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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think money given to your child should be saved for them?

209 replies

pontipinemum · 30/04/2025 09:43

For context my children and 2 yrs and a baby. When they are older I will let them make their own choices, but will guide them.

When I receive money for them I put it into their credit union account. Some parents apparently do not do this. Money I received as a child often didn't make it to my account, and I have heard others saying the same. Then I've hear mums in groups saying they will put it towards something for the child or towards the zoo tickets etc.

AIBU to think they only thing you should do with it is save it for the child?

This is outside of extreme circumstances such as without the money the child wouldn't have a winter coat etc

OP posts:
TropicofCapricorn · 30/04/2025 13:34

We put it in her savings, but also use it to buy stuff for her that we otherwise might not be able to afford/gift type things, as the money was given usually for birthdays etc.S
So like a new bike or annual passes.

FedupofArsenalgame · 30/04/2025 13:35

paranoiaofpufflings · 30/04/2025 10:58

I definitely would not put it towards something like a zoo trip or whatever, because if you were taking your child out you wouldn’t expect them to pay for their own ticket, so why should the money be used for that?
Otherwise, I think it depends how much money and how old the child is. Under 5? It should go into a savings account.
Over 5? A quick age-appropriate conversation first. If it’s a small amount it’s reasonable to expect the child will want to spend the money, and I think this is fine. It’s how they learn what money and spending are, and the value of things. A larger amount, talk to them about the benefit of saving, but still expect they may want to spend some and save some.

It could be the difference between the child actually getting a trip to the zoo or not though. Surely spending on experiences they may not otherwise have had us a good thing

godmum56 · 30/04/2025 13:36

not sure why you are concerning yourself with other people's decisions?

TropicofCapricorn · 30/04/2025 13:37

Zebedee999 · 30/04/2025 13:14

I'm shocked 73% of people think it's ok to rob money given to their children. Savings account till they are old enough to spend it themselves sensibly.

It's not robbing.

If auntie gives £10 at 3, it's not robbing the child to buy them a cuddly toy with it...

Whoarethoseguys · 30/04/2025 13:39

Maybe given to your child should be used for your child but that doesn't mean to be put in savings for them unless the person doing the giving has asked for that. You could hit something for them, take them out for the day or spend it in any way yo benefit them. When people gave money to my children they lived to see what we bought with it.

Swissmeringue · 30/04/2025 13:43

Zebedee999 · 30/04/2025 13:14

I'm shocked 73% of people think it's ok to rob money given to their children. Savings account till they are old enough to spend it themselves sensibly.

The vast majority of examples have nothing to do with "robbing" children. Using money gifted towards a day out, or treating them to something nice with the money is in no way, shape or form robbing them.

Neither is using it to put a roof over their heads or food in their mouths if it's necessary.

TropicofCapricorn · 30/04/2025 13:43

paranoiaofpufflings · 30/04/2025 10:58

I definitely would not put it towards something like a zoo trip or whatever, because if you were taking your child out you wouldn’t expect them to pay for their own ticket, so why should the money be used for that?
Otherwise, I think it depends how much money and how old the child is. Under 5? It should go into a savings account.
Over 5? A quick age-appropriate conversation first. If it’s a small amount it’s reasonable to expect the child will want to spend the money, and I think this is fine. It’s how they learn what money and spending are, and the value of things. A larger amount, talk to them about the benefit of saving, but still expect they may want to spend some and save some.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with using £10 to buy the child a new toy. Especially if it was given at a birthday for example. It's very clear that spending it on a toy they like is absolutely fine.

It's the same as if someone gave a £10 Amazon voucher. You wouldn't save that up presumably and hand it over at 18?

Unless someone says specifically "this is £20 for the premium bonds" it's okay to use your discretion.

If you were buying a bottle of prosecco or got yourself a new pair of trainers with it, then fair judging. But spending gifted money on a gift that you know your child would like? Zero issues.

MightAsWellBeGretel · 30/04/2025 13:43

It goes in the piggy bank. Sometimes there's something specific they're saving for, or sometimes if they see something they like the look of (and it something I'm not prepared to buy!), they'll spend it on that, as and when.

They need to learn about budgeting and value vs cost. To me, if the money is a gift, it's theirs to spend or save as they wish.

Bumpitybumper · 30/04/2025 13:44

Fearfulsaints · 30/04/2025 10:22

It depends on your circumstances and the amount.

If you have a child that has everything they need and some of what they want as routine life, save it.

If you can't cover what they need, spend it on necessities.

If you have covered what they need but they get very few or no wants/treats. Then take them to soft play for the first time and buy the slush puppy. If there is some left over as it was a big gift, save it

Completely agree with this. It's all about balance. If you haven't everything covered financially then of course you can save the money but there is some merit to the idea that the children would benefit greatly from a lovely experience when they are young.

I grew up without a lot of money and would have really appreciated a day out somewhere special. This amount of money wouldn't have been life changing for me as an adult, especially as I became old enough to earn my own money and had the opportunity to save myself if I wished to.

TropicofCapricorn · 30/04/2025 13:46

MightAsWellBeGretel · 30/04/2025 13:43

It goes in the piggy bank. Sometimes there's something specific they're saving for, or sometimes if they see something they like the look of (and it something I'm not prepared to buy!), they'll spend it on that, as and when.

They need to learn about budgeting and value vs cost. To me, if the money is a gift, it's theirs to spend or save as they wish.

At 14 months old??? They can't make a choice.

Come on, sometimes you can and should make decisions for them. You are allowed to buy them a toy with the £10 aunty gave. You do not have to save everything for when they're older.

SquigglePigs · 30/04/2025 13:51

When DD was little, if she was given money for her birthday or something I'd often use it to buy her a new toy or something. She has a winter birthday plus Christmas so it often got held back til Spring/Summer and then spent on toys for the garden. Often people actually said "I've sent you some money to buy her something because I don't know what she'll like". I almost felt guilty holding onto it for 6 months!

I wouldn't have used it for something like the zoo as that would be paying for DH and I and that didn't feel right.

She's 6 now and when she got money for her birthday it went in her piggy bank. Some has since been spent on toys but much of it is still there.

Larger sums she got when she was Christened did go in a savings account but smaller amounts have generally been spent on her. DH and I put money away for her for when she's older so she won't be deprived.

DaisyPoppy7 · 30/04/2025 13:52

It doesn’t sit right with me that gifted money given to a child (in the hands of their parent/ guardian) is spent on their behalf. My opinion changes based on their level of understanding/ maturity and if they have specifically requested something I.e a 7 year old asks for a new scooter and he’s just had his birthdays, he chooses to put his money towards that new scooter.

I know of parents who have used the money to buy a new car seat. That just doesn’t sit well with me but not every parent has the financial means to provide for their children from their own pocket. The justification would be that a car seat is a vital piece of equipment for the safety of the child. The question remains, if the child had not received the gift, who would have purchased the car seat? It would have been a necessary piece of equipment regardless.

BethDuttonYeHaw · 30/04/2025 13:54

YABU to expect everyone to make the same choices as you.

it’s ok for people to live their lives differently

NotSayingImBatman · 30/04/2025 13:54

Given my 13 year old son's ability to burn through his pocket money at a rate of knots, I remain perfectly content in my decision not to open, add to, or maintain a savings account in his name. He's definitely one of the ones who'd blow through £20k in six months and have nothing but a few designer t shirts and a holiday to show for it.

His birthday and Christmas money have always been for him to spend. When he was younger, DH and I might put it towards a big purchase like a trampoline or new bike, and now he's older it mostly goes on expensive aftershaves and fishing gear. It's his money, given in lieu of an actual present. If the person gifting him it had given him a t-shirt or computer game he'd get use of it right away - money is exactly the same.

Sirzy · 30/04/2025 13:55

I have no issue with money I give to a child being used as a treat for the child. If that means they get to go to the zoo or buy that toy they wouldn’t have otherwise then fantastic!

Countesschaos · 30/04/2025 13:58

I dont think its fair to judge what others chose to do with gifts of money for their child. not everyone's circumstances are the same so basically, you do you!

Personally, if i gift money to a child, but give it to the parent, its up to the parent what they do with it and i accept that.

For my GC i have opened little bank accounts for them, which will revert to their names when they are 15. i give a small token gift for birthdays etc and then i pop some cash into the account. it wont be a massive amount of money, but its all i can afford.

If i was every gifted any money as a child, i certainly never saw any of it!

Ponderingwindow · 30/04/2025 13:58

It depends on what the person gifting the money requests.

Most of the financial gifts we receive for our child come with a specific request attached to buy them an appropriate item or experience. The person wants them to have a gift to open, but is sending money because we live far away and it is simply practical.

we have other relatives who make specific contributions to the trust fund we set up for our child. It is money she will be able to access as an adult, but not unfettered.

godmum56 · 30/04/2025 14:02

DaisyPoppy7 · 30/04/2025 13:52

It doesn’t sit right with me that gifted money given to a child (in the hands of their parent/ guardian) is spent on their behalf. My opinion changes based on their level of understanding/ maturity and if they have specifically requested something I.e a 7 year old asks for a new scooter and he’s just had his birthdays, he chooses to put his money towards that new scooter.

I know of parents who have used the money to buy a new car seat. That just doesn’t sit well with me but not every parent has the financial means to provide for their children from their own pocket. The justification would be that a car seat is a vital piece of equipment for the safety of the child. The question remains, if the child had not received the gift, who would have purchased the car seat? It would have been a necessary piece of equipment regardless.

If the parents couldn't have afforded it, maybe they would have gone for a less safe one? a second hand one that they couldn't know hadn't been in a crash or been otherwise misused?

Gossyboo · 30/04/2025 14:09

My mother always gives money to the DC for birthdays/Xmas. She would be horrified if I stuck it into an account for 18 years, she wants the credit for it now, so cinema trip or something from the toy shop it is 😂. I do teach them saving with a little bit of pocket money each week and our mortgage will be paid off when our oldest turns 17, freeing up money to help them out in regular amounts when they need it most. I know my DSis uses her DC's money for new clothes for them at times, her DC are very small and they are a one income house. If the child benefits then don't judge!

BeautifulFacesAndLoudEmptyPlaces · 30/04/2025 14:13

When our children were young, we put it their savings. Once they were older, we’d let them choose what to do with it.

We stopped giving money to a relative because we found out they were spending the money we gave for their children, on themselves. We bought gifts instead.

Swissmeringue · 30/04/2025 14:15

Gossyboo · 30/04/2025 14:09

My mother always gives money to the DC for birthdays/Xmas. She would be horrified if I stuck it into an account for 18 years, she wants the credit for it now, so cinema trip or something from the toy shop it is 😂. I do teach them saving with a little bit of pocket money each week and our mortgage will be paid off when our oldest turns 17, freeing up money to help them out in regular amounts when they need it most. I know my DSis uses her DC's money for new clothes for them at times, her DC are very small and they are a one income house. If the child benefits then don't judge!

"if the child benefits then don't judge" sums up my feelings on this entirely.

Child gets savings? Great
Child gets a toy? Also great
Child gets a day out or a treat on a day out? Also great
Child gets safe car seat? Great

I can't get worked up about parents spending money on their child as they see fit.

Also, do everyone else's kids get gifted money? Wondering if we're outliers, DH and I contribute monthly to savings for the kids but neither of them has ever been gifted money from family/friends.

MightAsWellBeGretel · 30/04/2025 14:15

TropicofCapricorn · 30/04/2025 13:46

At 14 months old??? They can't make a choice.

Come on, sometimes you can and should make decisions for them. You are allowed to buy them a toy with the £10 aunty gave. You do not have to save everything for when they're older.

Show quote history

I didn't say everything should be saved, I'm saying the opposite! Now they're older, the decision is theirs to spend how they like! And they'll only learn about budgeting/value for money by having control of their own money.

When they were younger, then yes, I'd buy them something with money they received!

I don't think all the money should get whisked away at all. If parents want to save for their child, they should put their own money into bank accounts.

bigvig · 30/04/2025 14:18

if your child is 2 then saving £20 rather than spending it now may not be wise. That £20 may be worth very little in 16 years time if inflation remains high. Plus - some parents cannot afford treats - don't assume your choices are the only correct choices.

emmatherhino · 30/04/2025 14:19

My parents and the childrens other gps and step grandparenrs regularly send me money for the kids (they only get to see them once every couple of months). We don't save that- it's used for days out (that they'd probably take them on if we lived closer!), treats, new clothes and so on.

Money that was given to us with the intention of being saved - like the money my nan left my kids tongue into savings when she died - is saved. Otherwise it's money in leui of gifts or treats.

BobbyBiscuits · 30/04/2025 14:28

I think if you've very little disposable income to spend on things like treats, meals out, activities like zoo or soft play, then it's fine to spend some of it on that. As long as it's for stuff directly benefitting the child.

Ideally I'd probably want to be able to put away a proportion of gift money in an account, but also use some for fun things at the time the money is given.