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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New mum friend came over, Left my house in a tip

302 replies

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 21:57

Made a new mum friend 2 months ago at a baby class and we clicked. After the second baby class she invited me round for a cuppa. When I went I stayed there for an hour, had a cuppa and she offered me a few biccies. Also Brought her a box of chocolates as its the first time I went round. Upon leaving she gave me some nappies. she didn't need.

I invited her round to mine and I feel like a mug. She brought an entire cooler bag of food for her baby. Used my sons new highchair and is baby led weaning so we went in the garden and the food went everywhere. She also needed cheese for his food so I ended up helping her prepare it from my fridge because she didn't bring any. She stayed 3 hours and I gave her endless drinks and food. When she left the house was a tip. She started walking into the kitchen and making herself at home very quickly. Oh and she didn't even bring anything to my house for the first time. Isn't that just a courteous gesture? When she left she said she could come round every week because her other son is at nursery!

OP posts:
MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:37

Dweetfidilove · 29/04/2025 22:26

What kind of slob leaves someone else's home in a a mess 😕. The least she could do is clean up after herself.
Was her house a tip when you visited?

Edited

Yes! It was quite bad but not as bad as how messy she left mine

OP posts:
CozyCoupe · 29/04/2025 22:39

If your baby was crying while you were cleaning up, why didn't you just leave the mess for a minute?

And who counts how many drinks their guests have?!

TheHerboriste · 29/04/2025 22:40

Ugh, she sounds like a nasty person and a social clod. I’d not have her in my home again.

PrettyParrot · 29/04/2025 22:40

I've always taken a packet of biscuits or something to people's houses with me when visiting for the first time :/ it's the done thing around here!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 29/04/2025 22:40

it wasn’t a slither of cheese… I grated half a bowl . She lives 5 mins from me. Couldn’t she have fed her baby then come round? I made her coffee and she had demands about how much milk sugar and extra flavouring she wanted to. This is after she drunk about 3 glasses of juice too.
Wow, she is so cunning, despicable. 😅
You should have presented her with an detailed invoice.
3 glasses of juice, shocking.
This cannot be real.

Darkambergingerlily · 29/04/2025 22:42

OP I’m wondering if you’ve ever had friends before? And if you’ve ever had people over your house before? You sound very controlling

CozyCoupe · 29/04/2025 22:42

It appears the OP is only responding to those who agree with her 😀.

Bearole · 29/04/2025 22:42

Serencwtch · 29/04/2025 22:01

No

In movies maybe. In real life absolutely fucking not.

Sunshine1500 · 29/04/2025 22:42

is this your first born and first mum friend because this is normal when you have other children/families round. It’s only drinks and some cheese.

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:43

PrettyParrot · 29/04/2025 22:40

I've always taken a packet of biscuits or something to people's houses with me when visiting for the first time :/ it's the done thing around here!

Thank you. Knew it wasn’t just me. I have loads of friends and quite a few mum friends now too. I like hosting and bringing ppl round. I just don’t like when people take the piss and don’t offer to clean up their mess

OP posts:
Yeswoman · 29/04/2025 22:43

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 21:57

Made a new mum friend 2 months ago at a baby class and we clicked. After the second baby class she invited me round for a cuppa. When I went I stayed there for an hour, had a cuppa and she offered me a few biccies. Also Brought her a box of chocolates as its the first time I went round. Upon leaving she gave me some nappies. she didn't need.

I invited her round to mine and I feel like a mug. She brought an entire cooler bag of food for her baby. Used my sons new highchair and is baby led weaning so we went in the garden and the food went everywhere. She also needed cheese for his food so I ended up helping her prepare it from my fridge because she didn't bring any. She stayed 3 hours and I gave her endless drinks and food. When she left the house was a tip. She started walking into the kitchen and making herself at home very quickly. Oh and she didn't even bring anything to my house for the first time. Isn't that just a courteous gesture? When she left she said she could come round every week because her other son is at nursery!

I can see these things might be mildly annoying but I also have a feeling you would be an absolute pain in the ass, uptight, and easily slighted. No offence. You'll find your people, I'm sure.

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:44

CozyCoupe · 29/04/2025 22:42

It appears the OP is only responding to those who agree with her 😀.

I’m not on the thread to argue. I just didn’t expect her to stay for that long and make such a mess . Oh and invite herself back round every week!

OP posts:
cakewench · 29/04/2025 22:44

Honestly, it's just different standards. She could be a CF but I can't fully tell by this one story.

For example: you're expecting a hostess gift from someone coming for a baby playdate. I think that's a bit unreasonable tbh. I'd never come to someone's house empty-handed under normal circumstances, but I'd also not expect someone with a baby who has to remember all the baby shite to bring to also worry about formalities such as that.

However: having someone think to bring a token pack of biscuits is clearly important to YOU, and that's what matters here. She's showing you that's not the sort of person SHE is, and you're going to be irritated by that. You're already irritated by the cheese and the baby led weaning (which tbf I agree with, I don't think I could put someone else's house through that!) so maybe you need to take this all as a sign that you aren't compatible people.

Definitely swerve that discussion of her coming over weekly. Come up with a firm reason why that can't happen, then try to make future meetups in public parks or whatever. I wouldn't go scorched earth over this given that you have children the same age- if your town is anything like mine, you'll see this person regularly at various childrens events over the years.

NuffSaidSam · 29/04/2025 22:45

Darkambergingerlily · 29/04/2025 22:42

OP I’m wondering if you’ve ever had friends before? And if you’ve ever had people over your house before? You sound very controlling

I very much doubt the OP has any friends.

Ryanstartedthefire22 · 29/04/2025 22:45

Wow, I don't think I could be your friend. Why would you be so uptight? It's just a highchair and you gave her some cheese? Babies are messy. What about her company? Who cares about the mess when you have a nice time with a friend.

Lookingtomakechanges · 29/04/2025 22:45

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:00

Doesn't everyone bring something when they go round to someones house for the first time?

No, I've never heard of this custom. I probably would not have brought anything having just been invited for a cup of tea, except maybe a packet of biscuits if I thought of it.

Marble10 · 29/04/2025 22:46

Sounds like it’s your first child and this is new mum friends second or third.
Normal comfortable behaviour, it is what to expect.

JustSawJohnny · 29/04/2025 22:46

Ryanstartedthefire22 · 29/04/2025 22:45

Wow, I don't think I could be your friend. Why would you be so uptight? It's just a highchair and you gave her some cheese? Babies are messy. What about her company? Who cares about the mess when you have a nice time with a friend.

Yes, but she DRANK 4 DRINKS!!!!

😂

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:47

Lookingtomakechanges · 29/04/2025 22:45

No, I've never heard of this custom. I probably would not have brought anything having just been invited for a cup of tea, except maybe a packet of biscuits if I thought of it.

Going round to someone’s house empty handed for the first time is considered rude where I’m from.

OP posts:
Hastentoadd · 29/04/2025 22:47

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:00

Doesn't everyone bring something when they go round to someones house for the first time?

I don’t think it’s necessary, she had given you the nappies
Maybe she thought that if she bought a gift then you would then give a gift the next time you came to hers and where would it end
She should have helped tidy up if the house was left in a complete tip but surely It couldn’t have been that bad?

3 hours was a bit long to stay but she obviously felt comfortable and liked you so maybe that’s a positive thing

nam3c4ang3 · 29/04/2025 22:47

ffs what?! you brought gifts round? and she drank all your juice?! Call the COPS. 😂 You'll find your own people OP - she is not your people. You sound weird and uptight. Is this your first new mum friend?

Lookingtomakechanges · 29/04/2025 22:47

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:47

Going round to someone’s house empty handed for the first time is considered rude where I’m from.

It's a regional thing then, and probably not the custom in your mum friend's area.

Rainbow1901 · 29/04/2025 22:48

I wouldn't be bothered how many coffees or fruit juices any guest has in our house.
Cheese? No biggie if I have it in the fridge.
Mess left after baby feeding/? - you should have given her a cloth and cleaning spray and asked her to clean up after her child.
Gift - I wouldn't personally for coffee and biscuits but I'm not above taking a bottle of wine if the situation or occasion calls for it. 😜But have been known to take a cream cake if feeling the need for an indulgence with a brew. 😋

PennywisePoundFoolish · 29/04/2025 22:48

A baby using a highchair to eat in is the most scandalous thing I've ever read Shock

VictoriaEra · 29/04/2025 22:49

MyAquaGuide · 29/04/2025 22:00

Doesn't everyone bring something when they go round to someones house for the first time?

No. A dinner party is different. A play date - no.