To think money given to your child should be saved for them?

[pontipinemum]

For context my children and 2 yrs and a baby. When they are older I will let them make their own choices, but will guide them.

When I receive money for them I put it into their credit union account. Some parents apparently do not do this. Money I received as a child often didn't make it to my account, and I have heard others saying the same. Then I've hear mums in groups saying they will put it towards something for the child or towards the zoo tickets etc.

AIBU to think they only thing you should do with it is save it for the child?

This is outside of extreme circumstances such as without the money the child wouldn't have a winter coat etc

Like you, I save it. But I know I am in a privileged position to be able to do that. Surely it is better that that money is spend on experiences and a decent childhood than blown on alcohol or unneeded clothes like most teens would do at 18?

I think it depends.

At the moment, if I put money in my kid's credit union, by the time DIRT and fees are taken out, they've got basically nothing back in interest. They would much prefer to spend some of it now on things they enjoy, rather than see the money lose value to inflation.

I have also, in the past, borrowed some of their money to pay a bill on a particularly short month. The money is there, it's stupid to cost the family more in fees/interest for some self-imposed rule about not spending it. As long as I put it back later of course.

We used some to buy play equipment (climbing frame, trampoline etc) and some for membership to Eureka, that kind of stuff.

Outside of large purchases, a fiver in a card would mean a board book. Larger amounts went to savings.

We had our own monthly savings accounts in each child’s name.

I don't see a trip to the zoo as a bad thing. They are making memories. Yeah money will be useful but life is for doing enjoyable things too.

I think it also depends on the intention of the gift giver to some extent. Many relatives will give money as a gift, expecting and wanting that to be spent on something nice for the child to enjoy now, not in X number of years time; others will be perfectly pleased if you tell them you’re going to save it. It probably matters less with very young children who don’t need or want a lot right now, but when I gift my 11-year-old goddaughter birthday money, I’d rather she then have a say in wanting to spend that on e.g. pony camp this summer, or the new pair of luxury fashion trainers she really wants but which the family budget couldn’t justify.

Very good to save for them but mine got pocket money from being quite little (£1 a week at first) - usually put in money boxes most weeks, so they could buy little knick knacks when we were out and about. Then I'd give them another say £10 when we went on holiday- so they had enough to buy bits from gift shops.

Depends on the amount/ purpose. Both our children have ISAs and we pay into them plus godparents and grandparents have contributed to them. So bigger sums would go into them.

The odd 5 pounds or 10 pounds in a birthday card I'd let them spend (or I'd spend for baby DD) and make sure the thank you card included what they'd bought.

Whilst I do put money given to my child in his savings account as we are luckily able to afford days out, of circumstances we’re different I see no problem with saying “Auntie Mary kindly bought us this trip to the zoo”.

Agree it depends on circumstances - and the amount of money we are talking about. But I’ve always seen the £20 in the card as a “please buy a gift you would like as I don’t know exactly what that would be” and so, if we are out and about and they see something they would like that I wouldn’t buy in the ordinary run of things, I would say “you could buy that with your birthday money from Auntie Sue”. (And then it’s nice for Auntie Sue to know what’s been bought with her money.) Different if it’s ££££, of course.

Personally I save it all but that's because I have the means to buy them whatever they want. If a family is struggling and say for example the child's grandparent gives them money to go somewhere, I think it's perfectly acceptable to use it for that reason.

If it's money given for birthdays/Christmas, I would take it to be in lieu of a present and spend it on something for the child. And then tell the giver what the money had been spent on.

(I'd say the exception was if your child got a large amount of monetary gifts and buying "stuff" for them with all of it would be ridiculous. Which based on the amount of savings lots of MN children seem to have, I'm assuming is not as unusual as I thought it was).

I think in part it depends on why it was given. Here is £20 to buy him something for his birthday then the expectation is to spend it on a gift and anything left over would go into their bank account.

That's great for you, you are in a position to do this. When mine where little I spent it on outside play equipment and a trip to the seaside otherwise they would have gone without . I'm sure your kids get this stuff from you, now imagine you are in a position that you carnt provide this but could if you spent the birthday money.. but judge away, you have only been a parent for 2 minutes.

We save for both of ours. I think they get £70 a month each between the 2 of us and have since they were babies. They will have plenty of savings when they are older to blow on beer and houseplants for their first flat. We’ll also be in a position to help them financially in their 20s, to buy their first place, etc.

When they get £20 from great grandad once a year, we let them spend it. Within reason. To buy something they really want. And then we can let great grandad know how much they are enjoying it.

When they were babies, no, I wouldn’t have just spent money on like a day out for all of us. Though we did put £200 worth of first birthday money towards an ERF car seat for dd. It seemed like a really sensible use of money. She was 1 and didn’t know the value of £200. But we didn’t have much money and having a safe car seat that would keep her alive to enjoy her sizeable savings one day seemed like a really smart thing to do. That seat lasted us 10 years and 2 children to age 5. I have no regrets.

Granny sending £100 birthday money can either be put away or spent on something the child will enjoy there and then. If parents can’t afford to give their child things like zoo trips, day at the seaside, an afternoon playing crazy golf etc, then when that child is 18 give them the £100, but they have had a pretty miserable upbringing then that’s poor decision making.

I definitely would not put it towards something like a zoo trip or whatever, because if you were taking your child out you wouldn’t expect them to pay for their own ticket, so why should the money be used for that?
Otherwise, I think it depends how much money and how old the child is. Under 5? It should go into a savings account.
Over 5? A quick age-appropriate conversation first. If it’s a small amount it’s reasonable to expect the child will want to spend the money, and I think this is fine. It’s how they learn what money and spending are, and the value of things. A larger amount, talk to them about the benefit of saving, but still expect they may want to spend some and save some.

You come across as hypercritical and judgemental of other peoples choices in this situation. Either decision fine, however planning for experiences is also valuable is it not? I wonder whether you are in a privelaged position where you can cover this whereby other parents can't do this as easily and so when they get money for there kids, they spend it on having an experience with them or buying them something that they wouldn't normally be able to get?

It depends - when they were little I brought next size up clothes, shoes, coats whatever they needed. Now they're a bit older they get to pick a new toy or books with some of the money and we save the rest though sometimes I use it pay for the window cleaner because it's the only cash in the house. Oops.

We save for both of them and they'll both have a sizeable chunk when they're 18.

There isn't any right or wrong answer. We've received money for our sons birthday and we'll use it for things like buying clothes or anything else he needs. When I was younger, myself and my siblings received money from our Grandmother when she died and our parents used this to pay for a family holiday to Florida which I'm glad they did as I have great memories of the holiday.

We don't have a savings account for our son. It didn't even occur to me that this was a thing. It wasn't something me or my husband had and we'll maybe set up one in the future.

Definitely at baby/toddler/infant school age it should be saved for them. We always did that. As they got older, they were allowed a little to spend from these gifts and the rest went in their savings. They’re now mid-late teens and have several thousand each saved from 15+ years of birthday and Christmas money. Much better than frittering it away a couple of times a year.

Why are you being so judgemental. What's wrong with using it to take a child on an enjoyable day out. Also depends on people's financial situation.

Meh, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here TBH. It's nice to save it but equally perhaps money is tight and it goes towards giving the child some nice experiences when they are young. As a parent we get to decide what is best for our children in all kinds of ways and I think this is no different.

I also think it depends both on the giver's intentions and family circumstances.

If the giver has clearly intended the money to be used to buy a present or for DC to choose a treat, then I think it's a bit off for a parent to decide to save it until DC is 18.

Equally, if a small DC who has plenty of toys, experiences, etc. is given £50 with no clear indication from the giver, I'd probably spend a bit of it and save a bit – 'Thank you so much, Auntie May, DC got X and Y, and then we popped the rest in their savings.' Small DC in a family for whom money is tight? Absolutely spend it – that £50 could be a couple new toys, a trip to softplay, a family swim session, and a few days where you can treat them to that ice cream at the park.

If you genuinely can't manage the essentials, I think it's absolutely fair enough to spend gifts on those essentials for your child, although I'd try to use a little for a treat for them if at all possible, even if it's a wee toy from the charity shop or a pack of cheap ice lollies.

So if someone sent me a tenner or twenty and it was a birthday they would often say it was for a specific gift or to buy something and let them know what it was. So I'd obvs not save it.

DCs paternal grandmother would be very generous and also gave money for DC to save so with generous birthday money, I would buy gifts and bank some for DC to save as well as saving the save money. DC got regular pocket money and occasional cheque to save from my parents. DC elected to save their pocket money.

It's basically just common sense figuring out what people want you to do with the money

People didn't really give money when they were tiny, they gave gifts. Now the kids are school age, any birthday or Christmas money is given directly to them to spend how they want. We are talking 10 or 20 pounds though, not blowing grand on pokemon cards.

But in the theoretical scenario, as long as the money is spent on the children, I don't see any issue with it not being saved.