To think she’s just lucky her kids aren’t fussy and not to do with parenting

[Giillie]

One of my close friends has 4 kids 8,6,5 and 3. Her husband is Middle Eastern she is French. Every time we meet up I notice her kids are so unfussy with food, she tells me what they have had for tea and it’s stuff my kids would never touch, no issues with fruit, no issues with veg some of her kids have one specific thing they don’t like (like one of her kids hates bananas but will eat any other fruit).
Friend has got into a habit of saying it’s the way “British” parents raise their kids.

AIBU to think it’s nothing to do with British vs French/Middle eastern parenting and just luck that all her kids are great eaters?

Automatically, you're cutting down the types of food offered, simply because the parent doesn't like them!

Yup!

When my husband was a kid nothing that his dad didn't like was ever served.

School dinners were a revelation to him!

I was never a fussy eater as a child what was given was eaten or dont eat at all.
Lucky if we got anything nice.
But as an adult i will say im a very fussy eater i wont eat just anything or anywhere.
If something dont look right smell right to me i simply wont touch it.
Same goes for street food the person cooking it or making sometimes i look and think nope go elsewhere.
Im ashamed to say i`ve even got stuff from a shop or bakers come outside one bite dont like the taste straight in the bin without any guilt or care of what it cost me.

Yes agree a combination of no Sen or sensory needs and culture / families attitude to food.

im autistic as is my son and my dd has adhd. We all have to some degree or another eating issues. But so does my DD who is NT probably from her environment.

None of my kids were fussy eaters. All ate a wide variety of fruit, vegetables and would try anything. I think a lot is to do with the diet they are socialised into and sitting at table seeing parents and older siblings eating everything. If kids are only ever offered beige food and chips this is what they will learn to like. I don't think my kids were offered a chicken nugget until they were about 3 or 4 and very rarely offered a chip. They were consistently given pasta, rice, couscous, boiled, roast and mashed potatoes potatoes with 3 different fresh vegetables everyday. I can recall at nursery they had a day when they gave all the DC different fruit and vegetables to try. They told me my DC was the only one who had eaten dragon fruit and asparagus and could name them when asked what they were. There is loads of research showing early introduction to lots of different foods makes DC more accepting of a wider palette. I just found it meant I could cook one meal for us all to share rather than cooking different meals for DC, which I know some families do. I didn't have time for that. 2 of my DC had addition needs too.

Three kids. Two who will eat anything, one with texture issues so is very fussy. How can that be parenting?

As I said upthread it's a bit of both.

But I have also noticed that my DC went through several fussy eating stages between the ages 2-8.
I think it's very tricky to parent these stages especially when the type of foods the DC wants to eat is readily available. It's easier and cheaper to throw some chicken nuggets & chips into the oven/ airfryer than cooking a meal and throw half the food away. Sticking to your guns and working through the tantrum after a busy day at work isn't fun!
In the end it's about how much value you as a parent put onto the food/ diet you give your children whentheygo through these stages. If you naturally enjoy eating it's easier than if you see food as a fuel to keep you going- these are different outlooks, not a right or wrong thing!

Its probably both
But severe fussy eating is often linked to sen
Some kids i know rejected the free school meals. To be fair there is less choice than when i was a child. To an extent 2 main courses one meat one veggie and you were at onbe ppint supposed to be veggie for that one so... No choice. pre covid there was salad ,jacket potato or sandwich options.
However of those kids some do now have sen asd or adhd.

Surprising numbers of young primary kids here seem to dislike pizza so nothing to eat at a few parties!

I wouldsay if one kiddidnt like mushroom/eggs/brussels etc i would consider that pretty fussy. So its whether thats several kids.

Mone dont like
Dd1 sauces like curry etc, ham, cheese sandwich etc mushrooms, gone off milk, omlette
Dd2 pancakes, crumble, some biscuits. In usa wouldnt eat their bread! And didnt like it in spain either.

Its to do with your taste buds. As some people really taste brussel sprouts etc.
My dp seems unfussy but actually refuses green beans, courguette, swede etc. So basically left with carrots and peas and sweetcorn.

Im fussy. I also dont like some meat like chop or steak it is always chewy, bloody or fatty.

Does the french woman or husband smoke out of interest. The french have very low rates of asd.
My parents are very unfussy (rationing as young kids). But mil wont eat onions, spicy food etc

I wonder why in uk we dont tend to give kids spicy foods?
You need to present the same foods lots of times. However some kids start reducing what they will have. It probably doesnt help that there are so many fussy kids so impacting each other at school etc. Saying eww. Or leaving things

Broccoli is dinosaur food in our house. My kids love it.

I think in the UK there is a lot more focus on feeding babies 'proper baby food' from a jar/pouch. I remember my mum being horrified I wasnt feeding jarred food. Also there is a trend to feed children a different meal from the adults.

I had a little hand held grinder that I used to give our kids food. I would just grind up a couple of spoons of our meal in that and serve it to them. Sometime it would need a little adaption like if we were having thai green curry I would take theirs out before I added too much spice and then water theirs down with more rice and coconut milk etc.
We always ate and sat as a family and food was often served in the middle of the table so everyone could help themselves.

I think that way of eating is more common in other cultures where kids eat the same as the adults at the same time so does have an impact on what kids will tolerate. If they are exposed to a wide variety of foods early on that they see the adults eating they are more likely to eat it.

Now of course my kids have the odd thing they hate eg DS1 hates brocooli and DD does not like mashed potato at all since school dinner mash put her off.

Of course there are some children with additional needs that will have aversion to texture food but I can't believe it is as common as people make out

My friend always marvels at how good my children ate but she admits that they never as a family sit down and eat together. She is veggie and the others are not, her partner eats at 11pm cos that is when he gets round to cooking for himself. her son has pasta every night and her daughter might eat what one of the parents are eating or whatever is in the fridge. So they are not exposed to other food, its like food is just a necessary evil to eat inbetween other stuff rather a meal to be savoured and enjoyed with other people.

the jarred baby food doesnt help - food naturally varies in taste, colour and texture. a carrot you pick and cook one week will taste slightly different to a carrot you cook the following week from a different farm. Baby food however is a million carrots all cooked together giving a very uniform taste so babies dont get used to the subtle differences in taste.

When my kids were small I was a single mum of five and extremely poor. I mean having to fish down the back of the sofa for fifty pee to put enough fuel in the car to get them to school poor. I was always so glad that none of them were fussy because some of our meal choices were, of necessity, rather strained. They all ate pretty much everything.

Now they are all grown up and buy and cook their own food, they are a lot fussier. Back in the day even my autistic DD would eat most foods - now she only cooks Hello Fresh meals!

There are no fussy children, only fussy parents.

nothing fussy about hello fresh meals!! lots of unusual ingredients -spices etc. Fresh veg etc.

I know but you can choose which meal you want, rather than having to create something out of left over stuff in the fridge!

ah the bloody French going on about how superior they are when it comes to …just about everything! Apparently, they don’t get fat, and always look chic. Go half an hour out of Paris and it’s full of the same mere mortals who stalk our high streets.

I think though there is an element of it being food culture - exposed to different types of food and kids getting what their parents are eating. Eating together later as a family probably helps, and it’s not something we do as much in the UK.

but I’ve seen such differences even among siblings that I can’t imagine that’s the only reason. I have an ND child and there’s no way I could make them eat certain foods ( and I have tried)

I think this is yet another example of smug parenting where people like to make out it’s been their superior parenting skills and not dumb luck.

It’s absolutely the way British people raise their kids.

See also: sleep.

I was the same with my three (so no, it wasn’t luck).

Just mashed up whatever we were having in a little handheld chopper. I remember making a curry once and thinking it might be a bit spicy but they just ate it. I also remember looking at some mushed up aubergine and thinking it looked awful, but funnily enough, they didn’t know.

Oh, and one is AuDHD by the way, so I think this approach also works with neurodivergent kids.

Now they’re teens and each has a couple of things they don’t like, which I respect, but generally they just pick the bits they don’t like out or I don’t serve them on their plate.

They know not to make a fuss.

Read ‘French Kids Don’t Throw Food’.

Well I think the proof is in the adults that British people become.

I think the restaurant scene in Britain is one of the best in the world and is one of the few countries in the world ( having lived, worked and visited many) where there is real variety in the food available- both in restaurants and supermarkets.

don’t get me wrong, the Mediterranean diet is one of the best. But restaurants in individual countries are overwhelmingly the local cuisine. So people are very narrow in the type of food they’re even prepared to eat on a night out.

similarly, there are few places better to be a vegetarian than in the UK

Dd au paired for a French/Afghan couple. Maman was very clear what the kids ate and didn’t. They still had sweet stuff, but limited, but basically ate smaller adult meals. Dad tended to be less strict, but the variety of foods they would eat was extensive. One child tended to finicky, but compared to say, what Dds brothers were like, it was nothing and it wasn’t pandered to.

So this subject absolutely fascinates me because I have a nearly 3 year old who went through an incredibly fussy phase and basically lived on homemade lentil and veg soup for about 3 months because of it. He now will eat a variety of homemade food with minimal fuss (although sometimes if he hasn’t napped he will put up a fight about it). He will eat: butternut squash pasta, fish pie, cottage pie, spag Bol, pitta pizza, lentil soup, mince and tatties, spinach mac and cheese. Believe me, this is a massive improvement on even 3 months ago. We did it by not giving up, basically. We told him he needed to eat his dinner and if he didn’t want it right now he could go sit and wait until he felt like it, read a book etc, but he couldn’t play with toys or watch TV or anything. My partner sits on the stairs with him and waits until he’s “hungry” (he’s always hungry but fights it because, toddlers) and then he will eat it no problem. We don’t make him eat it all but he has to have at least 8 spoonfuls or bites. I’m sure there are people who will say this is really cruel and awful to subject a toddler to but we think it helps set the expectation that he has to try new food. It’s helped so much and it allows me to sneak a new dish in there every week or so alongside old favourites to gradually increase his tolerance for new food.

In what way, sleep? I remember some of my NCT friends (Brazilian and Chilean) who were amazed at how early my toddler went to bed and had a much more relaxed attitude about it!

Also agree it’s a bit of both. I do think some children are just really fussy no matter what. But it also helps massively if they see the adults around them eating a variety of healthy foods, and if everyone eats as a family together.

When you see a children’s menu here in the UK it’s 95% chicken nuggets, fish fingers, burger, pizza with chips and peas or beans. Many other countries will have child portions of the adult meals.

I mean that waking multiple times a night and the whole household getting rubbish sleep is seen as normal and just accepted.

I can’t believe the crap British people put up with.

I don’t understand the relevance of this?

We have a diverse restaurant culture because we’re a diverse country.

My 6yr old DD is like that. She's always been exposed to a wide range of food and loved curries and all sorts as a toddler. She got a bit more restrictive around 4 which I attributed to the move from nursery to school. She's got much better now.

If I list out what she eats it's sounds great but she'll only eat my or my parents versions of them. Eating out with her is a pain. I'm actually happy that at 6 she's finally decided she likes fish fingers because at least it's something safe to order that isn't just a jacket potato!

She does love trying new things though and we recently went somewhere where she tried and rejected the kids burger but happily chomped her way through half my gorgeous lamb rump steak so it's rather variable!!