To think she’s just lucky her kids aren’t fussy and not to do with parenting

[Giillie]

One of my close friends has 4 kids 8,6,5 and 3. Her husband is Middle Eastern she is French. Every time we meet up I notice her kids are so unfussy with food, she tells me what they have had for tea and it’s stuff my kids would never touch, no issues with fruit, no issues with veg some of her kids have one specific thing they don’t like (like one of her kids hates bananas but will eat any other fruit).
Friend has got into a habit of saying it’s the way “British” parents raise their kids.

AIBU to think it’s nothing to do with British vs French/Middle eastern parenting and just luck that all her kids are great eaters?

I think it’s a bit of both,

DGS is 16mths. He will eat absolutely anything, but I know there’s time for that to change, however he’s never been given a chicken nugget, fish finger or smiley face potato. He was weaned on whatever his parents were eating, and they sit at the table with him for his meals whenever possible.

I think its a bit of both, however I did read the book "French children don't throw food" and it was an interesting insight into how the French teach their children about food.

SEND and allergies aside, it’s absolutely down to parenting and the shit they feed their children.

I think it is largely parenting and culture.
British children often imitate their parents diets which aren't usually as varied as many cultures, and there can be a tendency towards more permissive/lax parenting styles.
Having said that, there are children of all cultures who are fussy, but it's worsened by parenting and parental diet.

I’ve got 5 kids, well, they’re adults now (between 17-26) None of them are, or ever have been, fussy. They obviously have likes and dislikes (Brussels sprouts, eggs, bananas, mushrooms are among some of them will not ever touch) but have always been happy to try most things. 2 of them are autistic (as am I) but still eat anything.

We have always sat together for dinner and always eaten the same dinner. And that’s been whether we’ve had home cooked food or stuff you chuck in the oven. They like beige food, they like vegetables and fruit as well.

I could tell you it’s all down to my wonderful parenting and reveal my secrets, but I think it’s just luck.

Where I live you definitely don't serve DC beige food, you'd be judged for that, I have one late teen and teen and they won't touch bland stuff like that.

I've got 4 'unfussy' eaters 12 and under. People constantly tell me how 'lucky' I am.
This used to irk me as I have put effort into this aswell as the luck side of things with no sensory issues etc. Now I try to share my 'wisdom' ☺️
I think it all started with weaning for mine and up to about age 6 offering different things and being less restrictive too at parties etc so they could try stuff and not feel any foods were bad as such.

Weaning consisted of:
No baby food
Mini versions of what we ate- adapted for kids ( eg no salt or heavy spice). As working parents we have always tended to eat later, so often just cook extra for the kids to have the next day, or batch cook, which for weeknight teas generally works.

With a big family I have found it more cost effective to cook from scratch. Nothing special, generally pasta, stews, soups, spuds and veg + meat type stuff. We're also pretty strict with the older ones about mealtimes ( no alternatives etc) and all sitting together.

It's often time consuming and I find myself meal prepping when I wish I was watching TV or doing something else in the evenings but it's always been important to me. My mom and Grandmother were the same so I guess it's just been ingrained in me for better or worse.

It's hard to tell without knowing her, because it is undoubtable that some kids are fussy eaters because they've never been exposed to much in the way of texture and flavour.

But it is also undoubtable that some children are fussy despite their parents doing everything "right", being exposed to lots of different dishes, textures, flavours, eating meals as a family, giving children the same food as the adults, etc.

FWIW, my in-laws are French, and their kids kick up a fuss about eating vegetables, one of them refused to eat any meat until he was about 6, another mostly subsisted on yoghurt and plain boiled potatoes for a long while...
But the French idea of "children's food" is a bit different to ours. So they do have "children's food", but it's things our (British raised) children find weird, like lots of sweet potato, or plain pasta with butter and chopped ham, or a plain burger patty with no bun, no sauce, no salad...

I was also once an au pair for a family in Spain, and every single meal time was like a war zone trying to coax, bribe and blackmail the children into eating a few spoonfuls of veggies. There were often tears and tantrums.

I think she's wrong. It's a you thing rather than a British thing.

The Kings Fund have some statistics on their website that says in the UK 47% of a toddlers daily calories comes from UPFs and that rises as the child gets older. I think that’s quite shocking - basically half of a 2 year olds diet is ultra processed shite. It is absolutely a parenting issue - whether that’s laziness, ignorance, stupidity or a combination of all three. It’s not okay.

I don't think fussy equals shit though. My nephew is very fussy but his mum scratch cooks really lovely stuff. It's just limited in range and he won't eat the same dish made a different way by someone else

I think it’s both too - and I say that as someone with disordered eating as a result of autism who is incredibly sympathetic to parents who struggle to feed their children.

Yes, some children have genuine problems with food and I wouldn’t judge a parent who was struggling to get healthy food (or any food) into their child - but there’s no doubt that some children are fussy because of what they’re fed and how they’re parented as well.

I think parenting/culture plays a large part. I nearly always notice when I watch healthy eating/Eat Well for Less style TV programmes that the children from the families with ethnic backgrounds seem much more receptive to eating fish or vegetables or whatever home-cooked recipes the presenters get the parents to cook, vs the children of the white British families on these shows who wrinkle up their noses and go urrgh just at the thought of trying a piece of broccoli (as do their parents a lot of the time). I have south east Asian heritage and mealtimes were always a family occasion. We did sometimes get given foods like Birds Eye beefburgers (no bun) or fish fingers but they'd be served with mash and veg and my parents would be eating the same thing!

I used to think along the same lines (but not completely) as your friend. My eldest had likes and dislikes, but would eat almost anything - all meat, all fish, all fruit, not as many veg, all types of cuisine, spicy/sweet/sour.

And then I had my youngest. When weaned, would eat almost everything, but had definitely dislikes compared to my eldest. And then slowly got more and more fussy and then diagnosed with ARFID. And is now incredibly limited.

Both were brought up in the same culture, household, nuclear and wider family etc. I cook almost everything fro
scratch. It’s luck for us.

Yes, YABU. It’s mostly parenting.

I think it is parenting. I am one of them. We have two children, picky in different ways. It's an ongoing struggle. We are taking two steps forward and two steps back at the moment by getting Gusto meals. They each pick and cook one meal a week. Some amazing changes and additions to thier diets but probably at the cost of number of veg portions a day as these were previously individually catered for. I think the individual catering is where i went wrong. It was well intentioned but I think at some point it went from not wanting to force them to eat something they didn't like, to them refusing foods they didn't prefer.

I think she’s mostly right actually, and I am British. I think yes some kids are more fussy and obviously some have sensory issues but when I hear someone say their child will eat no fruit or no vegetables I just think that’s ridiculous.
My 2 DC have never been fussy, there are things they don’t like but on the whole they like a wide range of food try new things

i think the different parenting definitely has an impact, I’m saying that as a parent with 2 extremely fussy children who have horribly beige unhealthy diets.

Many other cultures expose children to a variety of foods from very early ages resulting in children having a wider range in food options. Also meal times in many other cultures including French and Middle Easten prioritise family time at meal times. I think in English culture it’s far more acceptable to give beige ultra processed food and just except fussy eating as well as children not eating with parents.

I am saying all this, as I say with 2 extremely fussy eaters and being a fussy eater myself, especially as a child, but all I was fed was boiled to death bland food as a child, not processed but very little variety, meat and 2 veg meals. My third child I gave so much variety to from a very early age, they will eat almost anything now. It may be a fluke but I wish I’d done the same with my oldest.

It's pretty much down to parenting (SEN aside).

When our DDs were tiny I would only ever prepare one meal, if they didn't eat it then they would go hungry until the next meal, and so on. I also didn't provide snacks between meals much either. I was heavily influenced by my cousin (married to a French DH) who had her DCs at the same time as me, and fed them the French way.

DH loves all spicy foods so they were introduced to hot curries from a young age, too. I still remember the looks of amazement when we took our DDs to Rick Stein's in Padstow and they both scarfed down a huge bowl of moules marinere each, when they were 5&6.

As with most things regarding children, you need to play the long game. Pandering to them, in the moment, just makes everything that bit harder in the long run.

People in this country feed their kids rubbish and wonder why they're fussy. In addition, they're far too quick to pander to their children's complaints.

I adopted my own parents' approach. If I think they're being fussy just because they want something else, we have a 'don't eat it and it goes in the bin without replacement' rule. I've only had to do this a couple of times, and guess what? They'll more or less eat anything. From the age of around 8 or so, I asked them to list specific meals and foods they like and incorporate these into the weekly menu, as long as they were sensible and decent meals. Exposure to lots of different foods also helps.

I think this is spot on. My 3yo is a fussy little bastard, but he does eat many things that other fussy children might reject, e.g. brown rice, most types of beans. We're avoiding making a big deal out of this - we weaned him on normal food and he ate all of it until about 2, which is a totally normal age for fussiness to kick in, so hopefully he'll emerge from this (long, tedious) phase eventually and start eating more variety again.

I have always been a bit sceptical about the claim that French people feed their children much better than we do - the 'gouter' (kiddy snack) section of the supermarket is basically 100% chocolate-filled biscuits, and there are plenty of French-style kids' menus that are pretty much identical to UK ones except that their burger is probably cooked rare, and they'll get some green beans on the side. But one thing I think there probably is more of is family-style meals where children see everyone eating the same things, and get to help themselves to what they want. So the fussier ones will probably fill up on bread, and get round to trying more things in their own time.

I don't think all 4 kids can just be luck. And generally, British diets aren't the best tbh.

I've got one who is super fussy (still at 20) and another who will eat anything and everything (17). Both raised the same. Both like this from birth (even breastfeeding/formula/weaning stages).

I think it is a bit of both.

I have 2 unfussy daughters - well, one is now vegetarian so not actually sure if her lifestyle choice counts as unfussy... but I'm going with yes.

We all ate the same stuff at the same time at the table. I don't think it was anything more than that, alongside the general good luck of having fairly biddable kids.

I think both of these comments are spot on.

When our eldest was a baby who was weaned on vegetable curries and home made veg-based snacks, I was quite shocked at how much chocolate and biscuits our French in-laws gave their kids for their afternoon snack 😂I was also introduced to the concept of a "chocolate sandwich" on a French exchange as a teenager (literally chunks of chocolate in a folded slice of bread), which I have since learnt is a common snack in France. Same in Spain, chorizo sandwiches or nutella sandwiches are considered perfectly nutritious after-school snacks.

But yeah, now I've got quite a fussy 5 year-old, who rejects most of the lovely foods she used to eat, and an EXTREMELY fussy 2 year old, who eats about 5 dinner foods and 3 lunch-foods, the health visitor is worried because she's dropped two percentiles in weight, but most people think I'm exaggerating and tell me how lucky I am because two of her favourite foods are spinach and broccoli, and one of the 5 dinners she eats is a (very specific, made by me) curry 😅