Guests wasting food

[PottersMarsBars]

We have a bbq coming up and one of the guests is known for overfilling her plate and only eating a small amount of it. She does it every single time. I don’t feel comfortable saying anything as it might cause friction with the relationship dynamics but seeing an obscene amount of food going into the bin really pisses me off it’s like she’s throwing my money away. On top of that she comes over with empty hands, not that we need anything but I wouldn’t go to someone’s house and not take a bottle of wine with me specially when she drinks a lot. Would it be wrong if I served her instead of letting her serve herself? Not inviting her isn’t an option unfortunately.

I hate this obsession with 'wasting food'. If she eat it all, anything that is more than essential for her is also wasted isn't it?

Your money's been spent either way. Supermarket isn't going to buy back what is not consumed.

Sorry @Hoppinggreen , cross posted!

This is not something to get worked up about. If you are worried about food waste don't host a bbq in the first place and certainly don't start policing other people.
At buffet type events people often take too much and end up not finishing it. Perhaps they think they'll take a bit more so they don't have to end up going up and down all the time or they over-estimate how hungry they are or they take something and don't like it.
Get smaller plates as many others have suggested that means people can't load as much on and serve the barbecued food in stages so it isn't all ready at once.

And then you'll have to ignore it. If you let things like this piss you off it just means you end up feeling shit and that's no way to live your life.
If you don't want people throwing your money in the bin then don't host a bbq.

If it bothers you and you can’t just ignore it then I think the suggestion of cooking things gradually is a good idea, rather than everything being available at once. I do think when everything is out at once, and people are hungry, then people can be more likely to overload a plate because everything looks good and when you haven’t yet eaten your eyes can be bigger than your tummy. If you put things out gradually then it prevents that “omg I’m starving I want 3 of everything” because they can have a couple of sausages in a bun, sit after that for a bit and then have a burger, sit for a bit after that and usually once they’ve actually eaten that huge appetite urge to eat everything goes.

I do get the annoyance though. There are 2 particular people in my extended family who do this at every family party/wedding/christening/wake, they go to the buffet with 2 plates, one for savoury and one for sweet, load both of them up with enough food to feed a whole table of people, and they end up leaving what would be a normal persons portion of food on the plate.

I like this. A polite way of drawing her attention to the matter.

well no, if it's not on her plate then it can be eaten by someone else or can be leftovers or frozen for another day.

We bbq for family most weekends and cook a bit more so we have chicken or prawn or whatever for a lunch in the week. If there's any left.

Smaller plates

And ask her to bring a bottle of wine

She clearly pisses you off so why invite her?

True. But if she only dished up and ate what she needed, OP would have leftovers for another meal - so not wasted on either count. But you can't save food from someone else's plate to use as left overs (well, you can, but its unhygienic!)

You have to invite her so there's nothing you can do. Stop with the monitoring and enjoy the day

This drives me mad too (I have family that do this). I’ve tried smaller plates (it was piled higher) and I’m being serious literally one bite taken…. Doggy bag idea is a good one. I’m also tempted with a pointed comment of I won’t dish you any pud as you’re obviously far to full and point at leftovers. I hate food waste too especially bbq when it’s pricey stuff not a bit of spaghetti!

Either suck it up - or serve everyone - or change how you cook and serve your BBQs- We serve everything together - sounds like doing a bit at a time would be better here. But she'd probably still load up on sides.

Or say - 'x, can you just take what you are going to eat, I'm fed up of throwing food away left on your plate.'

@Gwenhwyfar I'm like it too though, although it doesn't make sense. Recently I've had a health condition and can't eat much, and it really bother me if I don't manage everything on my plate. It's not the cost it's just the throwing away of food. I grew up not too long after WW2, so perhaps it was drummed into me at an early age!

If its just one person with a single plate of food, its hardly an 'obscene amount of food waste' is it? And if she ate it all, presumably you wouldn't mind, so does it really matter whether it goes in her stomach or the bin? Either way no-one else can eat it and you've spent the money on it. Just let it go.

I get why it’s annoying but I also think that being a good host means overlooking things like this. By all means ask if she wants to take her leftovers home or change how you cook and plate up, but otherwise just let her be.

If you can get away with serving her I would do that. I hate people wasting food all the time.

As pps have said, bread etc and salad first, dish out the meat throughout the afternoon and if you see her going to bin food say something like -oh, you can take that home if it’s too much to finish, no need to waste it.

Then offer to put in a put/in foil/similar while chatting about the cost of living crisis and so many people can’t even feed their children etc.

This drives me effing mad OP! H’s son’s partner & her kid, never, ever, finish a meal. Now the son’s had a daughter with this woman, & the kid who used to eat all sorts now leaves everything. I no longer cook for them but we go out & pay for the food. They eat half a dinner & half a pudding. Then there’s a ridiculous excuse as to why they can’t eat the food, like the ice cream’s melted, or they want to make room for pudding 🙄 I’d like to say just finish your fucking dinner then I won’t have to waste money on a pudding for you, you wasteful cunts! Even if we go somewhere where the meals are small they moan that there’s not enough food, yet they still leave something.

This.

And remember, it’s not only guests who are expected to display good manners. Presumably she’s not around at your house throwing armfuls of food waste into the bins every day. It’s only an occasional happening, and the polite thing for you to do is not to comment.

People will eat leftover food that’s still in the serving dish. If it’s been refrigerated within an acceptable period of being cooked, we’ll often have leftovers for lunch the next day. But no one wants to eat something after an acquaintance has been pushing it around their own plate with their fork. So it goes in the bin, when it could have been used by someone else.
That’s why taking more than you’re actually going to eat is wasteful and rude. I wouldn’t bother mentioning it though. I doubt it’s worth the argument.

If they're family, they may not mind I suppose.
It's possible the guest intends to eat all that food, but then can't in the end.
Talking of hygiene, there are also people who say you shouldn't have seconds in a buffet with the same place because that could also contaminate the food so going up many times isn't an option either (unless you wastefully use many plates).

I suppose OP could put less food out and bring more as the first pile gets eaten?

Something is telling me this is your MIL?

Because the OP is the one who collects the plates and has to throw away good food that someone else could have eaten.

OP, sympathies. I have guests coming in a couple of weeks who, because of food intolerances and preferences give me a menu in advance so that I have appropriate ingredients and meals for them. So I spend money on things like a particular expensive brand of vegan margarine and vegan cheese, and gluten-free flour and a whole host of ingredients I don't regularly use, and cater for us using their recipes — and then they barely eat any of it! Last time, after locating a particular form of muesli at £5 a pack from the health food shop ('All we ever eat for breakfast!') they spotted that the Cornflakes in my cupboard were GF and had those instead. It's massively annoying. If they are as bad this time as they were last time, I won't be inviting them again.

Exactly. I'm curious as to why OP just can't tell her outright? As I see it, if the guest is pissed off by the reason, so be it - OP is already pissed about having food wasted! So horses for courses, I'd say...

I feel your pain OP as I too absolutely detest food waste. My SIL and her kids will always pile a plate high at a buffet, eat half and leave the rest at every buffet. Then do this several times. I find it really hard not to say anything but I’d probably be made to look like the bad guy.