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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New mum friend came over, Left my house in a tip

302 replies

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 21:57

Made a new mum friend 2 months ago at a baby class and we clicked. After the second baby class she invited me round for a cuppa. When I went I stayed there for an hour, had a cuppa and she offered me a few biccies. Also Brought her a box of chocolates as its the first time I went round. Upon leaving she gave me some nappies. she didn't need.

I invited her round to mine and I feel like a mug. She brought an entire cooler bag of food for her baby. Used my sons new highchair and is baby led weaning so we went in the garden and the food went everywhere. She also needed cheese for his food so I ended up helping her prepare it from my fridge because she didn't bring any. She stayed 3 hours and I gave her endless drinks and food. When she left the house was a tip. She started walking into the kitchen and making herself at home very quickly. Oh and she didn't even bring anything to my house for the first time. Isn't that just a courteous gesture? When she left she said she could come round every week because her other son is at nursery!

OP posts:
FortyElephants · 29/04/2025 21:58

YABU to expect a gift when you're just inviting a mum friend round but the rest of it sounds annoying.

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:00

FortyElephants · 29/04/2025 21:58

YABU to expect a gift when you're just inviting a mum friend round but the rest of it sounds annoying.

Doesn't everyone bring something when they go round to someones house for the first time?

OP posts:
SkaneTos · 29/04/2025 22:00

Sounds messy, but it's kind of nice that she felt comfortable in your home and with you, I guess?

Perhaps you can meet up in a café or a park next time?

vodkaredbullgirl · 29/04/2025 22:01

Yeah okay

Serencwtch · 29/04/2025 22:01

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:00

Doesn't everyone bring something when they go round to someones house for the first time?

No

ExtraOnions · 29/04/2025 22:02

Babies are messy … weaning is messy … sometimes we forget things (such as the cheese)… using the high-chair meh, I don’t think anyone would expect someone to cart a high-chair around .. the food was done outside … You offered drinks, as you had drinks at hers .. “walking into the kitchen” isn’t crime of the Century.

Monty88 · 29/04/2025 22:03

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:00

Doesn't everyone bring something when they go round to someones house for the first time?

No?

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 29/04/2025 22:03

Nope wouldn’t have her round again. She’s got different standards and you don’t like cleaning up after up.

Gogo509 · 29/04/2025 22:03

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:00

Doesn't everyone bring something when they go round to someones house for the first time?

I don't. Probably why I've been ghosted a few times. Thankfully I've met some folks who didn't expect that and still want me as a friend.

Eatinghabits86 · 29/04/2025 22:04

Weird post

Lavender14 · 29/04/2025 22:04

SkaneTos · 29/04/2025 22:00

Sounds messy, but it's kind of nice that she felt comfortable in your home and with you, I guess?

Perhaps you can meet up in a café or a park next time?

This was where I landed. Tbh you sound quite formal to expect a gift from someone you've invited round for a cuppa.

I think the fact she's weaning and brought all her own food is fair enough. Surely you knew the age of the child and that they were weaning when you invited them? What did you think the child would eat? And I'm not sure why you're precious about the high chair being used - surely that's what it's for and they do get bogging.

I think your expectations are overly high tbh BUT that being said its your house so you can do what you want. If you don't like the way this went then just meet up in a soft play or in the park etc instead. Easy fix.

FortyElephants · 29/04/2025 22:04

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:00

Doesn't everyone bring something when they go round to someones house for the first time?

No

SunnySideDeepDown · 29/04/2025 22:04

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:00

Doesn't everyone bring something when they go round to someones house for the first time?

No they don’t.

You’re uptight. You begrudged her baby using your high chair? And asking for a slither of cheese?

Darkambergingerlily · 29/04/2025 22:05

All of those things sound normal to me - a baby in a high chair makes mess. I’d happily give some cheese to a friends kid (hell me and my mum friends always make lunch or dinner for each others toddlers).
I think you sound high maintenance

DancingHippos · 29/04/2025 22:05

I ALWAYS take something around to someone's house, even of its packet of biscuits for a playdate.
Wouldn't dream of showing up anywhere empty handed.
She seems like an inconsiderate house guest
Don't have her over again. Simple.

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 29/04/2025 22:06

It just sounds like you were hosting her tbh, if I have guests I would expect to be giving them lots of beverages and wouldn’t care at all if friend wanted to use high chair or needed some cheese! I would expect her to help or at least offer to help clean up though (unless some sort of baby related emergency and she had to dash). It sounds like maybe you have different ideas about what hosting or hanging out entails? Her way seems like more my way, relaxed and feeling at home, generously feeding and watering guests - but that doesn’t mean your way is wrong! Just different.

Gogo509 · 29/04/2025 22:06

DancingHippos · 29/04/2025 22:05

I ALWAYS take something around to someone's house, even of its packet of biscuits for a playdate.
Wouldn't dream of showing up anywhere empty handed.
She seems like an inconsiderate house guest
Don't have her over again. Simple.

Wow

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 29/04/2025 22:06

How did preparing some food in the kitchen and feeding a baby in the garden leave your house a tip?

Babyccino11 · 29/04/2025 22:06

Gosh, I couldn’t get worked up about any of this.
Sure I’d bring a gift for a dinner party, I may even have on this occasion but I think it’s fine not to for a casual meet with kids?
Baby led weaning is messy, it would have been strange for you not to offer the high chair.
3 hours is a bit much I agree but that’s just different expectations isn’t it?

YYYDlilah · 29/04/2025 22:07

Never mind all that, did she observe your shoes off policy?

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 29/04/2025 22:08

YYYDlilah · 29/04/2025 22:07

Never mind all that, did she observe your shoes off policy?

Hey now, we are strictly shoes off here but unlimited cheese for guests!

gamerchick · 29/04/2025 22:10

You've been snared. You'll be looking after her kid for her before you know it. Just a few quick errands at first....

SoOxon · 29/04/2025 22:10

its as though… a new poster on here has a scattergun…

JLou08 · 29/04/2025 22:10

I've never known anyone take a gift when popping round with a baby, what a weird expectation. How is your house a tip from one baby being fed in the garden? Endless food and drinks in 3 hours? How much can one consume in 3 hours.
Do you have any friends?

Skirtless · 29/04/2025 22:11

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:00

Doesn't everyone bring something when they go round to someones house for the first time?

No. It’s not a dinner party!

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