To think money given to your child should be saved for them?

[pontipinemum]

For context my children and 2 yrs and a baby. When they are older I will let them make their own choices, but will guide them.

When I receive money for them I put it into their credit union account. Some parents apparently do not do this. Money I received as a child often didn't make it to my account, and I have heard others saying the same. Then I've hear mums in groups saying they will put it towards something for the child or towards the zoo tickets etc.

AIBU to think they only thing you should do with it is save it for the child?

This is outside of extreme circumstances such as without the money the child wouldn't have a winter coat etc

We might do both. My gran specifically says to buy something for the DC with it or take them for a day out, so that’s what I do. They are in the lucky position that they will have a good chunk of money for a house deposit etc when they need it already, so sometimes we will use birthday money for a family trip out for the occasion or DD1(6) recently had £70 to spend at the toy shop, which she absolutely loved.

As long as it’s going towards that child, whether now or in 15 years of time, that’s fine IMO.

I have Grandchildren, sometimes I give money and say do what you like with it (such as day out or towards a big toy). If I want it saving I do that myself by putting it on premium bonds.

I worded my OP poorly. This is what I mean parents shouldn't do. Basically take the money as their own.

@Seeyousoonboo where did I judge them? I said in my OP that 'without the money the child would have to go without is a different situation'

I just don't think the child's money should be thrown into the family pot if it isn't needed.

@boysmuminherts yes when they are older I will encourage them to save at least some but to spend it on what they want too

You are in a very privileged position. I know parents would use the money from a well off aunt for example to pay the electric bill never mind a trip to the zoo.

Yeah I am absolutely fine for the ISA limit! 2 kids in nursery makes sure of that 😂

Even if I wasn’t though I think it’s an acceptable trade off against the possibility of what I saw as a house deposit being used to fund holidays and nights out. I’d rather pay the tax on the interest for that surety.

My mum and dad used my brothers and my money from our gran to pay the mortgage rather than stop smoking. That £1,000 would have come in useful many times.

We do a balance so most gets saved but sometimes we’ll use it to buy a particular toy/item if there’s something they need or that’s becoming age appropriate & they will enjoy. We always share this with whoever gave the cash. I know most people we know do similar & can’t believe you’d be so judgmental about this. Surely the only people who should care how it’s used are the ones who gave the cash

This isn’t what you said in your OP, which was Then I've hear mums in groups saying they will put it towards something for the child or towards the zoo tickets etc. Which is absolutely spending it on treats and nice things for the children’s benefit rather than taking the money as their own. You’re getting responses which reflect what you wrote, even if you meant something different.

Firm disagree - £5 from Great Auntie Margaret isn't going to make much difference to my kids savings account, but the kids will get so much joy from going on a trip to choose something to buy with their birthday money from her, and she will get joy from seeing what the kids chose after half an hour of deliberation in the pocket money aisle.

If that money is the difference between a child being fed or not, then of course, the child's main need is to eat.

Also if they need something for school - shoes, a laptop, a winter coat etc - and the parents cannot afford to provide it, then that money would be used for the direct benefit of that child. Obviously as a last resort, after all other avenues have been exhausted.

My family sent ds book vouchers, being aware that ds' Waterstones habit was likely to bankrupt me. 😁

Now ds is 16 and has his own account, I pay it in, and he spends it on whatever he wants.

I don't have kids but if I did, I'd put the money into a bank account for them when they were too little to understand what money was, and then when they were older I'd let them choose what they wanted to do with it. I remember writing thank you letters where my mum told me to tell the person what I was planning to do with the money - so I'd say what I was going to spend it on or that I was putting it in my savings account or whatever.

I think if the kids are really little, though, it's perfectly acceptable to put it towards a trip to the zoo for them if it would be a stretch to pay for that trip yourself.

I don't think it's remotely acceptable (unless you're in genuine poverty) to simply pocket money that people have given to your child, even if the child is very young. Not only because it's not fair on the kid, but it's also not fair on the people who gave the money.

I used to know someone whose wife, after their child's christening, opened the cards and whenever someone had put money in, laughed and said 'Shoes' and put it straight into her purse. When he questioned that and said 'Aren't you meant to put it in a savings account for him?' his wife said 'Fuck that, this is my reward for giving birth to him' which struck me as really shitty behaviour.

This sounds bad but hear me out. Kids are older now but when they were babies, had quite a bit from family and friends and we did set it aside. But after awhile we then pooled it with our savings to put towards paying down mortgage. We also have other investments which they will benefit from in the future. Plus we will still obviously help out with usual costs such as driving lessons, uni etc.

I've had to use it for food shopping or clothes shopping before. I've even had to raid the piggy banks before. It's not ideal but I'm not doing anything frivolous but we struggle financially. Most of out income goes on rent, council tax and household bills. We don't have luxuries. Fuck me I won't eat any strawberries because the kids enjoy them and they are expensive. I eat apples instead. I think it's better for them to have what they need now. Hopefully, things will improve as they get older and I'll be able to save then. In the meantime we do what we have to do to get by.

I'm shocked 73% of people think it's ok to rob money given to their children. Savings account till they are old enough to spend it themselves sensibly.

I suppose it depends, we opened a bank account for my daughter so relatives who want to pay money into it, can do so. (A few put some in on a semi regular basis) We wouldn't take that money out for no reason.
But a few times we have asked for money for birthdays to go towards an expensive present, so regardless of how that money got to us (directly to us or into our daughters bank account), we would have used it for that purpose.
As others have said, its a luxury to not need that money to go towards nice days out or presents for your child.
I don't think its a bad thing to use the money for your child's benefit now though, if they get access to it at 16 there's a chance it'll be frittered away anyway.
My parents used all money given to us as children for days out and presents and I don't resent them for that, without it, we would have done less fun things as children.

I did both, save and spend. Birthday and Christmas money especially, would normally be spent as it was usually given in lieu of a gift. I think about my intentions when I give money to a child - as long as it benefits the child, whether it sits in a bank account until they are older or pays for a trip or a treat or something that they really want. Does it really matter?

Nobody is robbing children (although taking candy from babies is for their own benefit, they’re likely to choke), just disagreeing that birthday money shouldn’t be spent on zoo tickets, the example the OP gave. A family trip to London zoo could easily run to £150+ just for tickets, travel and an ice cream, even without some tat from the souvenir shop or buying lunch - that’s a splurge and a treat for quite a lot of families and not something they’d just do willy nilly unless they had some treat money.

YANBU to save the money for your child. YABVU to expect everyone to do what you do.

You said “if they are being given thousands of pounds, it's evidently an entirely different question” - that’s what I was responding to.

(Also my example was £100 in total for a birthday, same again at Christmas, with possibly a typical gift from one family member being £25 - not a million miles from your £10 example).

It depends OP - my parents would spend any Xmas/birthday money I received as a child on necessities such as bills and food. I don’t begrudge them that.
If the family isn’t struggling it should go towards days out / clothes etc.

The whole point of savings is enriching your child's future so surely something that does that is the same outcome anyway?

Just reflecting that I've no idea what we do with money gifted to the kids because I don't think either of them has ever been given any!

I'd save it but I think spending it on a day out or getting the child something they want is entirely reasonable and judging people for doing so is pretty unreasonable.

If I have a chin money for their birthday I want the child to have something nice like a new toy or trip to the zoo I wouldn’t expect the parents to save the money till they are 18! If I took my kids birthday money and didn’t let them spend it or save it for a rainy day they’d be gutted! How are they supposed to save up for things like games or whatever?

When I've given money to children it's always been for the parents to spend or save as they see fit or need to for their child. If they have plenty of money and it can be saved for them great, spent on day out or toy they actually want great, goes on necessities or pays a bill great. The more it's needed the more glad I am to be able to give it