To think she’s just lucky her kids aren’t fussy and not to do with parenting

[Giillie]

One of my close friends has 4 kids 8,6,5 and 3. Her husband is Middle Eastern she is French. Every time we meet up I notice her kids are so unfussy with food, she tells me what they have had for tea and it’s stuff my kids would never touch, no issues with fruit, no issues with veg some of her kids have one specific thing they don’t like (like one of her kids hates bananas but will eat any other fruit).
Friend has got into a habit of saying it’s the way “British” parents raise their kids.

AIBU to think it’s nothing to do with British vs French/Middle eastern parenting and just luck that all her kids are great eaters?

I think it’s a bit of both too.

I have one DC who has always been very adventurous and willing to try anything. But the other is very fussy even though I actually followed the weaning guidance more closely with him - lots of finger foods etc, waited til fully 6 months - and both of them got lots of home made foods from the start, very little in the way of pouches etc. Both exposed to a range of foods.

The one who is “fussy” has ADHD though - so I think that has something to do with it, as the fussiness is largely about textures and combinations of foods.

I think it’s interesting that you followed the ‘advice’ with your second and he’s the fussy one.

Could it possibly be that it’s the prescribed approach that’s the problem…?

I think baby-led weaning etc has a lot to answer for.

Also think it's both. Definitely some natural instinct - of my two, one will happily eat curry/mussels/antipasto/fresh fish on holidays, one looks straight down the menu for the burger option.

But the general food in the UK is quite bland and uninspiring. We eat a lot of unhealthy processed food, is it any wonder our children pick up on this? I wasn't raised in the UK, but I would never have been served beige freezer food so I didn't know it existed to develop a fussy nature for!

I think its both. Middle eastern and italian introduce lot more spice and flavour introduced at a younger age, a lot more joy and experience around food and meal times and cooking.
the british cuisine is bland in comparison.
I am british but have lived in other countries and have to agree slightly with your friend.

It’s parenting. Kids eat a well rounded diet if it’s expected of them

The relevance is that the average British person is open to lots of different cuisines and tastes. More so Id say than Italian or French counterparts. Was recently on a work trip to Paris- lots of great French bistros, but I was getting rather bored with similar ( if lovely ) dishes every night.

these restaurants in UK aren’t only catering for the community they come from. Whether it’s Italian, Lebanese, Japanese, Indian, Mexican - their clientele are mostly British. I was at a food hall eating Uzbek dumplings recently- no obvious Uzbek clientele.

London is very diverse. The rest of the UK not so much. but the average high street will have a real variety of cuisines.

It's luck I've three children raised the same way two are good eaters the first is excellent the second has a few dislikes but is still a solid eater my third would starve to death in an apocalypse

It’s partly due to parenting, I had a fussy child but would not pander to it, it was really tough to get her to eat more things, much bribery and many tears, gagging etc but it got better (after years not months). I’m not saying everything is down to parenting either, but parents with well behaved children with good table manners work hard to get to that point there’s no magic wand

I agree with her it is British culture!

Culture is a huge influence. Do we really think that poor kids 300 years ago refused to eat what they could?

As a British mum I do think there is a problem with how we feed our children. You see kids in prams with a bag of crisps in their faces befor they can speak... kids must have a treat at pick up time from school... people feed their kids shite and then are amazed they wont eat bananas!
Culturally we are weird about food.

Would the fussy child not eat the food?

@frozendaisy aaah you have a child who is cut out for a life of luxury, being on a permanent holiday!

It's French culture. Even in nursery schools children are expected to enjoy a wide variety of foods. Tastes, textures, varieties are all served as a matter of course, so by the time kids are 6 and at main school they are eating more or less like adults. And traditionally French children are not the boss at home either. It's a more adult led society.

Definitely culture, although I’m sure a bit of luck too. I come from southern Europe but live here with my dd who is British - she’s so picky with food, but when we visit my family abroad she’s much more adventurous because she sees what her cousins are doing. Example: I took her to a holiday camp there and they had 3 course meals including things like chickpea salad, cod stew, etc…

Isn’t that almost all of us? 😁

Annoyingly he will also do it just out and about, like for example, Mexican burrito truck
”What do you want in it?”
“oh a bit of everything”
“salad? Chilli? SALSA?”
“yeah sounds good”

fuming mother to one side because eating a fresh tomato anything at home is impossible apparently - or was more accurately

this truck was a mere 5 miles from home! The tomatoes aren’t that different!

I am convinced it’s nothing to do with “I don’t like this” and more “I could get this if I kick up a fuss’

We now have homemade salsa with Mexican at home!

What other techniques did you use if you don’t mind me asking

my dc is So Picky, I’ve just started not giving him anything until he is ‘starving’ today he finally nibbled at a bread and egg roll, yoghurt and apple

Making him hungry again for fish fingers/cheese in a hot dog bun
he is 3

I think you only need to look at the difference between typical French and British school lunches to know that expectations are different. My DC have cousins who lived in France for a while and they couldn’t believe how good the French lunches were. Even the best menu days at my DC schools are pretty poor in comparison.

I do think a lot of parents are more afraid of their child not eating than they need to be. I obviously don’t mean you should sit back and watch them get ill and starve. More they have natural fussiness and fluctuations in appetite and it not eating dinner doesn’t necessarily mean you should offer them something else. I think other factors come into play in fussiness too. I think being the main focus at mealtimes is probably quite stressful for some children. I remember visiting SIL when DN was younger he was sat in the middle of the kitchen in a high chair SIL, BIL and PIL all around him cajoling him and trying to distract him so he would eat. I can’t imagine anyone would enjoy eating in that situation.
You often read on threads about fussy toddlers that the parent has tried everything which is understandable as obviously we all want our children to eat. However if you think about it trying loads of different methods in a short space of time is probably again quite stressful for the child. They don’t know what’s going to happen next. Overcoming fussiness is a long game and it’s probably best to be consistent and stick with a method that suits your family life and expectations.
All my four have had periods of extreme restrictions of their diet. DC4 was the worst after a particularly nasty illness aged 2 where he didn’t really eat anything for nearly two weeks and had to go to hospital. To be honest had he been the first child things might have been different as I was initially so pleased he was eating anything I gave him what he wanted. However it became clear after a while he was heading towards only eating fish fingers and yogurt so I got a bit stricter and starting ignoring him at mealtimes and going back to family style eating. It took a year before he was eating normally again and I had loads of arguments with my parents and PIL who would try and cajole or bribe him. Now the only foods he doesn’t like are mushrooms, coffee and cauliflower.

I’m an early years teacher and see what the children have in their packed lunches. It’s most common for lots of processed snacks, cheese dippers, fruit winders, chocolate, crisps, cakes and more unusual to see chopped fruit, vegetable sticks, homemade cakes/biscuits etc. The same parents then tell me how constipated their child is but can’t see the connection with their diet.

Exactly this. British culture is so centred around the child, whereas in Europe they’re expected to fit in with the adults. They’re not in charge.

We’re a nation of helicopter parents.

It's definitely cultural, not just luck. In other European countries, there are no 'kids meals' the children eat what the adults eat. We did the same with our children - they each have their likes and dislikes like anyone but they all eat a wide range of foods, see vegetables and salad as a normal part of a meal and we rarely eat desserts. We ate out with them when they were small and they ate Indian, Thai, Chinese and Spanish etc food from a young age. I think there's obviously some luck involved but it's also just exposing them to a wide range of foods repeatedly, not making food a battleground and eating together as a family.

Of course it’s to do with parenting/culture/environment. Do you think there are ‘fussy eaters’ in the slums in India, in tiny villages in Africa? No, because if they don’t eat they will literally starve. There are no choices.
In a less extreme sense, feeding in the Middle East/Europe often follows the same vein - children simply eat what is served at the table. There is no choice to have chicken nuggets instead.

It's hard to say. My 10 y.o. loves seafood and curry. My 4 y.o. only eats beige/crispy stuff. Sometimes you have no idea why things happen like that.

Given that my three will eat basically anything, I’d be happy to say it was all down to parenting, though accept that there’s an element of luck.

Nutrition is a big bugbear of mine, so I’ve made a conscious effort to expose them to different foods and experiences. I would never use a pouch or a processed baby snack or order beige food from a kids menu. Everything they eat at home is made from scratch, no snacks, no cake or sweet food before the age of 2. This approach seems to be derided on MN, but it seems like common sense to me!

You’ll have someone along in a minute to tell you their child would literally starve…