To think money given to your child should be saved for them?

[pontipinemum]

For context my children and 2 yrs and a baby. When they are older I will let them make their own choices, but will guide them.

When I receive money for them I put it into their credit union account. Some parents apparently do not do this. Money I received as a child often didn't make it to my account, and I have heard others saying the same. Then I've hear mums in groups saying they will put it towards something for the child or towards the zoo tickets etc.

AIBU to think they only thing you should do with it is save it for the child?

This is outside of extreme circumstances such as without the money the child wouldn't have a winter coat etc

It depends. If the person giving the money says 'to put towards child's savings' or similar, then yes, I'd put it in the savings account my child has.

Birthday money from relatives in cards etc, we chose toys/clothes/furniture when ours was too young to to understand.

Now he's a little older, he gets to choose and spend his birthday money.

Grandparents have the savings account details so just out money in themselves, plus presents for our son to open. My parents put money in monthly to his savings, my MIL puts a lump sum in annually.

My friends father knew her mum would waste it so he had it kept in trust when he passed away he wanted to make sure she got it and not her mum

Spending it on a day out is entirely fine. You only get one childhood, and money earmarked for nice things like that can make a huge difference to low income families.

I think they amount they get makes a huge difference.
If my (adult) DC had saved every penny they were ever given as children, they would probably have about £200. Instead a lot of this was used to give them "nice things".

If they are being given thousands of pounds, it's evidently an entirely different question.

Each to their own, but I'm with you OP. My DD is 3.5 now and any money given for Christmas, Birthday, Easter is put into her children's saver account I've opened up for her. I receive her child benefit as well and that goes into her savings account as well.

Eg £3,000 over 15 years works out at £200 per year (and that’s without counting interest earned). So £100 each birthday and Christmas from various family members - maybe an average gift of £25 per relative depending on the numbers of givers. We’re not talking gifts of thousands, far from it!

This is not the amount my kids have, just an example but the point is that saving even small amounts makes a big difference over time.

DH's family pretty much only give money. I always save it.

If I was planning on bringing the boys to the zoo anyway I wouldn't use their money I'd pay for it myself. If I couldn't afford to go without using their money then I would.

I know my money was used for things not for me. Well not directly, like I paid for the food/ alcohol at my own communion party. I suppose that was for me

YABU because there is no right & wrong, there isn’t one way it “should” be done.

As long as the money is being spent on the child or on something for them then it makes no difference.

I consider us to be fortunate in that we can afford to buy clothes, toys etc and also afford to do days out to the zoo, cinema, theme parks, farm etc. If we weren’t in this position though I would absolutely feel no guilt whatsoever about spending the £20 they got from Uncle X for their birthday towards a trip out. Yes, kids need money when they get older, but they only get ONE childhood. I wouldn’t blame any parent for not wanting to spend that childhood stuck in the house saving the birthday £20’s for the car they may or may not want in 18 years rather than making memories right now.

It's entirely up to the parents and the child when they are old enough.

If someone gives me money for SD15, I transfer it straight into her bank account. She's very sensible with money. If she was the type to blow it instantly on rubbish then I might put it in a savings account for when she's older.

If someone gives me money for DD5, I might put it in her savings account, I might give her the money and let her spend it, or I might put it towards something she wants or a day out. DD is not at all sensible with money and wants to spend it on the very first thing she sees- memorably we once had an argument about her spending her money on a set of napkin rings, even though she didn't know what they were.

It's my job to decide what's in the best interests of my child.

I think you sound extremely judgemental about something that has absolutely nothing to do with you. How others choose to spend money given to their DC is entirely up to them. You sound smug and not pleasant.

My Dbro and Dsil live on the bones of their arse financially. With money given to them by family they buy their 2 DC an annual pass to a theme park that gives their severely autistic son much joy throughout the year. Who do you think you are to judge their choice? Good for you that you have money, others don't.

If a communion party was an expected rite of passage in your family and community, and you would have felt left out if your cousins and friends had one but you didn’t, then I think it did benefit you. Unless there’s a backstory that your parents put their own wants first generally and were very wealthy, it seems like an acceptable use of money gifted by relatives who may have wanted it spent that way.

To some extent it’s just frontloading or backloading whether it’s spent on something nice now or something sensible later: if parents are saving up money given by others for e.g. driving lessons or university or a deposit on their first rental when they move out, then ultimately it means that in the future that money is going to mean the parents themselves will need to contribute less to those things - so technically the saved money has still benefitted the parents’ finances, just at a later date.

I did exactly the same. So did almost every other teenager I knew.

We spend the money or it goes in a money box here and we take stuff out for spends when the kids need it. That’s generally what the giver has intended.

I do save for the kids but it stays in my name. I want to keep control of how the money I have worked for is used to benefit my children. It’s not infinite, it can only be spent once.

They can get a part time job and save their own money if they want a gap year. I want the money I have saved for them to go on something more practical.

I don't see what's wrong with taking them to the zoo or buying them a gift and telling them who it's from. Any large sums I've earmarked, but all the small things I've just used to buy gifts amd things for them, and I'll send a thank you card to say what itt was spent on. I've also written this down in a book so I remember who gave what. At the end of the day that just amounts to a few thousand so I don't think it's such a big deal that it needs to be saved immediately. I understand everyone's circumstances are different though.

I think either is ok, not everyone can afford to go to the zoo etc. We used to save all of it but now they all have bank cards it gets split between savings and a bit for spending.
I know someone who has used all their childrens savings on things like fixing the car, petrol, food because they are piss poor with money that's not ok.

Entirely dependent on the family

• we save per month for both children - that is very much their University fees / house deposit fund. We educate them about the value of money so they don't waste it at 18

• some family buy premium bonds for the kids for savings for Birthdays and Christmas. They also buy a new book or chocolate for something to open.

• the kids both get pocket money (and have since reception) and already talk about saving for larger items and / or holiday spends and / or saving for extra stuff for their activities.

We mostly used birthday money to buy a present for the child as a small child isn't really interested in money. Or we'd use it for a day out. I think the givers appreciated hearing how the child had enjoyed the money.

Saving for the kids in your name is fine but only if you have enough ISA allowance otherwise you pay tax on the investments. Hence the premium bonds (our ISA allowance is maxed out)

£200 a year is a lot more money than a lot of children see (mine included).

Hence my point about it depends how much money you get. If you're getting given £10 from a grandparent in lieu of a birthday present, then it's a different decision to if you're getting £200 in total.

I have a friend who used to nick the lot and add it to the family coffers.

As you've said your children are very young so yes, I always saved their money when they were younger. Now they get it directly and decide how to spend it themselves. In that in between stage I encouraged then to save it but also they may have wanted the latest trainers so could say Aunty Sue thank you for my birthday money, I spent it on Nike Air maxes.

I think it depends on your circumstances.

If you can afford to get your child presents and take them on days out without using the money, then save it.

If you can't afford these things otherwise, then spend it on things that will bring your children happiness today.

Whilst middle class me (who got to do Brownies and music lessons and go on days out and holidays) might have appreciated a few hundred pounds in my bank account at the age of 18 more than extra toys and days out as a child, I think an 18 year old who comes from a deprived background but is now capable of earning their own money might prefer to have more childhood memories of fun birthdays.

Depends on many factors. I don't think you can make a blanket decision for every family about this. You do you and others do what they do to suit them.

It’s not fair to judge others based on your own experience.

Maybe you had shit parents but it doesn’t mean that everyone that buys toys, books, clothes or days out aren’t doing what they feel is best for their children.

You sound very naive.

FWIW we did a bit of both. We would sometimes save the money given to dc and save to buy swings or a Wendy house, sometimes it was their spending money on holiday and sometimes they took it to the toy shop. We saved too and managed to raise responsible, polite and kind adults.

They had years of fun in that Wendy house btw.