Guests wasting food

[PottersMarsBars]

We have a bbq coming up and one of the guests is known for overfilling her plate and only eating a small amount of it. She does it every single time. I don’t feel comfortable saying anything as it might cause friction with the relationship dynamics but seeing an obscene amount of food going into the bin really pisses me off it’s like she’s throwing my money away. On top of that she comes over with empty hands, not that we need anything but I wouldn’t go to someone’s house and not take a bottle of wine with me specially when she drinks a lot. Would it be wrong if I served her instead of letting her serve herself? Not inviting her isn’t an option unfortunately.

I hate the finish your plate mentality. It's one of the reasons for the obesity crisis.
When you're full, stop eating.
And yes, sometimes I go for a meal of many courses. That means I have to only eat some of each course because I can't eat it all.
Obviously, if I had a choice, I would only take what I need, but if you're eating somewhere where the food is plated for you, you can't choose your portions.

This thread has reminded me of the old James Mason/ Susan George film Spring and Port Wine.
Those of you who dont like the " obsession" with wasting food would be horrified watching that . Susan George refuses to eat the herring served up for her tea so her father instructs that the same fish is served up to her every day to try and make her eat it.

My father actually would have done similar to us when we were growing up if my mother hadn't dug her heels in. He certainly did his best not to let us leave the dinner table until our plates were cleared. My hill to die on was parsnips and sprouts. No amount of bullying would make me eat them. Although strangely I like them now.

It's not about the food, is it? You just don't like this person and want to make a point. I would find other ways of doing it that don't show you as a petty and ungracious host.

What will you say if you offer her a doggy bag and she refuses?

You could make a general comment that people can take stuff away in doggy bags but a hostess shouldn't be making her guests feel uncomfortable.

Either have manners at your own event and make sure that no-one is uncomfortable or feels singled out or begrudged or stop hosting events until you know how to do so.

Remember-a hostess should not make her guests uncomfortable. That's the most basic rule and anyone who doesn't understand that shouldn't be hosting.

Imagine your hostess watching with pursed lips every morsel you put or don't put in your mouth. Poor woman.

Can’t you just leave any leftovers at the bottom of the garden for foxes?

Smaller plates is a very good idea actually.
I would also have no qualms in saying to the group at large, right please only take what you are going to eat, you can always come back for more. Those who aren't 'guilty' of this won't be offended.

This
I mean, I can't imagine even noticing how much people are putting on their plates, never mind getting wound up about it!
I'm not made of money either before someone accuses me of being rich 😁

Small paper plates. It is better having paper plates outside so they don’t break.
serve in stages. Sausages first and Steak last.
I would never turn up empty handed. She must be a real CF.

I would say to everyone to bring their own drinks, that's quite usual thing to do. Bring what you want to drink. Still have some reserves for when it runs out but bring tour own drink is a normal thing to ask.
Re the food, for the meat serve it, for the salads you will have to suck it up as can't really ration someones salad portions, unless you serve that too but that will be a faff.
Also small plates is a good idea!

Smaller plates. Ignore what she wastes from that. It may be she has her own issues around food?

I was brought up by a mother who had been brought up in WW2 and have had the same aversion to waste drummed in, so I feel your conflict!

Use smaller plates.

Space out the food (surely it will all get cold if you try and do it all at once, unless you have an industrial sized bbq). Do the steak first whilst the coals are hot, then lamb, chicken, fish/seafood. When an item is finished on the bbq, put it on a large serving plate and ask your partner to take it round to everyone (give him the tongs so he can dish it to people).

Or stop inviting her🤷‍♀️

I was also made to sit at the table for hours and hours. Fortunately, by the time the younger siblings came along, my father had realised this was stupid.
What is interesting as well is that finding out in adulthood that one of the foods I couldn't finish is generally considered really awful anyway - tinned meatballs.
Another thing I couldn't cope with was Weetabix that had gone too mushy. I was really heaving with it.

I'm not sure you should be encouraging foxes to visit your neighbourhood.

I can understand your annoyance, clearly it’s a family member you can’t not invite

Wasting meat at a BBQ is a costly concern, especially with plenty of hungry people about, who could happily devour the wasted food.

I would use the small plate option, and serve the meats seperately, and omit this person, if they have a full plate already.

Difficult if you are having a large party though, or have need to prepare some in preparation, and when at some point the meats re all ready and people self serve.

Id be really quite cross, as this is clearly a regular thing.

Honestly, if you really hate her this much just don’t invite her.

I think you need to cater to your audience.

So don't do mountains of food, assuming a lot will be wasted.

Do two chicken legs per person, a sausage and a burger. I mean, even that's overcatering, especially if I'm right in saying you're also providing salads and spuds and other bits.

Also - have people come up for the items you've just cooked. "chicken's ready" then she can have her portion and you hand it out, instead of her taking twice the normal portion.

Do you have to invite her?

Someone on MN bought these plates for bbq’s, 6 for £1. Yes they are for kids, but perfect for mingling as it’s easy to keep the food on the plate.

www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/kalas-plate-mixed-colours-80461380/

This. No feelings hurt and everyone gets a choice.

Re not bringing a contribution, you could try sending an email to her ( just to her) saying

“Many thanks to the people who have offered bringing to bring drinks and desserts to share. If anyone else would like to contribute then some wine ,beer or soft drinks would be gratefully appreciated .”

if you are lucky you might get a litre of supermarket lemonade out of her!

Is there some way you could seat a friend near to her who would take a bit less food than they otherwise would, and then when Wendy Wastrel sighs and pushes her plate away, say "Ooh, could I have that sausage? There weren't any when I went up and they look lovely". (Not everyone will be comfortable with taking food that's been on someone else's plate, but when I was growing up it was normal because waste would have been a bigger problem.)

Otherwise I agree with the PP who suggests serving guests the meat, one piece at a time. "Bit of steak, Wendy, or a chicken thigh? I'll pop back when you've finished your sausage". No need to confront, just make it slightly harder for her to accumulate lots of food.

One other consideration is that Wendy herself may not be very happy with the situation. Perhaps she knows she can't eat a lot, but she feels obliged to take some of everything because she was taught it was polite (implicitly saying "It all looks lovely"). Maybe you can't have a conversation with her about it, but it could be that a slight nudge of some kind would allow her the psychological safety to not fill up. (Or of course she could be a selfish CF, who knows. Is she otherwise considered a nice person, or is this behaviour with food part of a pattern?)

Foxes are almost certainly likely to be around anyway, so why not feed them food that will be thrown away otherwise?

do you need to be so rude?