New mum friend came over, Left my house in a tip

[MyAquaGuide]

Made a new mum friend 2 months ago at a baby class and we clicked. After the second baby class she invited me round for a cuppa. When I went I stayed there for an hour, had a cuppa and she offered me a few biccies. Also Brought her a box of chocolates as its the first time I went round. Upon leaving she gave me some nappies. she didn't need.

I invited her round to mine and I feel like a mug. She brought an entire cooler bag of food for her baby. Used my sons new highchair and is baby led weaning so we went in the garden and the food went everywhere. She also needed cheese for his food so I ended up helping her prepare it from my fridge because she didn't bring any. She stayed 3 hours and I gave her endless drinks and food. When she left the house was a tip. She started walking into the kitchen and making herself at home very quickly. Oh and she didn't even bring anything to my house for the first time. Isn't that just a courteous gesture? When she left she said she could come round every week because her other son is at nursery!

Can the people that do gifts for first time at someones house explain where they live, is it a particular area of the country or a particular class, like the aristocracy. I am worried about falling foul of this rule one day as I have never heard of it. And then I will end up as a MN post and possibly the subject of a daily mail investigation.

No. I have so many mum friends. Most of my friends are mums already! The new mum friend is the one who said to me she hardly keeps in contact with anyone and now I can see why. She didn’t even offer to help tidy up

No

No they don’t unless it’s a party or a group that has regular meetings. What did you expect her to bring?

I couldn’t get worked up about her not bringing anything round.
But there is no way she should have waltzed off home without clearing up her mess. I bet she’s the sort who does the same in cafes.

Seems I'm in the minority but I agree with @justkeepswimingswiming is a cf and I'd make sure you "manage" any future visits

I know BLW is tough I’ve seen so many ppl do it in their homes but I would make sure I’d feed my baby then pop round. She has her boy on a strict schedule. It’s as if she came round just to make the mess and avoid her house getting even worse

I’m guessing this is your first child and also they’ve not starting weaning yet. Of course a weaning baby made a mess. I think it was thoughtful of her to bring food, I’d always offer friend’s kids food on play dates. Obviously she should have offered to clear up but to be honest I wouldn’t have taken her up on it, I don’t expect friends to clear up at my house.YABVVU and weird to expect a gift.

What do you mean not as messy as she left yours? Is there anything else you haven’t mentioned as you’ve only said about fruit on the floor that you picked up?

Think I would rather be friends with her

I think she could have wiped down the high chair, other than that it doesn't sound like she's done anything wrong.

Also you expected a gift but begrudge some cheese and a few glasses of juice? Weird post 🤔

But you liked her ... maybe, now you don't. Not everyone is tidy. Not everyone behaves the way you do in someone else's home. Some people are just over familiar and don't follow the same social cues. You don't have to be friends with her if she's too much for you. Doesn't make either of you wrong.

In your position, I wouldn't expect anyone to bring something to my house if I'd invited them round. I would probably just let things ride with someone like your new friend. That said, I'd probably be inviting her round when I could limit the duration if the messiness bothered me, and I'd not be inviting her round every week. When I was younger with kids, I was a lot more tolerant of mess than I am now, so if I liked her, I'd keep the friendship going.

I do. I never go to anyone’s house empty handed.

Where are you from OP that people have to buy a present to go round your house for a cuppa

She started helping herself around the kitchen while we were meant to be sitting in the garden. In the cupboards looking for bowls etc and didn’t ask me for what she needed. It’s the first time she’s come round and I’ve met her only 4 times!

I really wouldn’t worry about it. A lot of this sounds like an OP problem

Agree, I would also take something to a party/ dinner but don’t think it’s necessary for a play date/ coffee meeting

Yes! It was quite bad but not as bad as how messy she left mine
She looked for the wipes, forgot them, why didn't you pass her the cloth and spray, job done.

thankyou. I thought it was courteous and polite to atleast bring round a pack of biscuits the first time

I had friends like this, I love hosting but they would just take advantage and I would be left tidying up after them. I’d always buy snacks for the children and adults and was more than happy doing so but it then became the thing of the children didn’t like certain snacks and would I be proving alternatives 😅
The moment I stopped hosting I funnily enough didn’t hear from them again! I suggested meeting at the park, library, soft play, a coffee catch up etc and it was always met with ‘we’ll see’, they did however mention they’d pop by the next time I was hosting!

If you didn’t enjoy today but still want to remain friends then suggest places to meet up but don’t offer your house.

No

See you always so uptight?

Yes a park next time. But she’s already invited herself round .. weekly!

It sounds really odd that you counted how many drinks she had (of juice / coffee). And moaning about cleaning spilt food. It’s just one of those things. Having young babies is messy and part of it is being in it together with mum friends. She probably had a reason as to why baby wasn’t fed first. I think you’re reading wayyyy too much into the whole experience. If you don’t want her round again then that’s fine. But I don’t actually think she’s done anything so terribly wrong.