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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think money given to your child should be saved for them?

209 replies

pontipinemum · 30/04/2025 09:43

For context my children and 2 yrs and a baby. When they are older I will let them make their own choices, but will guide them.

When I receive money for them I put it into their credit union account. Some parents apparently do not do this. Money I received as a child often didn't make it to my account, and I have heard others saying the same. Then I've hear mums in groups saying they will put it towards something for the child or towards the zoo tickets etc.

AIBU to think they only thing you should do with it is save it for the child?

This is outside of extreme circumstances such as without the money the child wouldn't have a winter coat etc

OP posts:
Agix · 30/04/2025 09:45

Definitely save for child. The kid will appreciate the money a lot more when they're about to head off to uni (or even later).

TheyreThreeTheyreSixTheyreNineandTen · 30/04/2025 09:47

You do you. But stop being so judgmental about other people’s parenting choices.
FWIW I did put it all in DC’s account, but a trip to the zoo or whatever is an enjoyable day out for them. Taking them and telling them ‘Aunty Sue has bought us this lovely day out’ is fine.

LovingLurker · 30/04/2025 09:47

I think everyone’s circumstances are different here and would depend on what was agreed when money was provided. Sometimes I am given money to save for my daughter so I save it , sometimes I am given money and told to buy them a gift as person doesn’t know what to gift them. If I get a gift I always share a picture of the gift given with the person so they know where there money went. I’ve definitely heard of people saying they have given someone money to buy there child xyz such as a school bag and it’s been spent on things not for the child. I think this is unacceptable.

CrawlingOutOfTheTrenches · 30/04/2025 09:48

Like you, I save it for my children.

However, when they are old enough to understand money better that choice will be out of my hands. I will encourage them to save some, spend some but ultimately it'll be their choice.

But, I can understand if the money is not there for families, using it for something children need or experiences. It depends on your circumstances.

Wahsingday · 30/04/2025 09:48

Think it depends on your income. If you are regularly taking your kid on trips and you are essentially just using the money to pay for something you were going to do anyway then that is a bit rum. If your are on a really tight budget and you use the money on a trip that your child would never usually get the opportunity to do I don’t see a problem with that.

lydialucy · 30/04/2025 09:50

Sometimes would do that OP, but if there was a toy that I thought would help them developmentally or they needed a clothes item I would buy that with the money. As long as it is spent on the child I dont see it matters. I also think using it for entry to a zoo is a good idea.

Sendcrisis2025 · 30/04/2025 09:52

I do a 50:50 split, half in their savings and half towards something of their choice

letsnotIRL · 30/04/2025 09:53

I've done loads with their money. We have a really big family so we use their money wisely and also to involve the member who gifted them money. For example, grandma bought you a new coat say thank you, que taking photos and sending them. Or, aunty Amy paid for us to go to the zoo, photo photo photo, thanks and kisses. Or we put it into his savings account. Which he has 2 of, one where the money is stuck till he's 18, the other we can access, so if he wants a new bike or shoes etc that aren't necessities right now, we ask him if he would like to use his money, to try and teach him the value 🤷🏻‍♀️.
I think it's totally up to the family x

Genevieva · 30/04/2025 09:53

Saved if given for saving, spent if intended to be used in something they would like (a toy or experience).

TeenToTwenties · 30/04/2025 09:54

I see nothing wrong with using the money on treats for the child.
Actually it can be quite nice for the relative here is a photo of us at the zoo with the money you sent, thank you
(Or essentials if funds are very tight).

alphabetcrayons · 30/04/2025 09:55

TeenToTwenties · 30/04/2025 09:54

I see nothing wrong with using the money on treats for the child.
Actually it can be quite nice for the relative here is a photo of us at the zoo with the money you sent, thank you
(Or essentials if funds are very tight).

This is what we do too. ‘Thanks for our new coats, Granny!’ etc! We already save monthly for them, and both sets of GPs put small amounts in to their savings accounts so money given at birthdays and Christmas is spent on them as they wish.

Bodonka · 30/04/2025 09:56

Are we talking stuff like birthday money? We’re lucky enough financially to pay for all the trips/treats out of pocket so I do normally chuck it in his savings, but honestly if we weren’t, I would happily use gifted money towards a treat or two DS wouldn’t get without. Even still, if he’s given a small amount of cash it goes in his wallet and we use it for those little ride-ons in services/supermarkets - he’s obsessed and it makes for great ‘thank you’ photos to send around to friends explaining they’re the reason he got to ride with Peppa Pig today 😂

Joterrin · 30/04/2025 10:00

I do both, l try & do half savings & half on something they want/a day out.
As they get older they want more expensive things so I’m teaching them about budgeting, saving & living within means all in one.

A few years ago I bought a trampoline with their birthday money & they use it every day, in all weathers so well worth it.

I’ve said the savings are for driving lessons/uni/houses when they’re older.

TheNightingalesStarling · 30/04/2025 10:05

Grandparents and aunts/uncles gave the children money when they were younger so they could go to the zoo or the ice rink etc.

Now they are older its towards Scout camps etc as they know how much they love them but it can add up!

Sofiewoo · 30/04/2025 10:07

AIBU to think they only thing you should do with it is save it for the child?

No, it’s not a black and white thing. Not all money is given with the intent of it being saved for 18/20 years. Some people are happy to give money for the parents to spend it on something fitting for the child.

Elpheba · 30/04/2025 10:10

When money was v tight when DC were smaller we often used it for a zoo pass/days out and would say- thanks for x we’ve used it to do y- send pics etc. Now they’re a bit older and money is less tight we let them spend some on what they want (and tell the relative what they bought when we say thank you) and save the rest.

stealthninjamum · 30/04/2025 10:10

It depends on the purpose of the money. Usually relatives have given me money because they don’t know what the child wants. I have on a couple of occasions bought quite expensive things like a karaoke machine just to be able to then send a picture of dc using it to the giver to explain what we did with the money. And I’d be able to say ‘look what grandad bought you’ or ‘ the dolls house from grandma’ so that the relative is more visible to the children.

Now my children are teens, money is given to them directly and they put into t in their bank accounts.

Yellowtracktor · 30/04/2025 10:11

Money gifted to my kids goes in my purse for when we need cash 😂 Most often gets spent on my DH's haircuts! Anything that's put directly into our bank accounts stays there.

But they're not missing out. We save from our salaries every month and no doubt a lot of that will go to them when they're older.

I just don't see the need to differentiate their money from ours when they're so small.

Superscientist · 30/04/2025 10:14

Birthday and Christmas money I use it to buy specific things that she'd like but we wouldn't necessarily buy her ourselves and treat as buy her a present with this money. The rest goes into savings.
We have had money come through from family post bereavements and this money goes straight into her savings account

JoyousEagle · 30/04/2025 10:16

Surely it depends? Most of the money I get for DC is from elderly relatives who find sending money easier than buying a birthday present. But the expectation (although not explicitly stated) is for us to buy a present and say “this is from great grandma”.

EvilNextDoor · 30/04/2025 10:18

Mine are teens now..so have their own bank & savings account, so I have little control over what they do with their money.

I’ve try to get them to save 70% and spend the 30%

One of them is fantastic with money and has a lovely savings pot the other is very spendy…and has no savings left (I am desperately trying to change this rapidly as they seem to have no concept of it all)

When they were little birthday/Christmas money was split 70% into an isa and 30% for spending.

They do not have access to their ISA’s I don’t even know if they know they have them, as they were set up by my dad.

I don’t judge what other people do, entirely their own choice to do whatever and everyone has a different opinion and approach to what works for them.

Eggsinthewhoopsiebasketalready · 30/04/2025 10:20

My friend opened an account for her ds as a lone dm. Every birthday, Christmas and pocket money. She lived a tough life.. She remarried and her dh wasn't a loving sf...
At 18 her ds received 8k from his account.. Wasted it in 10 months. Nothing to show for it at all.
Bet she wished she had used it for supporting her ds in other ways when he was a dc..

MuggleMe · 30/04/2025 10:22

It depends if they're given it with the expectation it's saved or because the giver doesn't know what to buy so is asking you to fill that role. We also sometimes asked for money towards something such as zoo membership.

My girls are older and if they receive cash they can choose what to spend it on.

We're saving ourselves for their future as are their grandparents.

Fearfulsaints · 30/04/2025 10:22

It depends on your circumstances and the amount.

If you have a child that has everything they need and some of what they want as routine life, save it.

If you can't cover what they need, spend it on necessities.

If you have covered what they need but they get very few or no wants/treats. Then take them to soft play for the first time and buy the slush puppy. If there is some left over as it was a big gift, save it

stayathomer · 30/04/2025 10:24

Your children are very young op and life will change in different ways as they get older. we’ve had the ups and downs you get and so instead of them always saving or going on a spree we have had them contribute to eg to going to the cinema, we’ve had then use money they had as spending money on holiday, and yes we’ve sometimes had to get loans from them (tiny ones, think less than fifty quid), that we paid back within days.

In terms of savings we saved for them and then had to pay for schoolbooks and stationary and flasks and uniforms etc etc etc (they’ll never know that money existed)

They might not have a large pot of money, but they know about being savvy, saving, prioritising, and that sometimes money is needed to have fun(so not all serious stuff!).