see she needs to contribute

Richiewoo · 01/05/2025 13:46

Give out smaller plates.

user1492757084 · 01/05/2025 13:46

Op, you will enjoy the BBQ more if you are not monitoring one guest. It seems bonkers to do that.

Be a gracious host but - think as to why anyone might throw away food.
Is the food too salty? - it looks appetizing but when bitten into guest cannot tolerate the salt.
Is the food over fatty?
Is the food too large in portion size?

Supply smaller sausages/meat and plates.
Have on offer at all times - fresh leafy salads, rice salad, potato salad, iced water and non alcoholic punch.

Sickofschoolruns · 01/05/2025 13:48

nomas · 01/05/2025 13:44

But that’s the whole point, the wasteful guest isn’t eating it. If she actually ate the food, OP wouldn’t be bothered. Many people do find food waste disgusting.

Show quote history

Surely those that host big meaty BBQs cant really care that much about food waste? If it's the cost, don't host. The money is spent either way. Or be honest with all guests before 'Im inviting you but I find food waste disgusting and will actively monitor your intake, so please only accept if you're willing to clear your plate'.

BestDIL · 01/05/2025 13:48

sashh · 01/05/2025 10:10

It depends how you BBQ.

My preferred method is to put a couple of things on, say sausages and burgers, then when the burgers are done I'll ask who wants one and put something else on. Then when the sausages are done I do the same.

So food is available throughout the afternoon but only 1 or 2 things at a time.

I know some people put everything on at once and I think that can make people over fill their plates.

Have salad and accompaniments out for people to help themselves.

We do this too. DH is the BBQer in our house and this is exactly how he operates!

It would piss me off too watching food go to waste

handsdownthebest · 01/05/2025 13:51

EleanorReally · 01/05/2025 10:44

and load up her plate into a container to take with her

This^.... and point out to her that the amount of food she wastes is unacceptable.
That should give her the hint.

latetothefisting · 01/05/2025 13:52

MrsEverest · 01/05/2025 10:19

Dear god what a joyless host.

If you’re happy serving sausages and burgers you’re not the environmental warrior you think you are. Be a gracious host.

The suggestions to give her a doggy bag!! I can’t imagine being so rude.

The alternative of course would be to make nicer food.

Edited
Show quote history

Do you get invited to many bbqs, or any social events?
Surprising if so, if you're this unnecessarily bitchy in real life

RanchRat · 01/05/2025 13:55

Bloody hell, crying into your beer over a couple of wasted bangers. You have no idea what issues are driving this woman's relationship with food. Let her be for goodness sake. Do you really want to humiliate her?

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 01/05/2025 13:59

Surely those that host big meaty BBQs cant really care that much about food waste?

Huh? This makes no sense. Explain why you think there's a relationship between meaty BBQs and waste?

Nothing goes to wasted when I do a BBQ

justasking111 · 01/05/2025 14:00

Meadowfinch · 01/05/2025 10:16

I always serve barbecue food, cook it in series, so things aren't all cooked, and risk it burning at the same time.

I'd put bread, salads and drinks out, and have the sausages ready first. Serve everyone a sausage, then the steaks and then the chicken which takes longest to cook anyway, so perfectly reasonable.

That's what we do at our club fundraisers we've some greedy bastards who will heap up their plates robbing those at the back of the queue of a choice. It really riled me.

Sickofschoolruns · 01/05/2025 14:04

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 01/05/2025 13:59

Surely those that host big meaty BBQs cant really care that much about food waste?

Huh? This makes no sense. Explain why you think there's a relationship between meaty BBQs and waste?

Nothing goes to wasted when I do a BBQ

Because meat eating is a massive contributor to climate change and BBQing is obviously awful for the environment.

MyDeftDuck · 01/05/2025 14:04

Cook the food in stages so there’s not a huge amount ready all at once and do get some smaller plates-then there won’t be room for a mountain of food.

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/05/2025 14:06

Itsjustsodepressing · 01/05/2025 10:33

The alternative of course would be to make nicer food.

That's pretty nasty.

And how is offering a doggy bag rude?
I think she is the one being rude by only eating a small amount of the food on her plate.

It really annoys me people's casual attitude to food. Admittedly I don't eat meat but seeing people just throw meat away so casually makes me think about the poor animal needlessly slaughtered just so they can be discarded in a rubbish bin.

Show quote history

I agree. I hate waste.

Soontobesingles · 01/05/2025 14:18

justmeandmyselfandi · 01/05/2025 10:41

How can this even be a thing? Why do you host people of you are watching what they eat and throw away? If it bothers you that much, don't invite her! How much can one person really waste anyway??!

I agree with this. It seems really petty and mean spirited to be watching guests’ plates to the extent you know how much they are eating. If it bothers you that much do as others say and cook in stages.

Boreded · 01/05/2025 14:21

VickiFromAmsterdam · 01/05/2025 11:04

This drives me effing mad OP! H’s son’s partner & her kid, never, ever, finish a meal. Now the son’s had a daughter with this woman, & the kid who used to eat all sorts now leaves everything. I no longer cook for them but we go out & pay for the food. They eat half a dinner & half a pudding. Then there’s a ridiculous excuse as to why they can’t eat the food, like the ice cream’s melted, or they want to make room for pudding 🙄 I’d like to say just finish your fucking dinner then I won’t have to waste money on a pudding for you, you wasteful cunts! Even if we go somewhere where the meals are small they moan that there’s not enough food, yet they still leave something.

Edited

Wow…you sound awful

Nsky62 · 01/05/2025 14:24

nomas · 01/05/2025 13:44

But that’s the whole point, the wasteful guest isn’t eating it. If she actually ate the food, OP wouldn’t be bothered. Many people do find food waste disgusting.

Show quote history

You could stagger salads and stuff, and say I’ve brought out x amount, and have more in the fridge if you’d like it

TheSpottedZebra · 01/05/2025 14:25

Is this your DM/MIL and do you have children?

If so, yet one of them to comment on why Grandma hasn't eaten her dinner, and then you can kindly offer a doggy bag.

Yeah, that's rude too, but so is waste.

ItGhoul · 01/05/2025 14:29

If you can't cope with a guest not eating everything on their plate, maybe hosting meals just isn't for you.

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