New mum friend came over, Left my house in a tip

[MyAquaGuide]

Made a new mum friend 2 months ago at a baby class and we clicked. After the second baby class she invited me round for a cuppa. When I went I stayed there for an hour, had a cuppa and she offered me a few biccies. Also Brought her a box of chocolates as its the first time I went round. Upon leaving she gave me some nappies. she didn't need.

I invited her round to mine and I feel like a mug. She brought an entire cooler bag of food for her baby. Used my sons new highchair and is baby led weaning so we went in the garden and the food went everywhere. She also needed cheese for his food so I ended up helping her prepare it from my fridge because she didn't bring any. She stayed 3 hours and I gave her endless drinks and food. When she left the house was a tip. She started walking into the kitchen and making herself at home very quickly. Oh and she didn't even bring anything to my house for the first time. Isn't that just a courteous gesture? When she left she said she could come round every week because her other son is at nursery!

This is presumably a joke? If not, it sounds insane. Babies are messy. So what if you made her a few coffees.

This

Are you from the Victorian era ??

No. Not for coffee. I would take something if going for a meal, or when my children went for a full on playdate/tea, but not for coffee.

Because she so obviously didn’t want to clean. She had her baby while mine was on the mat and said ‘oh I think I’ve left my wipes at home’ while mine were on the table. I couldn’t just hand them over to her I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable I did however want her to leave because I only anticipated a quick pop by for coffee . not 3 hours

What a mean-spirited OP.

She gave you nappies when you went to hers, she doesn't sound to me that she's looking to use you for cheese and unlimited juice.

I wouldn't dream of guests tidying up, were you just disappointed she didn't offer? Are your etiquette expectations more important than whatever it was that made the 2 of you click originally? Just interested, not judging

Are you sure she wasn't just saying she was available weekly when her other DC was at nursery rather than inviting herself around?

Though I'm sure this must be a wind-up thread so idk why I'm getting so invested

@MyAquaGuide , what is a slither of cheese?

A sliver of cheese is what the feline dictator DCat demands, but a slither sounds quite unpleasant. I doubt that even DCat would want slithering cheese.

This thread is so identifying, I don't think she'll be round again anyway if she spots it.

None of this would bother me. Messy high chair, some cheese? So what? When you say endless drinks do you mean you had to make her tea / coffee / squash / juice? If so that’s normal. If you’re making G&T’s then yeah she might have been taking the piss a bit.

Welcome to the world of play dates! Sorry, but this is how it goes. Babies and young kids make a mess. Your house will get messy. Your guest may want to use your equipment:knives/ high chair etc. you offer them drinks and food. If you like a schedule and you stare this at the invite, you say ' baby has lunch at 11 and sleeps for about 1 pm. Why don't you come over at lunch time a and stay until 12.30 so I can get them off to bed?'

The plus side is you get some company for a change.

Babies are messy but shouldn’t the adults at least offer to clean up after their baby?

It doesn’t sound like you are ready for mum friends.

Yes this person is rude, none of my friends come to mine empty handed.

Oh my wait till they are older pulling out toys and creating utter chaos on play dates. The baby part is so calm!

I live in a middle class village in the south east. We don’t bring gifts to play dates. I love when people just make themselves at home and pop the kettle on. The kids make a mess. People may help to clear up a little but usually the person hosting waves them off and says don’t worry about it, knowing the same will be reciprocated at their house. You should see when four kids under 6 decide to do a craft play date here, glitter, stickers and tiny cut up paper galore.

In the kindest way, you need to lower your standards OP or just do not host.

Yes they should.

How many wet wipes did she use OP? I hope you counted so you can begrudge those pennies as well!!

honestly her having some of your cheese can’t have cost more than 40p. If you ever host a dinner party you’re going to have spend money on people’s food and drink and you’re not even allowed to mind about it! Crazy.

She sounds more like a somewhat miserly alien who’s just landed on earth and is trying to figure out social norms.

Poor woman.

imagine thinking you’ve had a nice afternoon with your new mate and secretly they are slating you on mumsnet because you asked for cheese. Telling everyone what a mess your house is and you’ve got no friends.

ughhh

Not unless you are invited over for a meal then I would take a bottle or flowers

yeah, I agree, I'd never bring a full setup for BLW then expect that other person to deal with the mess.

As I suggested, I think you're both just very different people, and you're going to find this irritating over time. You're still in early days of a friendship, you can put a stop to the idea of the weekly visit. Come up with a reason that she can't, you're out or something.

Or if you're feeling more confident, just say no. You can say you'd rather not, or be more clear with a "ha ha I'm still picking carrots out of my patio from last time! Let's meet at the park sometime instead." So what if she's offended; she's the CF here and she's not taking hints.

She was just trying not to be a bother! Were you worried she was disapproving of your secret erotica stash hidden behind the peanut butter or something?

When you become a parent you get thrown together with a proper mish-mash of people who, up to that point, you might not have crossed paths with/given the time of day to. If you want to enjoy the parenting journey you really need to unclench and relax and embrace other peoples quirks. Honestly, it will make it so much more fun. But also, you’re not wrong if choose not to. Just dont judge this woman. She is as normal as you.

All the best of luck if you intend to move ahead diligently with the “where I’m from …” approach. You will sort the wheat from the chaff, but it will be a bumpy ride.

The BLW took place in the garden, though. The only thing the baby had indoors was some fruit, so I’d be surprised if the mess was much worse than a few bits of chewed apple on the kitchen floor. I don’t think the OP sees a lot of people, and is one of those clenched types who sits on the edge of her chair with a cloth and spray.