To think she’s just lucky her kids aren’t fussy and not to do with parenting

[Giillie]

One of my close friends has 4 kids 8,6,5 and 3. Her husband is Middle Eastern she is French. Every time we meet up I notice her kids are so unfussy with food, she tells me what they have had for tea and it’s stuff my kids would never touch, no issues with fruit, no issues with veg some of her kids have one specific thing they don’t like (like one of her kids hates bananas but will eat any other fruit).
Friend has got into a habit of saying it’s the way “British” parents raise their kids.

AIBU to think it’s nothing to do with British vs French/Middle eastern parenting and just luck that all her kids are great eaters?

I think its a bit of both

I think it's both.

I would say it's probably a combination of things. She's lucky that none of her children have additional needs that could cause restricted or 'fussy' eating. But also I do think it matters what is regularly available on the table as well as the culture around eating and meal times. If she's offering a wider variety of foods consistently and meal times are more social and slower then that's pretty conducive to kids having a better relationship with food in general. Would you have regularly serve the same food or types of food she does when your kids were tiny?

Culture definitely has an influence. If lots of other people in their sphere eat well and assume the kids will too, it can have an impact. Both sets of my kid's grandparents serve beige and sugary foods constantly and school meals are rubbish too. The only place he gets served healthy meals is at home but he'll no longer tolerate them 🫤. Eats healthy snacks though, so I don't feel quite so crap about it.

She can't just have been lucky with all 4 of them without it being something to do with food culture. My kids weren't fussy, but they had food made with different spices etc from a young age because that's my culture, and that's what is on the table. I think ME food is similar in that there are many more different varieties of flavourings and even vegetables etc used in cooking that would mean the kids would just be exposed to many more flavours and textures. Edited to add yes she's lucky none of her kids are ND or have sensory issues.

I think it's a bit of both too tbh.

My children can definitely be more fussy when they are around other children for mealtimes who are fussy and don’t eat X,Y or Z.
Personally I think there are very few scenarios when a 3 year old will only eat junk that doesn’t just come down to parental responsibility.

Bit of both.

Our eldest was fussy, so we played the long game and now he eats a huge variety of food, will still go for snack things that aren't fruit so we are looking at how to encourage that to change this summer.

We basically "starved" him into eating. But this was when he was younger, no access to own money, didn't leave the house without us, there were no snacks in the house and we introduced flavour, spices, blended onions and garlic so he couldn't "find" them. Oh and lots of other tricks.

The annoying thing is, when out, or on holiday, he happily eats up everything, salad, fruit, veg, spices, as he likes the ceremony, or social, cultural aspect. It's just now in the house although it is getting better.

He wants to get fitter and has been on the treadmill so we are planning on using some further persuasion techniques to make progress.

Youngster will eat everything, bar a couple of dislikes.

It’s definitely both. Just this morning the news is full of stories about how terrible pouches are for our babies and toddlers. They make very sweet and very texturless food normal. Kids raised on these struggle with textures and flavours.

In the UK we’ve also stopped eating home cooked food together at the table so our kids don’t see us eating normally. We generally have a terrible relationship with food, and terrible diets.

Don’t know about the ME but all the French people I know wouldn’t put up with the crap we do in the UK where kids rule the roost.

Well, if I go to a bog standard UK restaurant/ pub and have a look at the kids menu its all chicken nuggets, pizza & chips across the board.

In my home country, kids meals are a smaller version of adult meals.

If I go to a supermarket its similar, smiley potato faces, chicken nuggets, pizza & co are all marketed as children's food from premium brand to budget brand.

I go to my home country and I am lucky to find a child sized cheese & tomato pizza or anything resembling smiley potato faces.

UK parents often pander to their DC food wants rather than giving them what they eat. Making them appear fussy in the process because it's easier or at least they eat something, .... So yes a lot (not all) is actually parenting.

It’s parenting.

Blimey there are some different answers are here compared to a similar thread a couple of days ago! I got an ear bashing when I suggested you shouldn’t give beige food to children.

Food culture plays a part. The idea that babies and children in the UK should eat different food - usually bland, beige and tasteless - to adults is pervasive and I don’t know why. There’s an inverse snobbery about food. If your kids eat fruit, veg, herbs and spices, lentils, brown nice, tofu people are more likely to judge you than if you feed them nuggets and ready meals.

It’s just food, natural, normal, healthy food that’s often cheaper than frozen beige stuff filled with unpronounceable chemicals. There’s an expectation many people have that children won’t enjoy complex flavours and textures and so they don’t offer them and then obviously when their kids come across them they don’t like them.

Think cultural differences play a huge part actually. Here, a lot of kids get used to eating bland, boring, beige foods and too much sugar.

I think she’s right. SEND issues aside, an awful lot of parents in the UK eat shite and feed their kids shite.
Those cultures that value food and family eating don’t have the same issues as are common here (and US etc).

My DD eats very well but it’s taken a concerted effort to not fall down the beige route, so many children’s menus only feature rubbish options and we don’t eat together much during the week as she eats at school mostly. But we did try very hard at weaning and her nursery food was varied and very good, so (onions and lasagna aside) she’s not too bad.

Also vote for a bit of both. Dd1 was massively fussy when she was very small. I read books on weaning but due to dhs shift work we didn't really sit down as a family for dinner, I just sat next to her in her high chair and handed her finger food or squeezed stuff from a pouch onto a spoon. She hated eating, had a tiny amount of things she would tollerate. She did expand her palette eventually though. Dd2 sat at a table with us all and had her own portion of our food and tried things from our plates. We all chatted and it was social time as well. She ate loads of stuff.

We've just come back from Italy and it is noticeable how the children were so involved in meals.

But also, sometimes it's the child and 'doing all the right things' won't change hw they feel about unfamiliar foods.

I'm another who says both.

As others have said in this country everything fron weaning food up to any "kids food" is often ultraprocessed so we condition our kids to consider it normal. I remember the doctor saying my sons stomach issues were my fault ( he had multiple allergies in the end) because I served him too much "adult " food that his stomach wasn't able to process it. 🙄
But I think luck plays a role mine have the odd thing they don't like but they are generally very good eaters so I don't need to worry if they don't finish their dinner one day.

Probably both to be honest (from an ex fussy eater with a very fussy eater, one middling fussy eaters and two non fussy eaters at home!!)

I think there is a bit of luck in not having fussy children (lots of children with asd will have issues with textures and flavours fo instance)

I also think some children described as not fussy are fussier than you think. In that they eat a wide variety of foods made by their parents, but maybe they like them made a certain way or still aren't keen on stuff they haven't come across. So to one prrson the fact they eat spice sounds not fussy, but actually they wouldn't like pickled herrings any more than a fussy child.

Weaned both my children in the same way, the first ate and continues to eat absolutely anything he is given, the second did so until she was one year old, she's 2.5 and now fussy.

I’d say it’s down to parenting

Everyone on Mumsnet seems to think this is a unique flaw of the British but I have one cousin - who doesn’t have SEN and has grown up to eat a normal range of food - who was an immensely fussy eater as a kid, despite growing up in Lebanon during the civil war.

(edit: I should note his identically raised sibling was a normal eater)

Sometimes it’s just the child!

It's luck.
Both mine treated exactly the same. One was unbelievably fussy, the other ate everything.

Read “French Children Don’t Throw Food”. There genuinely are things the French do that we don’t that will help with this.