To think she’s just lucky her kids aren’t fussy and not to do with parenting

[Giillie]

One of my close friends has 4 kids 8,6,5 and 3. Her husband is Middle Eastern she is French. Every time we meet up I notice her kids are so unfussy with food, she tells me what they have had for tea and it’s stuff my kids would never touch, no issues with fruit, no issues with veg some of her kids have one specific thing they don’t like (like one of her kids hates bananas but will eat any other fruit).
Friend has got into a habit of saying it’s the way “British” parents raise their kids.

AIBU to think it’s nothing to do with British vs French/Middle eastern parenting and just luck that all her kids are great eaters?

I think the VAST majority of fussy eating is parenting tbh, with a much smaller percentage being due to SEND than is currently fashionable to say.

Forgot about yogurt yes a couple ‘petit suisse’ a day at least. Also flan and ‘natillas’ a loose custard milk based pudding.

To drink - water of milk or squeezed orange juice with water.

Everything has to count nutritionally

I think the baby led weaning movement and current weaning advice is part of the problem, to be honest. Combined with putting the child at the centre of everything.

It’s funny that there seem to be more extreme fussy eaters than there were 30/40 years ago, pretty much since the advice changed.

What a baby eats doesn’t always have any bearing on what they eat as a toddler though.
All mine were weaned on proper food, but restricted what they ate between around 2 and 4. Then started adding more foods, slowly in the case of one DC. It's perfectly normal behaviour.
I ate eggs as a baby, stopped eating them age 3 and even now I cannot physically eat them. I’ve really tried, I want to eat them but I just can’t.
My kids love them though.

I think that’s right.

And some parents will also tell you their children “isn’t fussy” because that’s important to them, but the child does in fact seem a little fussy.

My Spanish IL’s especially DH DGM were absolutely baffled by the baby lead weaning approach adopted by DSIS which they observed when she visited. They had not even heard of it as I had done things more in line with what they were used too.

The Spanish way of weaning starts with baby rice in a bottle not the spoon - morning and evening.

This then becomes puree spoon feeding by adult to the child (absolutely no grabbing the spoon!) of either chicken or white fish blended with potatoes and vegetables. Also fruit puree and and plain yogurt.

The only finger food would be little chunk of bread while in the high chair waiting for the main event.

I have never seen a Spanish mum worrying about baby feeding themself and in the process allowing food to be wasted and not actually ingested by the child. Getting the food in, not wasting any of it is key, as food is precious and important.
Food being chucked about making a mess ( no chance in a Spanish household ) simply not an option.
I never saw anyone worried about not introducing lumps soon enough, or baby feeding self, or encouraging exploration of textures by touch etc.

The emphasis is always on good nutritionally sound food being eaten and finished. Delivered in a way that causes minimum fuss, waste, adult faffing about or clearing up. Spanish kids can be bratty as they get older but they do not have the power at the dinner table.

Something works I guess as the food culture could not be more different to the UK.

She's absolutely right. Nothing to do with luck.

I've lived in Germany, Austria and Switzerland. All three definitely have children's menus/meals. Usually the choices are Schnitzel and chips, Bratwurst and chips, pasta with tomato sauce, some kind of fish nuggets/goujons/fish fingers (but called fish sticks) with chips - and the chips are nearly always thin fries. Some places now do vegan nuggets (most likely soy) with chips. The children's meals are almost never served with any kind of veg. At least in the UK it's usually like sausage, mash and peas or chicken nuggets, chips and baked beans. Not ideal but still better than literally just chips. In France I seem to remember children's menus involving Cordon bleu, although I'm not sure how common it is since I've never lived there.

I assume It's countries like Greece, Italy, Turkey that don't have separate children's menus at all? I haven't been to anywhere like that since having children so wouldn't have been looking for a kids' menu.

The majority of the world doesn't have childrens menus.

I have to agree the BLW approach seems to be bollocks not helpful. Unfashionable I know, but I stand by it. It puts far too much power and attention on the child.

15 years ago I ignored it and weaned my DC on a bit of baby rice at first, then puréed carrot/apple/other veg, then gradually increased the lumps until they were eating what we had chopped up in a mini chopper.

If they grabbed the spoon and wanted to feed themselves I let them but would often finish up myself so I knew they were fed.

Finger foods as they got older.

They were fed, slept well, not fussy and now all have a good relationship with food.

I don't know what BLW is either. Fed them what we ate, which is vegetables and lentils mostly as we are veggie. Plus all the spices.

My health visitor was horrified that I didnt give them meat, but I ignored her.

I assume It's countries like Greece, Italy, Turkey that don't have separate children's menus at all?

IME of Italy, touristy places might. Local places won't- the most you'll get is a pizzeria doing baby pizza (any normal pizza on the menu but smaller and a bit cheaper) or a restaurant sees you've got a toddler they might ask you if you want 'pasta al burro' (plain buttered pasta that wouldn't be on the menu otherwise).

I found the opposite. My first was traditionally weaned as advised by the HV, going strictly through all the stages of puree, lumps etc. All the focus was on her as she was in a chair being fed, rather than at the table when we were eating. There was lots of knocking the spoon away, pushing the bowl away etc.
My other three started weaning sat on a grown ups knee the table and ate bits and bobs from our plates. Weaning started when they were interested in food, once they were regularly eating a decent amount they sat at the table with their own food. Barely any focus on them. There was no ‘power’ because there was no expectation on them to eat, it was more about enjoying the meal time.
They all still went through a fussy phase to some degree at toddler/pre-school age though. We got through it with patience and consistency. Now they all eat a varied diet including foods I wouldn’t touch with a barge pole.

Possibly. I haven't been to the majority of the world or checked for children's menus in all the places I have been. I'm just saying based on the countries I've lived in it's definitely not just the UK that has children's menus.
There's a food hall in the place I live now with food from all around the world, each stand run by natives of the country in question. The two stands that have a specific children's option are South African and Turkish.

But they are also catering for the local tastes so if serving SA or Turkish food in a country which expects “childrens menus” they will deliver them, just as they will adapt the food to local tastes. This doesn’t mean they would produce children’s menus in the country of origin.

The contents of British or US Chinese menus are very different from each other as each adapt to local taste and can bear little resemblance to the original regional cuisine.

You basically did BLW. It's just a fancy name for feed the kids whatever your having. Just cut up into a manner thats appropriate for them to eat.

Bit of both, but much more so parenting imo. Food culture gets passed down - kids absorb what they experience in the family home on a daily basis.

In Italy many of the tourist places have children’s menus, usually just pasta with tomato, something like a mini burger with chips or a “cotoletta” which is a schnitzel.

When DD was tiny I just got given a small plate for her so we could share stuff off our plates, or I got her an antipasto.

there are fussy kids here too, but not beige food fussy, just very Italian tastes. When DD’s friends came over and I had to feed them I invariably made something simple like tomato risotto, or gnocchi, or a pizza. That said I’d serve it with a side of veg like fennel salad or tomato and cucumber and most kids ate that too.

Thankfully not many stayed to eat after play dates, dinner time is later here so by 7 everyone went home and got fed there.

I think there is more of an issue at primary age rather than early years. My kids ate extremely well at home and at nursery. Then they went to primary school…. Both had a phase around reception/y1 of being a bit fussier but that was also the period of parties and more junk food. I think it was quite striking that although school menus claim to be healthy there was a big difference between nursery and school meals for me. I’d love to see a higher budget for food in school.

Its both, but largely parents. I don’t say that in judgement as 2 of my 3 were very fussy, and there was more I could have done to prevent it. They largely ate pasta (in a sauce) for years. Getting better as they are late teens now.

I am prepared to believe that but they are not unique to the UK. I have seen them even in countries that celebrate their food culture more than ours. We had a lot of family holidays in France when DD was small and there was often a children's menu, which was often just as crap as a children's menu in UK!

Thankfully, DD was largely unfussy and enjoyed eating out with us from an early age so we could usually find her something she could try from the main menu. This did also make me question our assumption that French children will eat anything put in front of them.

When she was about 8/9 we were staying demi-pension in a small French hotel. Every evening there was a set four course meal, the menu posted up outside so we knew what to expect. The lady running the restaurant always asked if we were happy with tonight's set menu and when we said "Yes" would then look at DD and enquire "et la grande fille?" and seemed very approving and a little surprised when she said she wanted that too. Gave the impression that she was used to children asking for something different - and this wasn't a hotel used mainly by British people.

Isn't there a book called something like, "Why French kids will eat anything".(I havent read it, but the book did seem like it was from a very america-centric point of view - an american woman moves to France and 'discovers' this phenomenon).

I asked a French friend about this and, actually, she said kids just eat like mini adults from the get go. And if everyone around you is eating like that, then it's cultural and experiences reinforces it. If no-one having on the go 15 snacks a day from a packet, then the kids don't see that out and about, then expect it.

Oh wait, I found an interview with her:

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/karen-le-billion-french-children-eat-anything

I wonder what she thinks of that? I wonder if it's accurate!? 🤔

It's not true about French children, they are all having these for snacks every day. https://www.frenchclick.co.uk/images/product/medium/982.jpg

Though I will say that they go to nursery very early where it's easier to get babies and toddlers to eat proper food for meals because they're all having it at the same time.

I agree its both.
We have on odd idea in The UK generally about childrens food, too often Childrens menus are full of beige crap.
However, we are well travelled and eat everything BUT beige crap and DD was very "fussy", probably ARFID. However, her preferences were not for chips and chicken nuggets and what she did eat was healthy if restricted.
DS ate everything, then got "fussy" and now eats everything again.

Id say it’s mainly parenting but there’s an element of both. I’ve got 2 kids who will eat most things. The younger is very adventurous and loves cooking. I hate beige food and very very rarely had ready meals etc… always cook from scratch. And this has definitely been passed on to my kids.